To tell grandma to stop with the chocolate!!

[bt98]

What do you do when grandma keeps giving your 18 month old too much chocolate and biscuits against your wishes?

I've asked three times in the last few weeks but she has a selective memory. His health/diet means a lot to me, I try so hard to get it right.

[ISeeYouShiverWithAntici]

reduce the visits to grandma so that she doesn't have the same opportunity to load him up with crap
or
tell her to pack it in or you will do the above
or
Take it off him the second she gives it to him and tell her that you have told her to stop
or
get very cross and tell her that she is undermining you as a parent and it needs to stop because it is damaging your relationship with her
or
balance it by ensuring that it is the only time he gets treats and eats very healthily the rest of the time and don't worry about it because you are taking care of the 'big picture'

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

How often does she see him?

[SometimesLonely]

What about suggesting an alternative? My MiL would also bring chocolate / sweets for my DCs and I wanted them to have no sweets at all until they were 5 to keep their teeth healthy. Arguments. I suggested dried fruit and after a few more visits and arguments raisins made an appearance. Keep repeating "no chocolate" or take it and put it in a cupboard for later.

[CreepyLittleBat]

Have a sweety jar where all the chocolate goes 'for later' then he will forget and you can eat it.

[bt98]

She sees him 3-5 times per week, we live close by, she watches him while I work part time, and she babysits occasionally too.

I really cant complain about how much she does for him. But... you see the issue, too much sweets, too often. He's still so young.

Her reasons for giving chocolate:

• Just so we could sit down and eat our lunch in peace.
  
• He didn't eat his lunch... I wanted him to have SOMETHING in his tummy.
  
• He was hungry but I didn't want to fill him up and ruin his appetite for dinner.
  

None of these make any sense to me.

I got a bit cross with her this morning about it, he's been refusing to eat meals, possibly cos he thinks he'll get sweets instead?

She also gives him extra bottles of milk instead of solid food. He is not a good solid eater (my own fault) but that isn't helping things.

The answer is I have to increase the pressure on her, or give up altogether, right? Either way = someone has angry feelings.... :(

[KurriKurri]

I'd be inclined to say he's had an upset tummy and the doctor says he's not to have chocolate as its far to rich for him. I don't like lying but you've tried asking nicely and its been ignored.

Could you also provide a bag of healthy snacks and say if he's hungry he can choose something from here?

[bt98]

We rarely give him chocolate ourselves.

I suggested other snack foods he likes (with help feeding, like spooning out some avocado), but I think she finds it easier to hand him chocolate and then go see to other things.

As a fussy eater he wont pick up food on his own unless it's sweets, so chocolate = instant babysitter for her.

She also has the TV on loudly every time I go round which I hate, but that's another story. Can't complain about every last detail or we'll all go nuts.

I know parents/grandparents do things differently and it's a typical source of frustration. Just want to know how/where to draw lines.

Just looking up health studies on chocolate consumption in toddlers so we can both work to the same guidelines, think that might help?

[ushiemama]

My sons grandma gave him chocolate every friday while she was babysitting, He was 3 or 4 months old. She would deny it & get very upset when I challenged her. I could smell Milky Bar!! He always had an upset tummy after visiting her. Needless to say her services were no longer required.

[redcaryellowcar]

If you could avoid using her for childcare that would solve the problem. I think until the chocolate and treats stop its unlikely your ds will begin to eat properly!i agree with posters above. I do think chocolate can unsettled tummies and consequently should be limited to birthdays or special days?

[thegreylady]

Raisins are worse than chocolate as the sugar is concentrated and they stick between the child's teeth. The best if they have sweets is a very limited amount of buttons, no more than 4 in a day and eaten after a meal. Organix biscuits are ok too.

[ISeeYouShiverWithAntici]

Did she feed you like this? (or your partner if she is your mother in law)

If so, then it's difficult but if not, then ask her why she does this to your child when she did not and would not have done it to her own.

and certainly I'd be getting other childcare because a) she won't respect your wishes and b) if she's saying things like 'it's the only way we could do X' and always looking for the easy option then I'd question whether she actually wants to be his childminder or if she is doing it out of obligation.

She has him too much to be not feeding him proper, nutritious food and she is basically saying to you that she does not care what you want for your own child, she will do what the hell she likes.

Ultimately, that is going to sour your relationship.

[magesticmallow]

What about calling over with something like a box of Liga or some other baby organic biscuit type thing (sorry not sure what's out at the moment that half decent) and saying "Look Mary/Mam/Whatever, I don't want to end up fighting with you about chocolate but it has to stop, ds loves these and I understand you want to treat him from time to time so you can use these as a treat but only as a treat not too often" - so her three problems of not having eating/her wanting to eat etc are solved, your ds is eating something ok instead of chocolate and by emphasising "treat" to her she still gets to feel like she is giving him something nice?

