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I slapped my child.

(78 Posts)
Caff2 Fri 22-Nov-13 23:44:03

He's thirteen, he called me a bitch, I told him never to say that again. He told me to fuck off, and I slapped him.

How do I make it OK again?

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 23-Nov-13 00:25:32

I wouldn't apologise.

If you apologise he will think he can push and push and push without boundaries. You have shown him that you will not tolerate being spoken to like that. It is a disgraceful way to speak to your Mum and he should be thoroughly ashamed of himself. If he doesn't apologise in the morning then I would be telling him what the consequence of his disgusting behaviour would be.

What brought it all on and how often is he like this?

BillyBanter Sat 23-Nov-13 00:30:40

If she doesn't apologise for unreasonable behaviour then he will learn that people don't have to apologise for unreasonable behaviour and feel that he shouldn't bother either.

monicalewinski Sat 23-Nov-13 00:54:46

What softlysoftly and scully said.

He needs to appreciate you have feelings and limits - he got a deserved shock and probably feels as shit as you do.

I would apologise, but not emotionally apologetic, just calm and reasoned, and make it clear that you will not tolerate that sort of behaviour. That way you make your boundaries clear, but he knows that you are truly sorry.

You're not a bad person, just a person pushed too far.

Hogwash Sat 23-Nov-13 01:00:15

'I wouldn't apologise.

If you apologise he will think he can push and push and push without boundaries' don't agree.

Apologies and discuss. What provoked him?

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 23-Nov-13 01:16:15

I don't think her behaviour was unreasonable.

Hogwash - that's fine - we can agree to disagree smile

BusyCee Sat 23-Nov-13 01:20:30

What softly said - I also once got slapped by my DM for pushing too hard. I seem to remember being vaguely aware I was testing her at the time. And she did the same - factual apology because hitting is wrong; major focus on my attitude and taking responsibility for my actions.

This is about helping her DS see that his words and actions have implications. Ok, this wasn't the ideal one, but is a direct consequence of what he said. Has he done the same to anyone else, he may have got the same reaction.

palemistyveil Sat 23-Nov-13 01:22:26

I don't think you ought to have slapped him. But you seem upset enough about that, so I shan't harp on, and I completely empathise with the situation. I don't know how I'd react to having that sort of language used against me.

caruthers Sat 23-Nov-13 01:22:40

Violence is never the answer even if you're pushed to the limit.

It's good that you recognise you might have overstepped the mark OP.

Using violence against words is wrong especially in a domestic situation where someone has the upper hand.

OutragedFromLeeds Sat 23-Nov-13 01:25:32

Some of the responses here are disgusting.

People in the 'he deserved it' camp. Would you say the same if it was a man telling us how he'd slapped his wife?

OP you were wrong. You know that. You need to apologise.

ScooseIsLoose Sat 23-Nov-13 01:31:16

I don't get this at all he is a 13 year old CHILD wtf all these he deserved it OP you need to apologise you are supposed to be the adult

Slutbucket Sat 23-Nov-13 01:51:23

I once called my mum a cow. She had a hair brush in her hand and i think she was so insensed that she slapped me on the leg with the hairbrush. My mum didn't really do cross so it was a shock but she was just pushed and she reacted.

OldBagWantsNewBag Sat 23-Nov-13 01:53:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caff2 Sat 23-Nov-13 05:26:47

Thanks for advice. I will apologise to him, and explain that it was indeed a knee jerk reaction to his language and won't happen again. Also that I don't expect to be spoken to like that, but the slap was entirely the wrong reaction .

MrsNormanBates Sat 23-Nov-13 05:56:17

I would apologise for hitting him but be very firm letting him know he was in the wrong and still punish him for the bad language.

