Aibu to think that conversation in the office shouldn't change just because I am present?

[Sothisishowitfeels]

Dh and I run a small business its in an office which including me and dh is only 7 people (5 employees). They are all male web developers apart from me (I am obviously female!).

When only dh is in the office they chat about all sorts but when I am there they tone it right down so there is no talk of girlfriends or even any swearing . I know this is the case - even they admit it and claim it's because they don't want to offend me... Because I am a woman and in one of their words "there is less innuendo when I am there"

Aibu to be slightly hurt by this and feel a well ... Unwanted....

[pluCaChange]

Ah, don't take it badly. They sound nice, even a bit innocent, if they are "toning down" even the swearing and talk of girlfriends, rather than "toning down" rampant misogyny!

Another point to consider is productivity: you might be getting them to work harder, if "banter" is out in your presence. Wouldn't your DH like to have more authority over them?

[t3rr3gl35]

Agree with increased productivity. Also, I think they are showing a level of respect that is increasingly rare nowadays, and think it's very sweet.

On the other hand, if you're feeling a little hurt and unwanted, is this because they give the impression that they resent your presence? Have you discussed how you feel with your husband and what are his thoughts?

Can't offer anything constructive but I hope you can sort it. Ultimately, you are one of the bosses and should not feel uncomfortable in your workplace.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Be glad that someone there has some clout. That's you, by the way.

[Birdsgottafly]

It depends on what the banter is like when you are not there. I've never had conversations toned down around me, I've always joined in, because I'm equal to the men.

Not swearing in front of women is infantilising them, treating them as more sensitive and unable to cope with "Men's talk".

Perhaps it's because your DH works there, your seen as belonging to one of them and you treat a wife differently to a female who is seen as fair game.

If they are not being insulting towards their GF's, what is the need to stop the conversation?

You are being viewed differently because of your gender.

[Andrewofgg]

Birdsgottafly by definition you don't know what the conversation is like when you are out of the room. Perhaps it gets coarse and they insult their GFs!

My office is open plan and about 60% female, so that this hardly arises. I think in the staff canteen you may get a group of women or of men eating together by choice and discussing matters of common interest. But you also get mixed groups discussing matters of common interest to them all. Equal rights does not mean that we have to be identical in our private lives and private interests, does it?

[CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup]

I thought the op was going to be that the conversation stopped when she went in the room.

That would be a different situation. As in they were talking about you. As you were! Carry on.

[Sothisishowitfeels]

I never thought about it like that - I suppose I did do interviews and I pay wages and organize their work etc. Dh is more technical so is working with them on the projects more than me. I don't think they resent me being there they are friendly and seem happy enough!

Feel a bit stupid for being upset now

[Whatsthewhatsthebody]

You all sound so nice. What a lovely bunch of co workers.