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to be feeling like this about my mum

(7 Posts)
MilkshakeMonkey Thu 28-Aug-14 08:48:01

This could be a long story....

ok background. My dad died 8 years ago. Me and mun have never been that close, but this seemed to pull her closer to my sister and further from me. My sister dictates her life and she seems happy to do this.
A few months ago mum put what was our family home on the market. I thought this was a good thing, the house was too big for her and she said she wanted a bungalow as she worried about the stairs in the future (she already finds some stairs difficult). She has now had an offer excepted on a house (with stairs!) Directly opposite my sisters house.
I feel she may as well cut me off all together. She has my DCs twice a month so I can work, but now shes moving further, I will have to find alternative. No big deal, but its another example of how she doesn't think of me.

I am on antidepressants. My marriage is inrrecovery following my husband having an affair end of last year (to which she wasn't supportive of me).
I just feel unlovable :-(

But I feel torn. Should I just be happy my mum is happy and get on with it. Or aibu to feel like no body gives a s* about me?

MrsWinnibago Thu 28-Aug-14 08:53:12

I think you sound like you've got things out of context slightly...but that's only based on the info you have given. Here's the thing...stairs are awkward yes but perhaps she's thinking there's no point in planning for difficulty which may not ever arise?

Personally I'd be glad that my sister would have the bulk of the care of her in her old age! I know that sounds harsh but I see so many stressed people on here with elderly parents.....you sound more like you'ere suffering from the after effects of the affair. What about counselling?

nannynoss Thu 28-Aug-14 08:57:26

Sorry you are feeling like this. I know when I have been suffering badly with depression, everything feels like a personal attack at me, and so I would sometimes get upset and angry about things that other people just find baffling.
I also used to work for somebody with severe depression who was the same way. I'd do something and really, really not realise how offended and angry he was with me because of it.
So maybe it does all feel like nobody gives a shit about you, because all your feelings are escalated. It doesn't mean it's true though, and it doesn't mean you're being unreasonable to be upset about it either.
Maybe your mum just couldn't find a suitable bungalow, so has compromised with a smaller house that is easier to clean, fits a stair lift for future maybe, cheaper to run, that sort of thing.
Also, maybe she moved close to your sister and she thought she may need help in future and didn't want to burden you with it as you are clearly having a bad time.
Has she spoken to you about the childcare arrangements? I'm sorry you have to find alternative, that is annoying for you.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 28-Aug-14 09:18:55

I would tentatively suggest your family knows you have had a rough time and when the place opposite your DSis came up, they simply thought this is handy, not "Let's upset Milkshake by deliberately choosing a new home for Mum some distance away from her".

Very sorry to hear your H did the dirty on you.

MilkshakeMonkey Thu 28-Aug-14 09:35:54

This is why mumsnet rocks -it gives perspective!

You are all right, it just feels so personal. I think Donkey has how they are probably seeing it (although I have my doubts about my sister, she's only happy if I'm not)

I wish mum felt she needed me. My nieces are favoured over my DCs every time. Even my dog is an outcast!

I guess the 'house vs bungalow' thing, just makes it feel more deliberate. Mum has already had a knee replacement and isn't very mobile for her age. She was the one who was insistent on the bungalow. The house she is buying is smaller then where she is but still would be a family sized home.

I haven't got on with counselling in the past, and as I maybe paying for childcare soon, I don't want to be spending out on something that doesn't work

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine Thu 28-Aug-14 10:43:20

Oh op that sounds like you have had a shit time.
I do agree with the above posters and why don't you go see your mum have a cuppa and tell her how pleSed you are about the move but that you feel so vulnerable.

She might not have a clue. She may be worried about you but not wanting to bring things up that might upset you.

It's always best to be honest I think. Tell her.

MilkshakeMonkey Thu 28-Aug-14 13:12:02

Sadly were just not that close. She doesn't know I'm on antidepressants. I feel selfish if I bring it up with her also

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