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To feel a pissed off sister?

(17 Posts)
Dogearedrabbit Wed 19-Mar-14 21:52:29

Last night DSis phoned to say she had had a physical fight with her dd and that dneice had tried to smash the windows whole other thread and asked if I could pick her ds up from school today. This fighting happens every 4/5 months.

Dsis dd normally picked him up while dsis was at work but after the fight dniece was refusing. Dsis told dneice (15) not to bother coming back after school if not.

I said I wouldn't mind. Dnephew is four in the summer.

I went and picked him up with dd (10 months) and for a while he was very good playing with dd. When I wouldn't let him play with my phone he went in a sulk and his behaviour got worse.

There is a lot of aggression in the house and dnephew has just soaked it all up. Dsis has had to go in school a few times.

He wouldn't let dd play with anything he 'might' want in a few mins and he wanted to read the song books by himself (did have a lovely voice I might add ) but pushed dd away at one point. She obviously thought it was a hoot which irritated him more. All this was manageable, he never has to share at home and basically has the run if of house, goes bed past midnight , wakes around 11am. It's not his fault though.

I went in to kitchen with dd, followed quickly by mil telling me to go get dnephew as he had just picked up dd rocking horse over his head and launched it across room! Mil thinks it was aimed for the tv. When I went back n to living room he was on the couch with the rocking horse on top of him. Laughing.

He tried to rip the baby gate of when his dad arrived to pick him up, which I did tell him off for , twice as he wouldn't stop.

Later when I tidied up, the rocking horse has been broke. sad 'twas lovely .

I decided not to gve Sis the full rundown as 1) she would completely minimise it as it's so normal for her, 2) I thought she was stressed enough as it is.

When she rang to say thanks and asked how he had been, I told her at start, he was fine gradually descending in to full on dnephew job. She was a nervous titter.

I asked is dneice was back.
Apparently dneice was always in, just sat in her room.
I asked what she had said to her...
"Oh I can't be arsed with it" was the reply.

I'm fucked off with that reply. I had to walk a friggin mile because her family is imploding and had to put up with dnephew being wreck it Ralph because she can't be arsed dealing with it.
We also had a very strange talk about him turning in to zombie but if you got a knife of a gun, you could stab him or shoot him in the head...then he would really be dead confused

She wasn't arsed about the full on fist fight or the window nearly going through, just the fact dneice said she wouldn't pick dnephew up.

I'm not doing it again. angry

WeeSleekit Wed 19-Mar-14 21:57:07

Sounds like your sister's family needs outside help tbh.

Dogearedrabbit Wed 19-Mar-14 22:01:40

Ive suggested it before but she was let down terribly by CAHMS (is it ?)

DoJo Wed 19-Mar-14 22:01:52

I agree - would they be receptive to such a suggestion?

DoJo Wed 19-Mar-14 22:02:21

Cross-posted - who was let down, your sister or her daughter?

cozietoesie Wed 19-Mar-14 22:03:02

Don't worry precisely about the zombie bit - sounds as if he's been doing some unauthorized watching of TV. Has your sister got Sky? (Whether he should have free rein to watch age-inappropriate programmes is another matter.)

Dogearedrabbit Wed 19-Mar-14 22:55:34

dojo both were they were asked to get involved by the school but it just seem to fizzle out.

I said SS after the physical attacks but sis said no. She thinks it would be shameful.

StrawberryGashes Thu 20-Mar-14 08:34:20

Does he miss a lot of school if he gets up at 11? The school may involve outside agencies themselves if this is the case.

TheBody Thu 20-Mar-14 08:39:45

I would contact as myself as obviously your dsis is incapable of parenting either of her children.

I have a 15 year old dd and the thought of having a physical fight with her makes me feel sick.

they all need rescuing. where's dad? what does your parents think? dreadful situation for the 4 year old.

TheBody Thu 20-Mar-14 08:40:02

s

TheBody Thu 20-Mar-14 08:40:02

sorry

TheBody Thu 20-Mar-14 08:40:03

sor

TheBody Thu 20-Mar-14 08:41:06

ffs contact SS myself.

bloody phone.

Birdsgottafly Thu 20-Mar-14 08:45:23

"I said SS after the physical attacks but sis said no. She thinks it would be shameful."

There's no easy answer.

I went through similar with my 14/15 year old DD.

I had her arrested and kept in custody, that coupled with my youngest breaking down and saying that she would like to live somewhere else for a while, shocked my DD into working in her behaviour.

I also made it clear that I would be banging bob peoples doors if they have her a place to run to and did send the police to her Boyfriends etc.

I did what I had to, to show my DD that I wasn't giving up on her and her future.

There were a few things going on with her.

We went to a Charity (YPAS) provider for anger work, she has rejected counselling, she still does at nearly 19.

Finding a direction, she was given one day a week work placement from her school, which she loved and maturing, helped.

But, me starting to have zero tolerance was what also shocked her into having self control.

That was a worry for me, she is beautiful and could of easy left home and found someone to support her financially, as could most young girls.

We clamped down as a family, but made it clear it was because my DD was capable of so much better and was in self destruct mode.

ENormaSnob Thu 20-Mar-14 08:47:04

What thebody said.

These kids need help.

Birdsgottafly Thu 20-Mar-14 08:48:57

"I would contact as myself as obviously your dsis is incapable of parenting either of her children."

It depends on how long and why it has come to this.

You are at a loss to know the best actions to take, with Teens.

Realistically, they can be supported into a hostel, but then what path do they go down. With Girls, the added pressure of pregnancy is scary, as opposed to just crime and drugs/addiction.

Dogearedrabbit Thu 20-Mar-14 13:48:30

Hi thanks for replies!

The dad is in the house, he winds dneice up. She hates him, has no respect for him at all. I can't blame her as he could start a fight in an empty room.

Dneice has always been like this since she was tiny. She was very aggressive from 2/3. She has had lots of problems with self harm, writing terribly dark letters about wishing she was dead. At one point she was hiding pooh in her wardrobe. She has smashed the house to pieces some times. The school did get involved but it fizzled out.

Dsis did want help. But I think she is in massive denial about what the fuck is going on in her family.

Dnephew only goes school in the afternoon.

Dsis and her dp have a horrible relationship but she has lost all fight in her and pretends everything is not that bad. I don't even know her anymore. She has been on AD.

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