I have been tempted a few times to rant on here about my 'MIL' (actually just mum of partner of 18 months) but I've tried many times to give her the benefit of the doubt. Whenever I visit her I help around the house, offer to get her things from the shops, often take a bottle of wine to say thanks for having me over (DP and I are long distance so stay with each other for a couple/few days when we have time - just left uni before anyone asks why he's at home).
Anyway, here's the issue that has set me off. Got a text from DP yesterday asking if he's a bad person. I replied not at all, why? DP then said he'd been calling his phone service provider to put his phone account into his name, but had been put on hold for a while and had a meeting to get to, so decided to go to the meeting and then call the phone provider again later. When he hung up, apparently MIL started shouting and screaming at him, calling him a fuckwit and a bully and that he'll end up alone because he's a horrible person. DP is very sensitive, his dad left when he was young and he has a real fear of being 'horrible' like his dad which his nasty mother plays on. I've seen her when she gets into a rage, and I can only describe her as unhinged. When she's shouted at him like this whilst I'm there she often does it through our bedroom door and I just sit in the room willing her not to come in. I wouldn't say I'm scared of her, more her unpredictable, unexplainable rage.
Other issues over the past year:
She's referred to my family as 'idiots' and 'chavs' having never met them
She frequently shouts nastily eg: a cold caller rang her and you would have thought she was talking to her worst enemy, shrieking and spitting down the phone
She tells me how many hours I should be working (fewer apparently) when I'm managing just fine
She doesn't allow her son to do anything for himself eg: he once put pasta on to boil in cold water. Rather than just leaving it and explaining it's quicker next time if you boil the kettle first, she shrieked at him about how he was cooking it wrong and re-did it herself
Her toilet has been broken for the past year (temperamental flush). She refused to fix it, then shrieked and swore whenever it broke, which was foreseeable because it was bloody broken already!!
Last year her roof needed fixing. Knowing she didn't have the money for it, she had it fixed, them asked DP to pay £600 of the bill out of his student grant. DP was living with me at the time and I put my foot down because he needed that money for his share of the rent.
She frequently acts like a frail old woman who needs help doing everything because of various 'ailments' - I have to keep reminding DP she's only 54, not a bloody pensioner!!
This is causing real issues. I've decided I can't carry on with DP. I don't want to be the woman who says 'it's me or her', but equally I don't want to end up related to this nasty, toxic woman. I just feel awful because I care so much for DP and don't want to leave him to be subject to his mother's nastiness - he is such a loving, caring partner and I know he sees us having a future. I'm not really here to ask you all for an answer, I know the answer is to end things rather than string him along, but it just feel awful because I love him and worry about what his mother will be like, considering she often gleefully tells him no one but her cares about him and that he's going to end up alone because of what a 'bully' he is (also bear in mind his father leaving has left DP with serious abandonment issues which we've been working on during our time together). She's the fucking bully. I hate her.
AIBU?
Another MIL one
BabstheChicken · 08/12/2014 17:57
To be honest, I think you're being a bit rash to end the relationship so early on because of his mum. Obviously it's difficult while he's living at home, but how were things when you were living together? Assuming you're planning to live together again when you're able to, won't you be able to put boundaries in place to prevent her behaviour affecting you?
I don't think that if you leave him they will work on their relationship/her behaviour 
if she was self-aware enough to improve her behaviour then she would not behave that way in the first place. And he is unlikely to stand up to her when he is living there, especially as you dumping him will just confirm her statement about being the only one who loves him.
If you don't want to be with him then obviously that's your decision, but if you love him then I think YABU to throw the relationship away over this. Obviously your MIL is never going to be a lovely person, but you and your DP might be able to put some boundaries in place and have a lovely life despite her bullying.
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