So situation is that DD is 3.5 and started nursery at a school in Sept. The girl who has been her best friend there (let's call her X) until recently has started saying unpleasant things to her. It's clearly being done to make her feel bad - it's just silly baby stuff ('I hate your t-shirt', 'you're stupid', 'I'm not your friend') - but it's upsetting DD so we're taking it seriously.
I should point out that I've seen the behaviour on several occasions and it's completely one sided and not in response to anything so it's not them being as bad as one another or anything like that. It just comes out of the blue when they are playing together beautifully. I know the X's mother quite well and we have had lots of playdates until recently when dd started saying she didn't want X to come to our house. It seems to be worse when X's mother is there and at home time.
So far I have:
Spoken to DD and told her to say 'I don't like it when you speak to me like that, it's unkind. I won't play with you if you are going to be unkind'. That seemed to be working until last week when DD said that X now follows her saying the unkind things.
Spoken to X's mother. She reports that it is not just DD, this behaviour is happening with lots of people in X's life, she is clearly worried about it and trying to speak to X about it, I feel for her but so far no effect.
Spoken to the school - initially they said they'd seen nothing except the girls 'clashing'. They then monitored them and spoke to X on a when she was unkind to DD, they have done a carpet time about 'friendship' and spoken to the girls together. No effect.
Today DD was crying and saying she didn't want to go in - she is scared of X. I took her there on the proviso that we could leave and spoke to the teacher. She spoke to DD who agreed to stay. Apparently DD spent most of the morning playing alone At the end of the day X was physically unpleasant to DD (flicking her hair type stuff) and was put into time out. As we left nursery she scooted past us and said something else horrible, I spoke to her at that point and said she needed to be kind to DD.
I am so but trying to be V reasonable. I feel for X but tbh DD is my only real concern - she was so happy and now she's becoming quite sad and scared of things
I am going to write an e-mail to school over the weekend. I am going to record what has been said and done. DH thinks we should keep DD off for a few days but I think that's removing the wrong child tbh and teaching a message that if people are unkind we can't cope with that and we should hide somewhere. I have thought of a few strategies - e.g. asking school to have X somewhere else at the beginning and end of the day so that those difficult times are managed for both of them.
But what's reasonable at primary school in early years? I can't keep giving DD the message that if someone's making you unhappy you tell grown-ups and fuck all happens
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AIBU?
to ask fr advice from primary teachers, parents, any bloody body frankly. Dd being bullied :(
23 replies
namechangeobv · 07/02/2014 17:20
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