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Always the one making the effort

(7 Posts)
Kandypane Sun 09-Feb-14 17:59:15

I live in a different city to my family.

It has always been me making the effort regarding contacting them - I do the ringing/texting. This has just always been the way it is.

I've recently found out I am pregnant after going through IVF. I expected them to be a bit more interested in how I am now, but again I find no phone calls/texts from them. And my sister drives me crazy because half the time when I call she won't pick up or reply to texts.

I'm just a bit fed up with it. I feel like just not contacting them and seeing how long it takes them to get in touch.

bakeroony Sun 09-Feb-14 18:26:56

Firstly, congratulations!! grin thanks

I feel that way with PILs. I'm shocked at how little they interact with DH, but of course he interacts very little with them back hmm and we only live a few streets away! They hardly ever answer my texts and never ring or suggest visits. sad

It does make me think that they don't like our company but I know IABU. I think it's easy for some people to just let others do the contacting and they get lazy.

Littleen Sun 09-Feb-14 19:18:16

Grats on your pregnancy!! smile

We have the same relationship with my OH's dad - talk to him 2-3 times a year. But we're happy with this amount of contact so it's not an issue.
I would not feel happy about such difficult and limited contact with my own family however, and I think I would probably stop trying to contact them, to see what would happen. If you do that, might realise they are being difficult and make an effort - or you could end up finding they don't bother to keep in contact at all, so that's your risk.

UncleT Sun 09-Feb-14 19:25:45

I understand your frustration. However, at some point with one of my close family I made peace some time ago with the fact that they're always going to be dreadful in the communication stakes. It makes life easier to just live with it and accept it, sad and annoying though it is. Just a thought, but have you considered whether there's a better form of communication than phone, for example? Email can often prove more reliable, as people tend to respond when they're free. This relies on those in question being at least somewhat tech savvy too. In any event, it's awful that so many of your family are such poor communicators - it's a very difficult thing, often wholly frustrating.

Mia4 Sun 09-Feb-14 19:33:01

Congratulations OP, that's awesome news.

I'm sorry your family are so rubbish like this, I think perhaps your best bet is to massively lower the bar when it comes to them. They probably won't ever change and if you accept it and lower the bar then perhaps it won't hurt as much. It's hard, I've done it with someone I had considered a best friend and almost family, it hurts and takes a lot to do but I can honestly say that a few years on I'm completely 'over' them. It doesn't hurt when they try to use me anymore, I can step away and stop it from happening.

Switch to emails as suggested above and don't rely on them, their communication or support. Make them come to you, stop going after them and make them do the work and if they don't, don't try to force it. Accept the people they are and be glad they've stepped away so you can easily step further.

How are your DPs family?

Kandypane Sun 09-Feb-14 20:23:32

Aw thanks for the congrats, an thanks for understanding- I thought I was going to get berated for going OTT.

It does make me sad. OH's family are very close - his sister and mum talk everyday and it makes me realise what I dot have. I guess now I feel like I need some family support and I'm just not really getting it.

Thanks for the advice. I can't do email because none of the meet use a computer. I might just stop making the effort and see what happens.

Iwannalaylikethisforever Sun 09-Feb-14 21:23:08

Kandy, congratulations.
My family are the same. I stopped contacting to wait and see when they contact me.
My db hasn't contacted me at all in about 9 months, I did phone him at Christmas, my baby is almost 12 months old and he has never seen him.
My ds has been contact abit. But not as much as if I had been contacting her.
It's upsetting, and feels like rejection at times but you cant change people. To be entirely honest, they are always cheery when I phone them, I really don't understand them!!!

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