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To think that family are getting coal for Christmas.(Not lighthearted.)

(33 Posts)
TheDoctorDances Wed 19-Nov-14 13:28:44

I've been ill for the last five days with a water infection which has turned into a kidney infection. I'm off work, in pain and I'm going to the Doctor later for different antibiotics as the first lot hasn't worked.

I'm shaky, confused and struggling is the gist. My dog hasn't had a walk for days as I can't manage it and I live alone.

I come from a large family. Last time I was ill with a broken hand, they all insisted if I'd asked they would have helped me out, etc.

My immediate family (Dad and sister) know I'm ill as I've told them but I've had no offers of help at all. I've put a post up on Facebook saying I have to sell a gig ticket as I'm too ill to go tonight. I don't want to do the shameless "poor me" IRL. One person has replied asking if I'm okay. One person and it's someone I barely know. I feel so totally alone and helpless. I'm sat here wondering if anything happened to me, how long before I was found?

Sorry for long ranty post but am at my wits end.

stitch10yearson Wed 19-Nov-14 13:31:34

You need to either call, or text your dad and your sister, and tell them to come help you. don't ask for it. just tell them they need to. random hints on fb are not the way forward, nor are posts on mums net.
best of luck with it all

Dawndonnaagain Wed 19-Nov-14 13:32:13

Oh, it's awful isn't it. Sometimes people are torn, not sure whether they will be perceived as helpful or interfering. Perhaps if you asked outright, DS, would you nip to the supermarket and get me some cranberry juice, milk and then get the dog out for ten minutes please, wouldn't normally ask but we're both desperate!
It may work.
I do hope you feel better soon, I've had kidney infections and they're awful.
flowers

TeenAndTween Wed 19-Nov-14 13:36:18

Ask for help. Say what you need.
Don't assume they are psychic.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Wed 19-Nov-14 13:38:01

Stitch is right- you need to be more direct- phone your family and say 'I'm really ill, I don't suppose you could come over and help me out?'
If they say no, then that is the time to moan, not before you've even asked for help.

littlemslazybones Wed 19-Nov-14 13:39:26

You need to ask for help. They said as much the last time. There is a big difference between not feeling up to a concert and needing help, so the Facebook thing is a bit silly.

TheDoctorDances Wed 19-Nov-14 13:47:19

I've said in the FB post I have a kidney infection. It pisses me off as we're a big family but everyone seems to be out for themselves.

They don't drive, both have bus passes but I still get called on for lifts constantly from the next town over. Yet they've been to see me once in six months, it's less than an hour on a bus.

If they need help I drop everything and go and make sure they're okay but I get nothing back.

SnowInWinter Wed 19-Nov-14 13:50:56

No point in dropping subtle hints on facebook then get offended because they don't respond.....how do you know they have even read the messages?
If you need help then call them, They are not mind readers.

You told them you are ill but may they not realise how much pain you are in.
If you have never had a kidney infection yourself it would be easy to overlook how bad it can get.

Pick up the phone!!

TheDoctorDances Wed 19-Nov-14 13:52:10

Sorry, I realise how defeatist that sounds but I'm beyond fed up.

littlemslazybones Wed 19-Nov-14 13:54:22

They might be utter cunts Doctor. However, if someone in my family wasn't well but was at work, I would think they were managing fine and leave them to it. If they asked for help, I'd be there in a heartbeat.

Gruntfuttock Wed 19-Nov-14 13:55:11

Phone them!

OddFodd Wed 19-Nov-14 13:55:41

What everyone else said. Ask for help. I don't think you realise until you've had one how horrible a kidney infection is (I've had one and it was a real shock so you have my sympathies).

Also, if they're used to you helping them, they are just following the usual dynamics and have probably put you in the independent and capable box.

I hope you feel better v soon flowers

littlemslazybones Wed 19-Nov-14 13:55:42

Sorry, you are off work, I miss read.

PatriciaHolm Wed 19-Nov-14 13:56:53

They said to ask for help.

You haven't. Instead you have posted hapless poor meeee posts on Facebook and again expected them to read between the lines.

TELL them. RING them. ASK!

littlemslazybones Wed 19-Nov-14 13:57:45

...Mis-read...

I take it back. Kidney infections are awful, get well soon.

MonstrousRatbag Wed 19-Nov-14 13:58:45

Ask directly. Please ring someone now and say you need a visit because you are struggling. Don't wait for people to read between the lines.

fromparistoberlin73 Wed 19-Nov-14 14:03:34

Dear Dad and Sister
I am really not well- please can you pop over, at if nothinglse the dog needs walk. Love TheDoctorDances

ASK them, I suspsetc yopu are too scared to ask just in case they say "no" then you feel worse? I get it XX

TheDoctorDances Wed 19-Nov-14 14:21:06

That's exactly it, Paris

I think you've said what I was scared to think.

My Dad phoned me on Sunday for the first time in months to ask me for a lift with something. I was actually in the Walk-In centre at the time, explained I was ill and haven't heard back since.

quietbatperson Wed 19-Nov-14 16:49:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hatespiders Wed 19-Nov-14 17:03:02

When I lived alone I had this type of situation. I had no family (my sis lives up in Scotland) and I was practically bedridden with a nasty illness. My poor old Siamese cat was ill and I was frantic. Eventually I swallowed my pride (for the cat's sake) and phoned my next-door neighbour, whom I hardly knew. She came flying round, took the cat to the Vet and got back with tins of soup and made me sandwiches.
Don't be too proud to get help. Your dog needs walking and your family owe it to you.
I hope it all turns out alright and you get well very soon. x

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Wed 19-Nov-14 17:37:58

An hour's bus ride isn't exactly round the corner is it? I can see why they don't just pop in if they're that far away. Just ask for their help.

fromparistoberlin73 Wed 19-Nov-14 17:40:35

I feel for you, if its any consolation i feel the same about my forthcoming operation

DP will not help
DC will jump all over me
Mother wont help
Family wont help

and I will DIE---waaaah !!!

It takes courage to ask for help XX

SlimJiminy Wed 19-Nov-14 18:03:35

It does sound like you're having a hard time - and possibly doing too much running around after everyone else - but I cannot stand people who whinge on Facebook. Thankfully I don't see many people doing it because I've deleted or hidden them. Sorry. I wouldn't necessarily think someone who said they were ill on FB wanted anything other than a whinge. You need to ask directly.

Depending on the response to a direct request for some help, perhaps this could be a good time for you to STOP running around so much after everyone else?! Sometimes it's only when we need the help of other people - and don't get it - that we realise how much of a one-way street it has been. Let them make a bit more effort and if they don't... well... maybe you don't see as much of them / they don't get ferried about all the time.

Hope you feel better soon flowers

emotionsecho Wed 19-Nov-14 18:19:32

Doctor your family said they would help if you had asked, so now is the time to put that to the test - ask clearly and unambiguously for help.

If they fail to help, have you got a neighbour, friends or work colleagues you could ask - you need help, most people are happy to give it if they know or are asked. Don't sit there suffering, please ask for some help.

If your family don't/won't help, you should reassess the help you give them.

Deemail Wed 19-Nov-14 18:41:10

Oh wow, as someone who's lucky enough to have quiet a few people who will offer me help if needed, I really feel for you. Is there anyone else you could ask, who'd be a bit nearer even if it was just to walk the dog? Maybe there's a neighbourhood teen who you could ask to do it plus pick up a few hits in the shops for you, if you throw them a few quid?

Your post has made me resolve to offer more in future if someone needs help, I'm not going to presume they'll ask, lots of family doesn't always mean lots of help.

Get better soon

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