[CountessOfRule]

Does she mind him for nothing? A nursery will adhere to better healthy eating, supervision and education procedures, but will cost say £40 a day.

It doesn't sound like she finds it easy to look after him. Perhaps this isn't the best solution for either of you.

[LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob]

You need to find better chidcare, it's the only way you can dictate how your child is fed.

[Sirzy]

If you are there you simply say "shall we put that to one side for later" or whatever.

The childcare side is harder but realistically if you want to dictate what type of food he is fed then you need to pay for 'proper' childcare. The downside of the free family type childcare is although you can ask for things you can't force it

[bt98]

Lots of good insights there - thanks.

She fed me even worse as a kid - chocolate bars (Milky Way or Mars Bar) and a sugary drink (Ribena) every night before bed since I can remember, at least 6 years old based on where we lived at the time. I am a chocoholic to this day. It's my responsibility to eat well now but I cant deny I have incredible cravings and I put this down to my diet growing up.

I had my first salad as a grown up. Childhood was about crisps and choc spread sandwiches in the lunchbox, choc pop tarts or choc cereal for breakfast, etc. I'm sure I went with it, maybe even demanded it but it was still her role to make me eat well back then. I am determined to get it right for my son hence the worry!

It always happens when Im not there but I always ask what he's eaten, how much he's slept, etc and then I find out. She says she likes having him but wouldnt want to do it every day, so it must be hard work for her 2 full days a week. I know her well and not to sound critical but she will do anything for her family IF it suits her needs first, ie sleeping in late and starting on her schedule, feeding chocolate while she has her "me" time and watches her soaps. In her mind it is all fine so perhaps it is all asking too much of her and I need to look at alternatives.

[HellomynameisIcklePickle]

I think it will help you to find appropriate eady snack food that he loves, that way she can 'treat' him with something. My stepmum kept feeding him rusks, and then wanted to give him choc buttons but I showed her how great Plums Yum biscuits are and now she gives him those. He eats them with little mess which helps!!

[seeminglyso]

YANBU .. but having been there you are probably wasting your time. I have argued with my own parents about this so many times. Now they just hide it from me or tell me they have given less than they had.

[seeminglyso]

Does he have teeth? Say the dentist has said there is decay in his back teeth due to sugary snacks in between meals. Cry and say you are worried he will have to have teeth removed and how terrifying that would be for him. She might then stop!

[bt98]

Oh haha! I am a firm believer in honesty to people I love and would find it hard to lie to her, even if it was a white lie. She on the other hand lies, denies and gossips behind peoples back so perhaps that's part of why I am upset about it, it is probably even worse than I know.

Would it be worth keeping a meal diary? Since I am concerned about his food intake anyway and want to see the doctor about it. I can ask her to fill out that too...

[fairylightsintheloft]

My mum does this a bit - sort of tongue in cheek in a "grandparents are allowed to treat" kind of way but it does irritate me and I am in now way remotely "strict" about food with our 2-4 yos. They have all the MN no nos like fruit shoots and stuff but maybe once a week and not 40 mins before their tea which is when she'll offer them a fudge bar! She does get it really but it causes issues cos mine are old enough now to complain.

[mymiraclebubba]

My mum does the "but it's grandma's house so I can spoil them" bollocks!! Unfortunately there is only one way to deal with it and that is head on!! Tell her outright that whilst you truly appreciate her help with childcare you will have no choice but to make alternative arrangements if she continues to ignore your instructions with regards to food. Tell her that you are having to take him to the Dr due to his refusing meals etc (guilt trips might help?) and lay it on thick that they have said you mustn't give in to snacks between meals etc

Good luck!!!

[5feralloinfruits]

JUST SAY NO!

18 months old is too young for chocolates and biscuits imo.

Hes your baby not hers,tell her you dont want him eating those yet.

These threads make me glad i have no family near,they always interfere!

[5feralloinfruits]

And tell her its not good to use food as a treat,if she wants to treat him then take him somewhere fun or even a toy is better than sweets.

[slithytove]

Can you provide a non messy alternative? Organix do a great selection and asda have a little angels food range. We have a selection of rice cakes, bread sticks, chopped fruit, fruit oat bars, and dry cereal we let Lo have as snacks.

I don't think pure plain chocolate is awful, however sweets really are and as for 3-5 times a week, no way.

I would go down the lying route as well lol. Can you tell her if she doesn't start listening you are going to have to put him in paid childcare where they will listen? And chuck in there how she is undermining you as a parent which you don't appreciate.