I know no one has any definitive answers, but any advice on how to get through this would be appreciated. I don't even know what I am asking for tbh, some support maybe?
I have no one I can talk to IRL.
I have written about this before so hope I am not boring anyone, but I feel so desperate, and it's been such a long time and nothing is changing and I don't really know how much longer I can keep going.
DS stopped having anything to do with me last year, it was sudden, I don't know what triggered it, he refuses to engage with me at any level. The situation has not improved at any time since he chose to cut me off.
I have spent days, weeks, hours of my life thinking about what possible reasons why he chose to cut me out and have come up with nothing. I know some of you may find that difficult to understand because believe me, I find it impossible to understand.
I find myself mulling over it a lot, every day, multiple times a day. I try to put it out of my mind but it creeps back in.
I feel like I am being punished for a crime that I have no idea I have committed. I don't understand what makes a person treat another person this way.
I know there is nothing I can do, well I can't seem to think of anything I can do to make any progress, except I am finding it intolerable to live this way, I am finding it impossible to live with this situation.
I wonder if I would feel any better if I even knew why, maybe I wouldn't. All I know is that I am really struggling to get through each day, and it isn't getting any easier. I lurch from feeling utterly bereft to feeling so very angry, to feeling desperate to understand.
I wish I could go to sleep for a very long time.
How do I reconcile with this? I have taken a step back whilst letting DS know I am here, ready to listen when he is ready to talk, but he is no nearer talking than he was when he first cut me off.
I have not seen his face or heard his voice in over 6 months now exceot on videos I have stored on my phone and photo's I have in my house.
How do I accept that I am quite possibly never going to see or speak to him again??
His anger towards me has not diluted in over 6 months, and the gap between us just gets wider and wider.
I think I have lost the relationship we had forever, and I don't know how to live with that.
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AIBU?
HELP!! Still struggling a lot every day.
43 replies
NKe46007aX11c7a5685f2 · 02/02/2014 11:11
OP posts:
AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating ·
02/02/2014 11:14
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