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AIBU?

Feel awful- what should I have done?

15 replies

FoxgloveFairy · 22/11/2014 19:00

In town a while ago and there was a young couple ( late teens?) having a very loud, angry argument as they walked down the street. He was stalking off and she was following on in tears. The whole street could see and hear this. Ended up with him walking back to her, another angry exchange and then he pushed her into a wall which she slid down, and he stalked off. I went over and asked her if she was okay. The partner meanwhile had doubled back and was walking towards us quickly. She nodded that yes, she was okay and he came up and told her off for worrying people! She got up and walked off with him. Just feel I should have done more really, but I don't know what.

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SolidGoldBrass · 22/11/2014 19:03

I'm not sure there was much more you could have done if she went off with him. If you'd had more time with her you might have been able to gently suggest WA/check if she felt safe/offered to ring the police for her or something - but well done for speaking to her at all - lots of people would have taken no notice.

FoxgloveFairy · 22/11/2014 19:05

What stunned me was that everyone else just walked by! Poor girl was crying hysterically.

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LadyLuck10 · 22/11/2014 19:11

Most people would walk by and not want to get involved in this nonsense. He stalked off but yet she followed him when she could have phoned the police.

Blueteas · 22/11/2014 19:14

Ladyluck, you clearly live in a very sheltered world if you think that a very young woman in an abusive, violent relationship is automatically empowered to call 999.

Zone2mum · 22/11/2014 19:15

Would it be worth you reporting this assault to the police? Don't know what they'd do, but assuming his violence becomes a regular occurence and one day she reports him herself, it might be helpful to her to have corroboration? (Just musing, I have no idea). Well done to you for checking she was ok.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 22/11/2014 19:19

at domestic abuse being described as 'nonsense'.

FoxgloveFairy · 22/11/2014 19:23

Thought about police, but I don't know what they could do if I don't know who they are.

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DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 22/11/2014 19:29

How do you know that he wouldn't have hit her harder if she hadn't followed him? It can be a self preservation action to attach yourself to an abuser. Even when she didn't follow him, he came back for her so your comment shows real ignorance Lady.

If this attack happened on a high street it might have been covered by cctv. So, a report to the police might bear fruit?

FoxgloveFairy · 22/11/2014 19:49

No, I'm in Australia and we don't have a lot of CCTV in our closest city- only at crossings and pedestrian malls, places like that. I say city- pretty small, about 350000 people. Small in city terms.

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redexpat · 22/11/2014 19:59

Is there a non emergency number you can call to report it?

There probably isnt a lot they can do, but if someone else calls during another incident, and this one comes to light because it is on record, then it can help.

FoxgloveFairy · 22/11/2014 20:03

There is, actually. I can describe them, anyway.

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FoxgloveFairy · 22/11/2014 20:05

Thanks red expat, will call.

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RaisingMen · 22/11/2014 20:36

I don't think you could have done more. She has to realise by herself. My husband and I once got involved when we saw a man beating his girlfriend up as we walked home from the pub one evening. That little good deed almost got my husband killed and we saw her walking hand in hand with him down the high street a week later. I would honestly keep walking if I saw anything like that again and call the police from a safe distance.

FoxgloveFairy · 22/11/2014 20:53

Actually, my husband thought that. He didn't think I should have gone over especially when the man started walking back.

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SolidGoldBrass · 23/11/2014 10:49

A few months ago I was involved in something a bit similar but in this case the girl was happy to let me call the police and wait with her until they came (even though the wretched man came back and was a bit verbally abusive).
But about 20 years ago I went and picked up a girl who had been thumped by her boyfriend and had a similar experience to the OP - the abuser came back and despite me attempting to scare him off with my umbrella he and the girl stumbled off weeping in each other's arms.
It's still good to intervene when you can and show that it is NOt Acceptable OP, so well done.

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