Hi all, first time poster but very long term lurker, need some unemotionally involved opinions, this is a difficult one. My DH has 3 children. 1 son of 15 With Special needs (attends a special needs school with excellent 4/1 pupil teaching ratio. ) plus twin girls aged 10. DH and I have been married 7 yrs, and in that time we have had the dsc eow and half all holidays. Never changed, no swaps around, no flexibility for life events (weddings, graduations etc - from either side.) Contact is absolutely set in stone and the dcs know where they stand. Relationship between DH and ex W is very very poor. They cannot have even the simplest discussion without a row. All communications now through email. So , the problem is this. Ex W has had a relationship with a local man since 6 weeks after my DH left. (So over 8 yrs) in that time he did not live with DH's ex but maintained his house nearby. This was according to dsc (so cannot be read as gospel) because he isn't keen on little kids and finds them annoying. (He has 4 of his own but divorced his wife when they were very young, they are all now in their twenties). 4 yrs ago he took up a job offer abroad in Qatar, ex wife has flown back and forth, children have been out 4 or 5 times for a holiday. Ex Wife has now married her partner, April 2014 and announced that she will be relocating to live with her husband. My DH has PR and has made it clear that he will not be giving consent. He has also refused mediation on the basis that there is nothing to mediate about. In his opinion, any contact less than the eow he currently has, would be intolerable. So , off to court ex-wife must go to get an order that varies the current contact order and allows her to move to Qatar. It will come down to a court fight with DH saying that it is not in the interests of the children for them to move to Qatar where there is no specialist school for DSS and once the place is given up here, there are over 200 children waiting to take it. one of the twins is on School action plus (international schools in Qatar do not seem to be keen on learning difficulties as it brings the league tables down) so provision for her would not be as good as UK... And of course DH will be devastated about losing them with exception of twice a year and Skype. This has to be weighed up against Ex W completely normal desire to live with her new DH, the fact that she does the lion share of Parenting on her own. (Her choice DH would love to be more involved but this is not accepted if not during his contact time)the sort of lifestyle that we could not begin to be able to give his dcs here in the UK and ultimately having discussed this with them in the most passive way possible, their desire to go. Mum has obviously 'sold 'it to them - an example being, from DSS, 'when we go I can go to a proper school' (like it's optional to be fully statemented and in a school for children with special needs, made me a bit ??) I would obviously miss them dreadfully too, as would my dcs (their step siblings who have been in their lives since they were 2 and 4yrs. So is DH (and me by supporting him) being unreasonable in making Ex W go to court and have welfare reports done on the possible effects this move could or could not have on Dcs and the huge fight and massive costs to her that will entail , to prevent them going or should he just do what the children seem to want although they have no real understanding of what it will be like to only see him twice a year.
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AIBU?
Or more to the point is DH being unreasonable
27 replies
Patchworkpatty · 17/01/2015 10:31
OP posts:
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