when you realise your friends are not really your friends(8 Posts)
I've known 2 friends for 6 years, met them at antenatal group and saw them often through the baby years. When dcs started school, we kept our friendship and met up once or twice a week for coffee, I always considered them friends. Anyway, I joined fb last year and it was then that I noticed that they saw each other a lot socially(and another mum from school who joins us for coffee) dinner parties, girls weekends away etc. They never talk about their plans in front of me but then openly post about it on fb. Do they not realise that I'm going to see this and feel left out? I feel so lonely and left out I don't want to meet up with them again. Anyone experienced anything similar?
Well, I'd say they can't dislike you if you're still going for coffee twice a week. Usually for weekends away to happen someone has to instigate it, come up with the idea. It could have happened innocently - i.e. two in the group talking about a common interest in something. Maybe it's just into a habit of you not being part of it as for some reason they've picked up, perhaps incorrectly, that you'd not be interested. Why don't you say in conversation I saw your trip away the other weekend, it looked great, I'm up for coming along next time - all smiles and light. If they go underground with plans after that then that's your message but right now I think it could still go either way.
When you get together for weekly coffees how do they interact with you? You would kind of get a feel if they are friends or not if you meet with them quite often.
They're fine when we meet up, I know the two of them are close and they've become v friendly with this new other mum too, which is fine, but I do feel left out. I find it odd that we can be having a coffee on Saturday morning and they don't mention that they're having a dinner party that night. It's probably been going on for years but I've only found out since I joined fb last xmas and keep seeing all the lovely stuff they get up to
That sounds really upsetting. Do you ever ask them about the things you aren't invited to, or mention them in any way?
I'd find that upsetting too and I would wonder why.
I took myself off FB a while ago and got left out of a couple of things that were arranged through there because they couldn't be bothered to think to text me, it was literally be on FB or just get left out. I wonder if it could be a similar thing? But to see you that day and not mention what they are doing later is a bit odd. Saying that I have some friends at school and I frequently find out through FB that they have met up even though I have been talking to them a couple etc of hours before but sometimes I think it is a case of not everyone else needs to be invited to everything. Could be the case here. Maybe they don't really consider you a close friend.
I think your reading to much into this.
Not everyone your friends with has to be your best friend.
I have a couple of best friends, friends for years and years I would class them as family. I also have other friends that I love chatting to and meeting up with but would not like to go away for weekends with them and their dc. It's not personal but we haven't clicked to that best friend sort of friendship even though I like them.
I also see one of my best friends a lot more then the other, doesn't mean anything at all. My best friends also have other best friends that they do things with without me... and that's fine I don't even notice and if something happens to be on fb about best friend A out with her other best friend I like it. I do not think oh what about me. I might comment oh best friends friend I haven't seen you for ages we should arrange a night out but I don't ever feel left out.
You need to find best friend sort of friends if you want weekends away with friends.
I understand that this may be upsetting, but YABU.
If you would like to get more involved, start by asking them over for dinner to yours, or organising a weekend away yourself and inviting them. If you make an effort, they may well be happy to include you.
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