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AIBU?

Inow would you feel about this text

21 replies

Smartypants86 · 01/11/2014 10:32

I al NC with in laws we don't get along MIL has been horrible to me. DH brings DS (5 months) to see his M on his days off he works shifts so can to two weeks without calling. I don't let my DS be minded by the MIL as she has been very disrespectful to me plus she has three dogs and allows them round DS no matter what I say.

Anyway SIL texted my DH arranging to take DS To the mothers house for the day while I was at work. Her plan was to collect him after I'd left for work and return him before I got back. I am fuming that the MIL and SIL would try and do this. DH thinks I'm over reacting as he said no anyway but I only found out as I was noseying through his phone

How would you feel

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Smartypants86 · 01/11/2014 10:32

Sorry for spellings on phone

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CleanLinesSharpEdges · 01/11/2014 10:35

They tried asking, your DH said no. I don't understand what the problem is? That they asked in the first place? Well there's nothing you or your DH can do about that.

financialwizard · 01/11/2014 10:35

I'd be cross that sil would have the audacity to do that but as DH said no there is no harm done so would probably just let it go and have it in the back of my mind not to trust her as far as I could throw her.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 01/11/2014 10:36

Why where you looking through his phone?

glenthebattleostrich · 01/11/2014 10:38

I'd be quite pleased that your DH backed you up. And annoyed with sil for trying it on

wanttosqueezeyou · 01/11/2014 10:41

Your in laws are disrespectful to you and clearly can't be trusted which you already knew but would make me really angry.

Good on your DH for backing you up.

I'd be really pissed off if someone went through my phone messages.

Smartypants86 · 01/11/2014 11:14

No reason for looking at his phone we DONT mind each other looking at our phones so it's never an issue with us.

What I'm annoyed at is they were fine to take my son without my permission they know this. I think if this was done on any mother or father it's so disrespectful. I'm happy he backed me up but it still makes me uneasy they'd be willing to lie regarding a child

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Smartypants86 · 01/11/2014 11:15

Btw they didn't ask it was more a 'this is ehat is happening' text

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Iggi999 · 01/11/2014 11:21

Are you sure that this hasn't been happening?

gentlehoney · 01/11/2014 11:28

They only need your husband's permission and it sounds as if they might have had it already.

Smartypants86 · 01/11/2014 11:28

Yea I know he wouldn't lie to me re: DS

But I can feel an argument brewing over all this. There was also another text from his older sister threatening to hit me 'this time she wouldn't miss'

So I don't feel bad not letting my son be minded by them after reading those

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Nomama · 01/11/2014 11:48

Woah! Back up a little bit.

YOU can do nothing about this other than discuss it with your DH. HE has to sort it out with them. But you can't force him to, they are also his family and you being NC doesn't mean he has to be - she says having been NC with DHs family for about 15 years.

Sit him down and calmly talk it through again. You must accept that his decisions are as valid as yours. If he says yes, then yes is his answer. You can't veto him, or him you. You have to discuss it and come to a workable compromise - and acknowledge that one or both of you may be unhappy with that compromise.

If his family have threatened you do you know how he responded? Mine was a bit woolly, following the family line of 'ah, he was dwunk' when his DB was physically and verbally abusive to me. I told him how that made me feel and asked him how he really felt about the whole thing. He then told his DB to back off and that his behaviour was utterly unacceptable. Further contact was reliant on DB holding his tongue.

Good luck getting it sorted.

gentlehoney · 01/11/2014 11:58

It is unlikely that someone would text about punching her brother's wife unless she knew that the brother was pretty fed up with her too.

I am sorry, but it "looks" as if your husband is not happy with the current arrangements, has voiced his concerns to the family, and has already let your son see his family while you are at work (or at least agreed to do so)

Smartypants86 · 01/11/2014 12:03

Actually she threatened it because my DH was arguing with her over trying to do it at our wedding so you are jumping to conclusions

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gentlehoney · 01/11/2014 12:06

We can only go by whatever information you give us. I can see why you want minimal contact with the family.

Smartypants86 · 01/11/2014 12:08

Also I
Encourage DH to see his mother with our DS I just don't feel comfortable with her looking after him alone as she doesn't follow my rules says I'm too fussy etc I may be but he is my son and ud respect other people's eishes with their children. It's best I stay away from his family as we don't get on so I've went NC

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Smartypants86 · 01/11/2014 12:10

Sorry the text from his older sister was sent on a seperate occasion wasn't to do with DS I didn't make that clear reading back

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LosingAllTheLego · 01/11/2014 12:16

Regardless of whether you have access to each other's phones it's massively possessive and weird to just 'go through' someone's messages. I'd be fucking livid if anyone did that to me.

Aside from that I don't really see the issue. Whether you're no contact or no with your MIL, she obviously still wants to see her GC, and I don't see anything out of order in her or SIL texting your DH, their family member, something to that effect.

gentlehoney · 01/11/2014 12:20

Oh I see. Even so, Smartypants, I would be very worried about letting your sister in law near him. You can compromise on many things like perhaps the dogs, and relax rules about looking after him while he is there, but violent behaviour is a different matter altogether.
If I was you I would do my best to move as far away as I possibly could.
Anyway, the important thing is that your husband refused to do as his sister wished.

Smartypants86 · 01/11/2014 12:25

Losing I understand everyone is different about their messages we just aren't bothered if the other looks. So we don't find it possessive or weird and in our case that's all that matters.

It isn't about seeing him I just think that after how they have behaved which has lead to the no contact and knowing full well I am not comfortable with them minding him that it is extremely disrespectful and sly IMO to try and organise to take a bsby somewhere where the mother isn't happy with behind her back. And I'd be the same with a father too

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Iggi999 · 01/11/2014 14:29

Why does your dh spend any time with a sister who tried to hit his wife at their wedding ? This is not normal behaviour at all.

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