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im a f***ing horrible mother

(17 Posts)
IJustCantDoItAnymore Thu 30-Oct-14 22:30:55

This week Dh and I have come to a bitter end, he's living here still for another few days, we've not told kids yet but I think they sense an atmosphere. I won't go into details over why we're divorcing but Dh has been a nasty horrible man for some time now... He's always been abusive emotionally and I just can't take it anymore. I have a young ds who never sleeps and dd has just been so mardy this week.
iv just lost it today.. dd came in and I started having a go over her new boots which she had carelessly dragged through dirt and when I asked her to apologise she said no in my face and I lost my temper and patted her on the bum. I have no idea where it came from and I instantly apologised. She's only 6 iv Sat and cried all night. I feel like I'm falling apart sad

duckbilled Thu 30-Oct-14 22:35:41

Take a deep breath and make a cup of tea. You made a mistake in a moment of feeling very stressed and overwhelmed. You have apologised to your dd and tomorrow is a new day. You are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation thanks

Winterbells Thu 30-Oct-14 22:37:18

You are not a horrible mother.

You're family is going through a huge change. You are dealing with a very tough and stressful situation, tempers are going to be short, nerves are frayed. You reacted in a not so great way but you apologised, your daughter will be fine.

Have you got support from friends and family? I really feel for you. flowers

Discopanda Thu 30-Oct-14 22:37:40

You aren't a horrible mother, you're only human and sounds like you're going through an utterly shit time. You'll come out of this a stronger person xx

lemisscared Thu 30-Oct-14 22:38:16

You are not a awful mother. Things will get better now x

olgaga Thu 30-Oct-14 22:38:27

Come on now, you're not a bad mum! You're a mum under intense pressure haing been let down badly.

Don't beat yourself up about this incident - we've probably all done ut - under far less pressure than you right now.

FoxgloveFairy Thu 30-Oct-14 22:39:39

You are not a bad Mum, based on here. What you are is overwhelmed,emotionally and physically. Your daughter will get over a pat on the bum given under huge stress. Do you have any support nearby? I really hope so. Surely there is some support to be accessed, because you sound as though you desperately need it. Thinking of you, and don't be so hard on yourself. flowers

Aeroflotgirl Thu 30-Oct-14 22:40:05

Well done for leaving this horrible and abusive man, that is a very big and positive step. You sound like a fantastic mum, nobodies perfect and you are going through a lot right now. flowers cake wine for you.

foslady Thu 30-Oct-14 22:41:11

The last thing you are is a horrible mother.

You are a stressed mother who's going through the shitest of times.

If you can, outdoor play area/park, let them run themselves ragged, get yourself out of the home and treat you all to a big slice of cake and an even bigger hug.

And count down the hours til he's gone........

IJustCantDoItAnymore Thu 30-Oct-14 22:44:12

Thanks everyone, I can't stop crying, it was just a pat and she laughed it off but I feel so horrible. Iv never really even shouted at her properly, maybe the odd raised voice but I'm usually quite a reasonable person. Dh is not one bit arsed that I'm leaving him. I feel so empty and so full of anger and sadness all at once. The only person I've told is my mum and she just thinks I'm making a rod for my own back financially as she so kindly put it. I've got no friends and kids are all ive got.

CurlyWurlyCake Thu 30-Oct-14 22:47:39

You are not a bad mum thanks

The fact that you care enough to be posting shows how great you are.

You hae a lot to deal with right now and by the sounds of it have only had one melt down which means you are doing well.

Do you really have no one in RL you can tell?

IJustCantDoItAnymore Thu 30-Oct-14 22:52:07

No not really curlywurly. I am pretty alone. Once Dh is gone I'm going to be a single parent with very little support and that frightens me a bit of I'm honest. I have been a SAHM for the past 6 years because it was what worked in our situation with my husband travelling and working odd hours. So I'm starting all over again, alone.

GiantHulkHands Thu 30-Oct-14 22:56:54

I think your children will be better off when they are not constantly living in an environment with an emotionally abusive person. And so will you.

You've called yourself a horrible mother, actually I think you're a rather courageous and loving mother.

There are support groups out there if you need them, if you need someone to talk to. Please don't be disheartened and don't focus on your mother's remarks.

CurlyWurlyCake Thu 30-Oct-14 23:01:15

I agree with Giant.

You will make it through and be so much happier for it and so will your DC. How many children do you have?

your DD is 6 so in school, are you managing to make friends at the school gate?

PoundingTheStreets Thu 30-Oct-14 23:05:32

Most of us have been there at some point. When you're under intense stress it is often something seemingly trivial that pushes us over the edge. Your reaction to it is pretty much conclusive evidence that you're not on the path to becoming a child abuser and that this is a (minor) one-off borne from a horrible situation. Chalk it up to experience, learn to recognise what you were feeling just before it happened and you'll be absolutely fine.

Good luck with the rest of your life. It will all be worth it in the end. flowers

patronisingbitchinthewardrobe Thu 30-Oct-14 23:09:20

I can't tell you the horrible things I did when my husband and I were splitting up - but daughter remembers! I recall screaming 'Its not you its the solicitors and ... everything!' whilst rampantly having a go at her and she was only small, four to six. She says she forgives me.

The end of a marriage is horribly hard. You can't expect to be at your best all the time, even for the people you want to protect most.

Two strategies:

Tell them, when you're beginning to feel wound.
Explain to them and apologise if you get things wrong, and tell them you love them.

DoJo Thu 30-Oct-14 23:13:30

I'm going to be a single parent with very little support and that frightens me a bit of I'm honest.

It doesn't sound like you've got much support now, so I'm sure you will actually be better off without someone bringing you down and making life actively unpleasant for you all. Your kids will learn, as they get older, that you are doing the right thing for them and that you are doing this for them. I am also guessing that you will find there are lots of people in the same situation as you who will understand what you have been through, what challenges you will be facing and what you can do to pick yourself up and dust yourself down and find happiness without your husband. And you will do all of that and more - you've already done something massively courageous that you should be proud of (and tell your mum that if she hasn't got anything helpful to say then she can keep her negativity to herself!). flowers

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