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To want my own money

(9 Posts)
mostlyconfused Sat 14-Jun-14 23:50:33

I work part time in call centre so don't earn a lot. It's even worse just now as I am on maternity leave. My husband earns a good wage and I know we are very lucky to be fairly comfortable.

I have always keep my own bank account as I don't want my husband to see every penny I spend. I don't think he would ever tell me not to spend but I feel better having me own account.

However, over the last year I have found myself struggling each month. Some of the bills that I pay have went up and I'm feeling the squeeze. I can ask DH for money at any time and he will give it to me. I just hate having to ask. I already have to ask him to pay for all the food shops, clothes for the kids, days out. Apart from a few bills that come out of my account he pretty much pays for everything.
I feel I am constantly asking him for money for all the basic stuff and therefore don't want to ask him for money for anything else ( clothes for me, money to meet my friend for lunch, money for make up etc)
I'm feeling really low at the moment because of this. I know part of the reason is I have always felt like a failure for having such a low paid job and not being able to contribute as much as DH and I feel I just drain all the money coming in. We could have a much better lifestyle if I was more successful.

I also lost be chance of a promotion due to when my maternity leave was due to start and it is looking like I might not be able to return of work due to child care issues.

AIBU to hate the thought for having to spend the next 5 years living off my husbands money? Even if we get a joint account, I will always know I'm not paying anything in and just taking it out. I burst into tears every time I think about.

I should point out that my husband has no issue giving me money or getting a joint account. It's me that hates it.

Igggi Sat 14-Jun-14 23:53:36

You may not be paying cash in but you are providing a massive (and expensive) service by caring for a child.

AgentZigzag Sat 14-Jun-14 23:55:04

Bursting into tears every time you think about it is a pretty strong reaction, surely there must be some way of setting it up to make you feel a bit better?

Is it just about the money?

Has anyone else made you feel so sensitive about it?

mostlyconfused Sun 15-Jun-14 00:04:50

It doesn't help that my sister and SIL are both very successful in their
jobs. I think it's a lot to do with feeling like I've failed to achieve anything career wise.

Also I'm just feeling a bit crap in general. I've put lots of weight on, my skin is dreadful as I can't afford decent skin care ( I have adult acne). And I'm struggling to juggle a 3 year old and a newborn so don't even feel like a good mum/wife at the moment.

Maybe I'm just being hormonal

MegThePeg Sun 15-Jun-14 00:27:36

I know it's my lady time(sorry tmi) but I really wanted to give u a hug reading ure posts.

I get a similar feeling, I have always been independent and self sufficient until I had ds and became reliant on dp financially, ds is almost 5 and it still niggles me that I'm not putting in equal. Dp is happy with the situation but I hate it and every time holidays etc are mentioned I know I won't be contributing any as my part time wages all goes on bills and he covers everything else. Makes me feel helpless.... I've rambled sorry

A newborn and a 3 year old- u must be shattered! Keep your chin up and try to feel blessed that u have someone to help you out and doesn't resent you for it!

hippoesque Wed 24-Aug-16 13:25:28

I used to feel like this when I had my first, I paid for everything for DS and I and DH just picked up everything else. If I was short I'd just go without.
We bought a house in between every 2 and 3 and his earnings went through the roof after a couple of promotions where's mine stated static.
He asked me one day why I wasn't going out with his sports teams wives for a night out. We're all good friends but I just couldn't afford it. He was mortified that I was hiding the fact I had so little money and set up a joint account within the week. He sees his earnings as ours as there is no way he would have been able to put in the hours required to get to where he is career wise without me picking up the slack at home.
I get where you're coming from completely but it's time to have an honest conversation with your DH and start living the life you all deserve.

ThatsMyStapler Wed 24-Aug-16 13:49:46

being that the thread is 2 years old, its probably a bit late for your advice?

Sat 14-Jun-14 23:50:33?

Why have you resurrected a zombie thread?

hippoesque Wed 24-Aug-16 14:50:22

No idea! It came up on active! Site is being very odd recently

ThatsMyStapler Wed 24-Aug-16 15:21:36

its very annoying, some of the quirks on the site

I copied and pasted something from a thread, and it turned up on a completely different one

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