Hello
I need a little advice on how to deal with my DM.
Ever since we had our DS (7 months) my DM has started treating me like a child. I'm 27, DS is my first child, my DM's first grandchild. I also have a DSD from my DH's 1st marriage so I'm not totally new to being a parent.
When DS was 3 weeks old my parents came to visit and my DM insisted she was here to 'help' even though there wasn't much help needed as I was BF and my DH was off with me for the first month.
During that visit (and a few others) she made comments about how I was BF wrong (even though HV told me I was doing everything right and DS was and is gaining weight healthily), how co-sleeping was bad, etc etc and basically how 'back in her day they did everything differently' and essentially 'better'. I didn't say anything back to that.
Then the four of us went to stay with my parents for a week and during that visit I noticed my DM wouldn't make any comments when my DH was in the room as he would often bite back if he disagreed with her.
My problem is I'm going home for 5 days just me and my DS, and I know she will be commenting on everything I do. She is very controlling and no one in our family ever really sticks up to her...I have spoken to my DH re this and he says I will have to stick up for myself and DS, there is no other way around it.
So, yesterday when she phoned and said how she will come to help when I go back to work, I tried to say that actually for the first couple of months I would like to settle in our routine first and I was gonna explain that later on she is more than welcome to come and visit/help. But she didn't even let me finish and started shouting at me that if I don't need her help she won't be coming over ever.
All this really upsets me as I just wish my DM would support me rather than stress me out every time she visits or I visit her. I have now started avoiding her calls sometimes and have even lied that my friends are visiting when she has wanted to come over.
She has such a strong personality I find it so difficult to stick up for myself as she either starts shouting or gets offended. I am generally quite quite and I don't like confrontation...so my and DS's visit home is already stressing me out so much I can't sleep at night.
I know I need to talk to her but how???
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AIBU?
Controlling DM
11 replies
billybambam · 26/08/2014 15:08
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