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AIBU?

To think if you are considering ways to injure yourself to avoid work then maybe it's time for a change?

32 replies

Emotional101 · 17/01/2015 19:02

If someone (with no history of depression or another other MH issues) said to you they had been thinking of a way they could be injured enough to be signed off work, what would you say to them? (Examples given such as broken bone - not cutting or anything similar).

She is in very stressful and constant, high pressure environment but as the sole bread winner with a mortgage dependent on the money it's not as easy as 'just resign'.
It's not the type of job she can leave at work either, it's hours and hours of work outside of her working day.

Would you advise her to go to the gp?

That was my apparently silly and unhelpful advice - she won't as she is being assessed as an adopter and is worried this would go against her (plus the fact she wouldn't have a way to support the child).

She feels she can keep going for another few weeks and she will have a little bit of time off. Due to her job and it being privately run there is no HR or similar to get advice from.

(This is my SIL. I spoke to MIL (her mum) and she was rather unsupportive).

Where is the next step from here?

OP posts:

Report

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 17/01/2015 19:06

If she gets approved for adoption then she will have the same maternity rights as those who have give birth.

Perhaps tell her that once the child comes then she will have months off.

In this time she could look for another job.

Emotional101 · 17/01/2015 19:40

She's at least a year away from adopting (doing the pre- full assessment) course (not sure of actual name!)

OP posts:

NorwaySpruce · 17/01/2015 19:44

I've often said similar - wished for a quick fall from a not too high ladder, maybe a simple fracture, for a week or so off work.

I was half joking though, I'd appreciate the time off, but have so far kept my feet firmly on the rungs

Are you sure they don't think you a bit daft for taking things so literally?

CorporateRockWhore · 17/01/2015 19:49

I had a mega stressful job after leaving Uni and wished a lot that I could break my leg, something so that I could have a legitimate week or two off and do nothing

I don't think its an MH issue, it's a get a new job issue.

Timeforabiscuit · 17/01/2015 20:01

its quite common in my office for someone to quietly mention they would appreciate a manufactured incident in the carpark, a broken foot or some such.

Unfortunately a colleague did break their foot (can't be certain it wasn't deliberate - it was a bad time) and they were actually asked to work from home.

Its a new job issue not a GP one - has she updated her cv?

A little bit of cheerleading about how far she could go in a different role may have been what she was looking for.

Emotional101 · 17/01/2015 20:08

Thanks, maybe I'll have to go back and encourage her a bit!

Her job is very job specific and although she could get a new job it would be doing the same role with the same pressures, just with a new manager if that makes sense.

OP posts:

LostTeacher · 17/01/2015 20:17

Sounds like a lot of my colleagues!

EndoplasmicReticulum · 17/01/2015 20:36

Id guess she's a teacher.

PossumPoo · 17/01/2015 20:38

I had a job like this. In the end l was made redundant and to this day I am so grateful. It's like a cycle, l needed to leave but my self esteem was so low l couldn't. I would never get in a situation like that again for work.

Your SIL needs to look for a new job. That's the only way out.

Keep encouraging her to do this and remind her of previous jobs she's had without the unbearable stress level.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 17/01/2015 20:38

Sorry for missing apostrophe there please blame the technology. Anyway, I've thought the same thing in the past. Haven't considered it a GP issue.

NorbertDentressangle · 17/01/2015 20:49

This sounds very familiar - I remember many, many years ago having a conversation with a couple of friends where we all confessed to dreaming of a broken arm/leg/whatever to get a few weeks or months off work.

At the time we were all in stressful jobs, long hours, shifts etc (working either in adult mental health, with young offenders or residential childrens homes).

What we all needed was a change of job.

I think, at some point, we all got signed off for a week or two due to just being tired, run down, stressed and ill (we had GPs who asked what jobs we did and appreciated the stress and pressures of the job, hours and shifts involved) but no one had MH issues.

grannytomine · 17/01/2015 21:28

I was thrilled when I got a date for my hysterectomy, having a particularly rough time at work and had eight weeks off and it had all calmed down when I got back.

When the lovely young doctor at the hospital gave me a sick note for six weeks I said it was a shame it wasn't seven as I would get halfterm off with the kids. He said don't worry, your GP will give you another note if you want/need one. He came back later with a note for eight weeks. Bless him.

Mammanat222 · 17/01/2015 22:11

I assume all you people that have 'wished' for a broken bone for a bit of time off get more than SSP?

I also assume this is the case for lady in question?

tak1ngchances · 17/01/2015 22:15

Apparently having these thoughts is a criterion for depression (although others must also be present for a disgnosis)

threepiecesuite · 17/01/2015 22:15

On the way to work, I often fantasise about having a mild car crash. Enough to require a few weeks off.
I also look at other commuters in cars and wish I did their job. Whatever it is.

