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To tell DH to STFU about my current alcohol consumption?

(16 Posts)
ProfessorSkullyMental Sun 16-Mar-14 10:21:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Forgettable Sun 16-Mar-14 10:23:18

He needs to stfu

I am so sorry for your loss

Guitargirl Sun 16-Mar-14 10:24:14

YANBU. Is he actually doing anything to help you at all or is he just criticising?

MeepMeepVrooom Sun 16-Mar-14 10:25:34

Yeah I would tell him to back off. It maybe is because you're alcohol consumption has gone up quite considerably if you don't normally drink but you aren't drinking huge amounts and getting paralytic every night.

Maybe just tell him you appreciate his concern but there is nothing to worry about.

Sorry for your loss. x

Shesparkles Sun 16-Mar-14 10:27:18

A sorry to hear about your dad-whether it's expected or unexpected, it's never a good time x

I do think your dh needs to STFU, for now anyway. The night my mum dies was the first time in my life that I felt I actually NEEDED a drink, rather than just fancied having one. I has 3or 4 very stiff vodkas that night, mad a few more over the following week or so, in fact it was probably a few weeks (mum died a week before Xmas, so it was a very tough Xmas and new year for us) and once we got past that period, my drinking went back to previous levels without it even being a conscious thought. My normal drinking sounds pretty much like yours, not very often and not very heavy, mad I was never drunk during that period.

You sound in control, you're not drinking and driving, be kind to yourself

WaitingForMe Sun 16-Mar-14 10:28:06

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Personally in the immediate aftermath I don't think our actions can be considered in any kind of permanent light. My only comments would be to make sure you eat properly and that when you can, you allow yourself to feel your pain and not mask it with alcohol as it needs processing whether you do it now, next week or next year.

My mum barely ate, took painkillers and was pretty messed after we lost my dad. It didn't last long in the grand scheme of things and it never occurred to me to judge her as she was doing the best she could. I ended up in an abusive relationship it think in part because it was easier to deal with small day in day out pain than the big pain of losing my dad. It has taken years to unravel. Given that, a few glasses of wine don't sound like much to me!

Nomama Sun 16-Mar-14 10:28:42

"Shut up, I am trying to cope. Help me or just shut the fuck up! Your choice."

Don't shout it, just let him know that, whilst he may think he is helping he has shite timing.

HadABadDay2014 Sun 16-Mar-14 10:33:10

Sorry for your loss.

He need to support you at this very difficult time, if that is having a few glasses of wine to cope then so be it.

Please make sure you get some proper help and support, because alchol in the short time is ok, but not as a long term thing.

Gentle hugs.

PumpkinPie2013 Sun 16-Mar-14 10:33:56

I'm so sorry for your loss and YANBU.

Grief is a very strange thing and does strange things to people. You need time to grieve in your own way and your husband is not being helpful. My aunt did similar to what you are doing when my uncle died even though normally she barely had one glass of wine a week!

It lasted a couple of weeks then reduced and stopped.

Be kind to yourself - try to eat properly and get some time to just relax on your own. Perhaps your dh can take the children out for tea one evening or to the park or something to give you peace and quiet?

Take care of yourself xx

Doingakatereddy Sun 16-Mar-14 10:34:52

The aftermath of a parents death is just so so hard. There is little time for grieving, it's awful.

Have a drink, have three - get through these hard first weeks & tell him to stfu.

I'm sorry for your loss & hope you find the space to grieve soon

ProfessorSkullyMental Sun 16-Mar-14 10:37:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoneyDragon Sun 16-Mar-14 10:39:07

((Hugs)) you've been under a massive amount lately. I don't think UABU, as you recognise you are drinking more than the norm and why you are doing so. I assume you have a otherwise healthy relationship with booze?

I'd also go on a limb and say if your dh is commenting out of fear/concern because it's out of character for you to drink this much and is worried than he's nbu, but needs to seriously up his communication skills!

However, if he's just criticising because he doesn't like it than he is being VERY unreasonable and a hypocrite.

ProfessorSkullyMental Sun 16-Mar-14 11:01:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoneyDragon Sun 16-Mar-14 12:04:16

I'd let him off and just be quietly irritated. Perhaps that's his way of saying he's noticed and knows your not ok?

maleview70 Sun 16-Mar-14 12:06:52

It isn't even a lot! I have that every night and have done for 20 odd years.... He wouldn't like me!

sykadelic Sun 16-Mar-14 18:58:53

He could be worried about your "need" for alcohol at the moment and how you're preferring to get a little tipsy rather than deal with the grief (which I don't blame you for personally).

He could be worried that the big increase (compared to your normal habits) is escalating quickly and worried about where it's leading... especially if you've now started drinking a mixed drink in front of the children when you normally wouldn't (like you're a different person).

I definitely think it came from a good place and I think you need to talk to him more. He's probably feeling inadequate if you're resorting to numbing rather than talking to him about it.

I understand you're grieving but I think you realise that your changed behaviour is probably alarming to him and you're trying to rationalise it and make it bad that HE pointed it out rather than how your behaviour is affecting/worrying him and possibly not a path you want to be headed down.

Problems always start somewhere. You might have HAD a good relationship with alcohol but he's worried you don't anymore. He cares about you and no he shouldn't STFU.

YABU to blame him for his feelings about it.

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