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to think that hen/stag parties shouldn't take up more time than the actual wedding?

(19 Posts)
ikeaismylocal Sun 24-Aug-14 10:37:29

We got married 2 weeks ago, it was lovely, the ceremony was at 2 and the party went on until midnight.

Dp had a belated stag do yesterday as one of his best friends was working overseas until just before the wedding. Dp went out at 10 in the morning and got to bed at 3am.

We have a very active toddler, I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm trying to finish a quite intensive course before my due date, dp is saving all his leave for when the baby comes. We have very little family times so weekends are really precious.

Ds woke at 5am so I sent him into dp to look after as I'd looked after him the majority of the week, all of yesterday and will look after him the majority of next week.

Aibu to think that stag/hen parties should take up less time than the actual wedding?An day out or an evening out should surelybe sufficient? I think it's possibly different if you have done things "the right way around" and you don't already have children.

I am quite possibly being unreasonable and at least it wasn't a bloody entire weekend away!

Heels99 Sun 24-Aug-14 10:39:41

It was one day and one night. Not that unreasonable.

ErmagerdANerknerm Sun 24-Aug-14 10:46:58

Sounds about right for a stag do to be fair. Most stags I know didn't stagger home until daylight so home by 3am is quite good going!

I probably wouldn't have sent any kids into him 2 hours after he got home, probably still drunk, and about as much use as a bottomless cup.

It sounds like a hectic time for you all, but I'd cut him some slack. It was his stag do, not just a random night out because he felt like it.

MagratsHair Sun 24-Aug-14 10:49:15

Its not about the stag weekend, its about your resentment of your DH for leaving you for a whole day when in your opinion he shouldn't.

You sent DS in to him at 5? Really? For attending a stag do when he was the groom due to one of his best friends being unavailable for the other one?

yabu smile

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 24-Aug-14 10:53:29

Did you have a hen do, op?

zazie7 Sun 24-Aug-14 10:55:41

So the stag night was after the wedding? Being out for that length of time seems fair enough but it seems a bit strange/pointless to have a stag night after the wedding.

I think you were a bit mean sending the toddler to him at 5am.

I'm planning a hen weekend and the wedding won't be that long hmm

And before anyone chips in, my friends and family are delighted to be doing a weekend would frankly be disappointed to be doing anything that meant coming in at 2am!

Thurlow Sun 24-Aug-14 10:59:03

Well, there's two things here, isn't there.

On the one hand, I do hate hen and stag dos that last all weekend and so are about 3 times longer than the wedding itself, so YANBU there. Whatever happened to dinner and a party?

But on the other hand, while you are obviously tired and dealing with a lot at the moment (and 8 months pregnant so I probably should say you can't be U about anything grin) it was one night, it was his stag do, even if it was weird timing, and I think you should cut him so slack for that.

Trills Sun 24-Aug-14 10:59:34

That doesn't sound like an unreasonable amount of time to be out for a special occasion.

It also isn't unreasonable or "pointless" to have the stag do after the wedding. The "point" is that it's a time to have a special gathering with your friends. The only way it would be pointless to have it after the wedding would be if you believed in the old fashioned and rather unpleasant "last night of freedom".

InThisTogether Sun 24-Aug-14 11:02:55

sorry yes YABU, you are confusing how you feel with what your new husband deserves. Especialy as it was his stag do. good luck though, life does sound very hectic. smile

ikeaismylocal Sun 24-Aug-14 11:28:31

He wasn't drunk, he isn't a big drinker, I wouldn't have sent the toddler in if I thought it was unsafe.

I had a nice get together the night before the wedding as my hen party, I live in a different country to my family so it needed to be when they were actually in the country we had dinner and drinks in the local restaurant, ds was ill so I didn't stay out very late but even if he hadn't been ill I would have not stayed out so late.

It looks like I'm being unreasonable, I hate it when I'm unreasonable! At least stag dos only happen once in a life time.

Writerwannabe83 Sun 24-Aug-14 11:52:46

YABU - I thought you were going to say he went abroad for 5 days (as is the norm now) not complaining just because he went out for one night grin

Frontier Sun 24-Aug-14 12:07:42

Yes, sorry YABU

Maybe it would have been better if you weren't 8mth pregnant but "only" 10am to 3am and then being in a condition to be willing and able to have DC at 5am makes him a hero in my book. Well, Ok, not quite, but stag do or not, that doesn't sound unreasonable to me at all, as longs as it's not too frequent.

Leela5 Sun 24-Aug-14 12:08:36

Are you perhaps feeling a bit post wedding blues? It's not a crime to be feeling a bit rubbish a couple of weeks after your wedding, when everything is back to normal. Perhaps it's just that he got to go out and have more celebratory time whereas you've had your turn?

I think it's quite reasonable for him to have had a night out and it sounds like it wasn't too wild or long. My husband had a whole weekend stag.

You're allowed to feel a bit flat after your wedding, especially if you have responsibilities like children to look after.

Shake your bad feelings about his night out off and look forward to your marriage.

MegaClutterSlut Sun 24-Aug-14 13:19:20

I think YABU massively and YABU again to make your DH look after your DS 2 hours after getting in imo

Rox19 Sun 24-Aug-14 14:35:48

Why did you get married at 8mpregnant going to be crap however it goes isn't it?!

No hen night, no drink, no fashion, no girlie fun as you have a toddler.

Should've waited until kids were 4+ and done it properly and had a decent honeymoon with kids clubs/ grandparent having kids. Then could've had a decent stag and hen.

ikeaismylocal Sun 24-Aug-14 14:37:04

I think possibly it is blues from my family all going home and also pregnancy emotions, I value the weekends so much, they seem so short and they go so fast.

Luckily dp has been ignoring his tiredness so I have had the chance to catch up on some homework, they have gone to the shops to buy food for me to make dinner, we have had a really relaxed day at home which is rare but has been nice.

I don't think I was at all unreasonable sending ds in to wake dp this morning, I was also awake until 3 as I didn't know if dp had his house keys, I sleep really deeply and often don't wake when my phone rings so he would have been locked out, I really assumed they would be home at 10/11ish, they were out bbq-ing and it gets dark at 9ish. Dp's sleep is usually very protected as he needs a good night sleep to go to work, I have always done the night feeds/wake ups and in a few weeks I'll be doing the night feeds with the newborn and then getting up at the crack of dawn with ds, dp chose to stay out late knowing he would need to be up with ds, it was unfortunate ds woke at 5, usually he sleeps later, but I'm not willing to give up my much needed rest because dp wanted to go out. I have had to look after ds on 2 hours sleep before and not because I have chosen to go out partying, because ds has been up all night.

ikeaismylocal Sun 24-Aug-14 14:43:01

*Why did you get married at 8mpregnant going to be crap however it goes isn't it?!

No hen night, no drink, no fashion, no girlie fun as you have a toddler.

Should've waited until kids were 4+ and done it properly and had a decent honeymoon with kids clubs/ grandparent having kids. Then could've had a decent stag and hen.*

The wedding was alredy booked. The wedding was lovely actually, everything we would have wished for. A wedding isn't about the hen/stag do, the alcohol, the fashion or girlie fun it is about celebrating the love that the couple has for each other and making promises that you intend to keep for the rest of your life, it was actually really special to have ds with us and I felt lovely in my dress with my big bump.

ROARmeow Sun 24-Aug-14 14:49:45

OP, congratulations on your wedding!! thanks

Some miserable posters on this thread. You are 8 months pregnant with DC2 so deserve to moan a bit sometimes.

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