I'm a teacher. It's horrific at present.

cardibach · 17/01/2015 22:28

I am a teacher. I used to feel exactly like that, then I changed my job. I now work in an independent school (I know,I know...) and drove to Saturday school today through the snow (I'm a wimp about driving in snow) with a light heart. I'm being allowed to do my job now, and, while there are lots of new pressures, I don't feel like hurting myself anymore. Job change required by OP's SiL (it was SiL wasn't it?).

LostTeacher · 17/01/2015 22:46

I was ill last year but too scared to take time off work.

In the end I phoned 111 hoping that an emergency doctor would come out in the night and fix me so I would be able to go to work the next day.

When the 111 operator said that my symptoms were serious and she was sending me an ambulance I felt so happy that I had a legitimate reason not to go to school !

And when my DS threw up lumpy sick all over the bathroom floor one morning before Christmas, I, the person who gets sick just looking at sick, jumped for joy as it meant I had to take the day off.

4 more weeks!

Chipsahoythere · 17/01/2015 22:49

I think about this sometimes. I'm a teacher too.

(When I say sometimes, I actually mean everyday on the way to work)

HouseAtreides · 17/01/2015 23:03

My job was one of those that used to make me feel sick on a saturday night from already worrying about monday morning. Complete life sucker. Ironically it was my dream job, I thought I'd really landed on my feet, well paid and I loved the work... but the bosses were a mean bully (Wife) and a patronising bully (husband). I was the youngest worker there and it was my first 'proper' job. One day I just quit... However I was young with no dependants. I can't imagine feeling obligated to stay in a job that makes you so miserable :( You all have my sympathy; a job/career can be a huge part of your identity.

chosenone · 17/01/2015 23:10

Im a teacher and in a previous job I was fantasising about crashing all the time (along with paying someoneto fire bomb the school ) one day I slowed down to about 20mph and was seriously contemplating crashing into a wall....I ended up in floods of tears..my DM took me to the doctors and yes it was a criterion for depression or work related stress. She insisted on signing me off and told me to lool for another post asap. I did and it all worked out ok in the end.

Renniehorta · 17/01/2015 23:16

When I was teaching I would frequently contemplate driving into trees or lorries, strangely usually on the way home. It is no way to live your life.

Now 6 years after leaving I still get nightmare about it. I wake up with my heart pounding and just feeling panicked. I guess a type of ptsd.

Tell your sil to make escape plans.

makingdoo · 17/01/2015 23:16

I would advise her to go to her GP. It can be a symptom of depression.

I went through this last year. I remember driving to work and willing a lorry to hit me. This was almost a daily thought. I used to pray that I'd get sick enough to go to hospital so that I'd have a legitimate reason to be off work. I was a stressed out ticking time bomb.

Then one day it happened. I was taken to hospital with a suspected stroke at the age of 34. I ended up being off work for 4 months. My company do not pay sick pay so it was a struggle but I think it was a massive wake up call. I'm back at work on a part time basis and we are currently undergoing IVF so I do think I might know a bit about what your SIL is experiencing. My job is still stressful but I'm so mindful not to allow myself to get to the point I was before.

She sounds like she needs help. Please encourage her to get it.

Purplepoodle · 17/01/2015 23:20

I think even encouraging her to look for new jobs can make things more bearable, bit like light at the end of the tunnel.

If things are that bad throwing a sickie for a week could help her rest up and get some perspective - lots of v and d going about! Wouldn't usually condone this but she sounds at the end of her rope and not really any other options.

CatBreath · 17/01/2015 23:29

She should consider a different role within the same organisation if poss. She must make it a priority to consider her options at length.
I was on the way to becoming a (Police) Detective. I had the same thoughts as her. It was so stressful I actually in all seriousness started to think dying would be preferable. I began to tell my OH that if I don't change jobs I will die. The amount of work (cases) you were given was unreal. You could never do your job properly because of the workload. Please impress upon her that her health will be destroyed or she will have a nervous breakdown. And then she won't be able to work anyway!
To get away I took a uniformed role-less status and sadly, despite having the ability, I'll never get to be a Detective now but I'm so happy I made that decision.

ravenAK · 17/01/2015 23:31

Although to be fair we don't know that the person in question is a teacher...but yeah, was my immediate assumption too.

Mostly because my staffroom is full of gallows humour about 'Blighty' wounds.

It's not really funny: I got a text from a colleague last week that she was down with D&V, hurrah, & replied 'you lucky bitch!'. Both of us at least half meant it.

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