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To be quite annoyed with H's brother?

(8 Posts)
bullinthesea Sun 09-Mar-14 16:48:56

Today is the 10yr anniversary of the death of H and his brother's Dad.
Each year, we usually all meet up & mark the occasion with a drink or a meal etc.

A couple of weeks ago, we invited BIL to come to dinner today, and we said we'd cook a dish which their Dad used to make, as a way to remember him & mark the occasion.

He said that he'd love to, and to remind him nearer the time. H reminded him on Thurs, he said yes deffo still on for it.

The dish requires a lot of prep, in fact I had to buy the meat a week prior, and make a cure mixture that it sits in for the week, so it's quite involved.

So, less than 2hours before he's due to come over, we got a phone call - he's met some woman online on Weds on POF (he broke up with his long term g/f just before Xmas), and so he's not going to come to ours after all (even tho the meat is now already cooking) he's going to meet up with this woman instead.

I'm feeling pretty pissed off at being let down at the last minute - especially considering the occasion and the amount of effort that has gone into preparing the meal.

I told H that I feel annoyed, and he just shrugged.

Maybe I'm overreacting.


jkklpu Sun 09-Mar-14 16:51:25

I can see how this would be pretty irritating. But it's your DH's family so, if he isn't that bothered, then I'd save my energy and not take it personally either. Can you freeze the excess so you can enjoy the meal again another time?

Katisha Sun 09-Mar-14 16:51:38

It's rude to let you down at this notice, but maybe the two of them have moved on about the anniversary date now?

MyNameIsKenAdams Sun 09-Mar-14 16:53:12

It is damn rude of him to cancel this close to it. However, its FILs dish you are making in memory, rather than BILs favourite dish, so id say serve up for the two of you, share some nice memories and raise a glass for your late FIL.

Next year, dont plan anything around BIL.

I'd disagree slightly and say yanbu - whether he's moved on or not, you don't cancel dinner arrangements at 2 hours notice without a very strong reason. I fancy meeting a random from t'internet does not count.

Jackie0 Sun 09-Mar-14 16:59:02

He has been thoughtless and rude. I wonder if he thought you were doing the special meal anyway for you & H and that you hadn't gone to any extra trouble just because he was joining you . That doesn't really excuse his behaviour though. The bit about reminding him closer to the time suggests he wasn't that keen to start with. I would never ask the host to remind me nearer the time, that's rude in my opinion.
Yanbu, I'd be pissed off as well.

Jackie0 Sun 09-Mar-14 17:02:26

I agree with statistically, the reason for the dinner isn't really the issue. Letting you down at the last minute is the issue.

BackforGood Sun 09-Mar-14 17:08:01

It's always rude to cancel a dinner arrangement at 2 hrs notice, so YANBU to be annoyed with him about that, but, perhaps now is the time to start making a bit less fuss about this date? The whole 'curing the meat for a week' thing sounds a bit OTT.
Time moves things on, and perhaps marking the anniversary of the day someone died is not as important now?
My Dad died 10 and 1/2 years ago, but we don't give much heed to the day of his death, we just have lovely happy memories of the times when he was still with us..... he'll often get mentioned when we get together a a family, or if I meet with someone who was a friend of his and they tell me how much they miss him and think of him, but it doesn't have to be a 'marking' of a particular day.

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