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To be fed up with DP

(22 Posts)
Tapestry12 Fri 22-Aug-14 20:29:54

He has house on south coast. I rent flat in Home Counties. He lives with me in the week cos his work is here and then goes to house at weekends. I sometimes go but don't enjoy. Not my place, not got my things, he lies on sofa, I sit at end of sofa. In flat he gets home first and lies on sofa. Gets up to make me coffee when I come in. Then his dog lies on sofa.
I am then asked what's for dinner....... I am tired, work twelve hour days. I get up at 5.30(dog immediately comes in to get on bed)to get to work at 6.30. He leaves for work at 7.50am and home at 5.30pm. [I'm not really great dog lover].
I pay rent, bills etc for flat, he is supposed to give me 30%. This month he was short cos dog vet bill £40
I told him not going to Coast house as want time on my own.
He says okay. He hasn't a clue how unhappy I am.
Am I being unreasonable to expect him to realise how miserable he is making me, without me telling him, AGAIN. And for him to do something about it.
Oh and I snore, loudly apparently, SO it's my flat. I am the one to go and sleep on sofa bed or in his house sofa in lounge. He can't, of course, cos of his back!!!!!

lildupin Fri 22-Aug-14 20:32:07

Split up? confused

Fairylea Fri 22-Aug-14 20:32:17

.... and you love him because??

It sounds like you're both driving each other crazy. Have you told him how unhappy you are? It sounds like he doesn't have a clue.

Username12345 Fri 22-Aug-14 20:32:39

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to realise how miserable he is making me, without me telling him, AGAIN.

Not if you've already told him.

But, if he has no interest in changing. The real question becomes. What are you going to do?

Take charge of your own happiness.

Bluestocking Fri 22-Aug-14 20:32:58

Are you getting anything at all out of this relationship? I can see what he's getting out of it - cheap and convenient accommodation during the week - but it doesn't sound as though there's anything in it for you.

nocoolnamesleft Fri 22-Aug-14 20:33:37

So...I can see what he's getting out of the relationship- cheap weekday digs. What are you getting?

AnyFucker Fri 22-Aug-14 20:34:40

it's just not working really is it ?

why haven't you come to that conclusion yourself ?

YouTheCat Fri 22-Aug-14 20:37:59

You don't sound like you like him much or his dog. Just tell him it's not working for you and move on.

Guitargirl Fri 22-Aug-14 20:40:14

Why on earth are you still together? Do you love him? You don't sound as though you like him very much.

MajesticWhine Fri 22-Aug-14 20:42:48

Do you ever do anything nice together?

Mrsgrumble Fri 22-Aug-14 20:43:59

Sounds boring and like he is taking things of granted

Tapestry12 Fri 22-Aug-14 20:45:23

What am I getting out of it? Ummmmm!
I am feeling guilty. I moved up here to work to be near him during the week. I gave up my rented flat on the coast and got good job. We lived in his mobile caravan on farmyard together for year and a half. (He had lived in it during the week for 12 years). Last December I said I had had enough and was moving into lovely one bed flat near work. He was surprised, then came too. He gave caravan to farmer.
So if I did end it he would not have any where to live.
My own fault really, although he is widower, he never lived with his wife 24/7 cos he worked up here during week.
If I read this post from someone else, I would say split up too.
God men are so thick when it comes to relationships, well perhaps just the men I pick.

IAMACLANGER Fri 22-Aug-14 20:46:07

Um.. sort of sounds like it's over and it's not worth it. Stay in your own bed 7 days a week and snore as much as you like!

Tapestry12 Fri 22-Aug-14 20:48:39

We rarely do nice things together. I have to tell him it is an us weekend which means no tinkering with car, mowing lawn etc.

I don't think I do like him very much anymore. I'm not totally sure that love exists for another person who isn't your child or mother. I love them to bits.

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 22-Aug-14 21:03:57

It's tedious just reading this OP.

You are having the piss ripped out of you. Have a word with yourself eh?

Bearbehind Fri 22-Aug-14 21:07:23

Of course love exists for people other than your children or your mother- what a weird thing to say.

This sounds to me like 2 people who want different things.

He doesn't sound like he's changed- you have just gone along with it before but don't like it now.

Time to move on.

Tapestry12 Fri 22-Aug-14 21:32:12

Funky, you are right, it is tedious. Life is too short.

Will sort it out.

Thanks all.

DoJo Fri 22-Aug-14 21:40:54

I would die for my husband - love like that does exist outside a parent and child relationship, but cannot be sustained in a situation such as you have described. You deserve a better relationship - you don't have to throw him out on his ear if you feel bad about leaving him with nowhere to go, but you do sound as though you need to give him a deadline to sort himself out so that both of you can move on.

lildupin Fri 22-Aug-14 22:29:58

God men are so thick when it comes to relationships, well perhaps just the men I pick

How is he "thick"?! He's got a place to crash during the week, where someone else cooks and he doesn't even have to share a bed with them - he can just kick them out "because of his back." He gets to take his dog with him too. Weekends he spends in his own place, often alone, doing exactly as he pleases.

He's fucking nailed it, his life sounds great. I don't think he's the one who's "thick when it comes to relationships". Sorry.

scottishmummy Fri 22-Aug-14 22:37:43

He not thick.he's smart.single guy,dog,own gaff,girlfriend lets him do whateva
Hes not the thick one,sorry

KnockMeDown Fri 22-Aug-14 22:40:01

I think lildupin has it to a tee...........

bellarations Fri 22-Aug-14 22:49:35

How pants!! Do something about what sounds to me like a miserable waste of your precious life.
Tell him, ask him what he is prepared to do to change the shitty circumstances you have described and make plans from there.
Good luck, do something fgs!

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