About 4 year old dd and class mate calling her fat?!

[oinkyoink]

I am having a huge panic after this episode with my 4 year old...

This evening after tea, my 4 year old daughter started running around the dining table. She then stopped and asked me if she was thinner? I wasn't sure what to say and ignored it. She ran another few laps and stopped again and asked again if she was thinner yet. I couldn't believe what I was hearing as asked where she had heard that. She explained that a girl in her class had told her she was fat when she was sitting on a bench in the playground having hurt herself (this particular girl is quite large). I am just stunned and extremely upset. My daughter is very slender. I am not sure what happened afterwards, but I am assuming the girl told my daughter to run to get thinner because she was fat. What do you think is the best way to tackle this issue? I am so worried.

[BlingBang]

I'd be more worried if your daughter was fat and was being picked on because of it. If it was just a one off silly comment I'd let it go and it will probably be forgotten.

[manicinsomniac]

awww, that's awful. But at 4, I'm wondering if the other little girl said that she is fat, not your daughter, and your daughter misunderstood.

If it carries on, I'd probably have a word with the school and make sure they are aware that the children are image conscious already. There are 5 and 6 year olds with body dysmorphia and anorexia now, sad as it seems.

[tanukiton]

My daughter had this too from her group of friends at 5! I sat down and had a talk about, did she really think she was fat or did she think they were trying to use words that hurt ? We talk about relatives who are obese and did she think she looked like that. Even though she decided she wasn't fat, the words did hurt. I told her if they did it again to pretend to squish the words like a yucky bug. It turned out one of the mums was on a diet and was telling her daughter every night how fat she was( the mum wasn't ) . I think the girl had then internalized this to think she was fat and so therefore her friends were. We also had a talk about thin or fit. IF it continues or you feel really worried have a chat with the teacher. I am guessing the girl has been told she is fat by people and is using it either to test the word or see the reaction. I felt so sad at the time that already the pressure had started...

[newnameforthenewyear]

I would tell your dd that it was a silly thing for the other girl to say because bodies come in all shapes and sizes, nobody looks the same, and that her body is healthy which is the only thing anyone needs to think about.

[oinkyoink]

Thanks for the replies! I'll be able to sleep a little better now. I also think it's best to brush it off as silly but I plan on having a word with the teacher just so she is aware. The little girl who said it is clearly overweight so perhaps has been alles fat, however it surprises me to think 4 year olds are judging fat and not fat already... Crazy business.

[oinkyoink]

newname I like your approach.. At the end of the day healthy is really all that matters! Thanks.

[manicinsomniac]

oinkyoink - yes, 4 year olds judge fat and not fat. It's horrifying but I don't think it's new.

When I was 5 I can remember playing barbies with my best friend and deciding that when we grew up we would look like our barbies because nobody likes fat people. That was 1988.

When I was 14 my friend's 3 year old sister asked me why my mum was so fat. I said I didn't know and she said 'she must eat too many cakes'. That was 1997.

My now 6 year old told me that she didn't want to invite X to her 5th birthday party because 'she has a really big tummy and everybody makes fun of her so it will spoil the party.' That was probably the angriest she has ever seen me get with her.

[Lairyfights]

Oh that's horrible, for your DD and the little girl who called it her - my first thought was that this little girl has had the term used against her. Definitely talk to the the teacher, just to give her a heads up and then she can keep an ear out for any other comments, talk to the whole class etc.

[diddlediddledumpling]

I think your approach is the right one. However, I can't help feeling sad for the other little girl, since it seems likely that someone has said this to her. Kids don't generally come up with these things themselves.

[Snowdown]

My dcs starting talking about people being fat in Reception following a healthy eating lesson in school - "if you don't eat healthy food and stay active you'll get fat" They needed at that point to learn not to comment on people's body size, the teacher missed out that part of the lesson - thankfully it was only me who heard them.

[Toecheese]

I think it's easy for one or two young girls who think about fat/thin a lot to influence others. Definitely talk to the teacher.