ThatVikRinA22 Sat 23-Nov-13 05:59:24

as a victim of real physical abuse i have to say there is a difference between physical assault and discipline.

i also feel i have to say that if some of the kids i come across now who are totally off the rails had had some discipline much earlier in their lives things might be different for them.

if a child feels its acceptable to call their mother a bitch then what is the answer? sometimes sitting down and talking it through just doesnt have the impact it should at the time.
i am not in favour of violence against children - but i have to say both my children (21 and 16) have pushed me to the very limits of patience before now and both of them have had a smack before now, with dd this has happened twice - once when she was 3 and turned and kicked me, and once when she was about 14 and hurled such abuse at me i was shocked, my reaction shocked her into silence (i smacked her on the bottom)
there is a difference between assault and discipline. my children are happy, lovely, well adjusted people who know right from wrong. we have talked things through afterwards and they have both admitted that they were pushing my buttons, i know in DDs case she would rather have had those 2 little taps on the arse than a weeks worth of groundings or phone confiscations - i have never ever had to ground either of my two. ive never taken anything off them. they are mostly lovely to be around and i am not remotely in favour of violence as an answer - but you should have some respect for people and the kids i deal with today have absolutely zero respect for anyone or themselves - they havent a clue what consequences are for bad behaviour. they find out when they end up in court.
i know which i would prefer.
i also think that if you have managed to get through the teenage years without wanting to strangle the little darlings you are doing exceptionally well - i love my kids with absolutely all my heart - i would die for them - and they know it, but the teenage years are the hardest and the ones when parents need to show some authority. my kids are now my friends (dd is 16 and slightly unbearable on a morning) but i feel i am friends with my kids, however they also know boundaries.

WandaDoff Sat 23-Nov-13 06:04:46

As a mother of 2 teenage boys, I would apologise for yelling, but still make it very clear that I am the adult & the parent in the situation.

It doesn't do much harm in your teens to find out that your parents are human & fallible, just one of the many life-lessons that you inevitably learn on the road to responsible adulthood.

loveolives Sat 23-Nov-13 06:54:25

I would have slapped him too and wouldn't have been apologetic. Little shit telling you to fuck off!

saintmerryweather Sat 23-Nov-13 07:00:58

my mum used to slap my sister when they were arguing. my god didnt she get a shock when my sister slapped her back one day. you dont have the right to.hit your child and he doesnt have the right to call swear st you. id apologise to him even if he doesnt apologise back

LittleTulip Sat 23-Nov-13 07:05:30

Apologise to him? Eh?! No way! confused

People in the 'he deserved it' camp. Would you say the same if it was a man telling us how he'd slapped his wife?

But this isn't a man and his wife it is a mother a son!! Big difference.

I wouldn't have dared peak to my parents like that and would fully expect a wallop if I had. Maybe you could have reacted better OP but don't give yourself sick a hard time about it.

MrsDavidBowie Sat 23-Nov-13 07:05:55

You need to tell him how much his behaviour provoked you.
He needs to apologise for that.

Is he behaving badly at school?

happycrimblechuckie Sat 23-Nov-13 07:06:56

He has NO respect for you, why would you even worry about slapping someone who had no respect for you, he sounds like a little shit and needed a slap, I would completely forget that you slapped him and when he gets up today, ask him to apologise or he will be grounded for a week, you have nothing to apologise for if he goes through life thinking he can talk to someone like that the next slapper may well be a 20 year old lad who will not stop and give him a good beating, you did him a favor and saved him from a future slapping. Really don't beat yourself up about teaching your cheeky boy a lesson, it is your job.

ANormalOne Sat 23-Nov-13 07:12:24

But this isn't a man and his wife it is a mother a son!! Big difference.

So physical violence is only acceptable if the recipient is a child? That's nice.

happycrimblechuckie Sat 23-Nov-13 07:15:40

A normal. I rarely smacked my children but always lived by the rule a sharp smack to save them hurting themselves arc can be neede, and as I said above this was one of those occasions. No physical violence is acceptable but we are talking about a slap not a life of violence, I was raised in a house where a daily beating was the norm and this situation we are discussing is not violence it is parenting, they are two very different things.

LovesBeingHereAgain Sat 23-Nov-13 07:17:29

Have a talk with him this morning. What prompted him to say it in tge first place?

LittleTulip Sat 23-Nov-13 07:22:56

So physical violence is only acceptable if the recipient is a child? That's nice.

I didn't say that.

It is about parenting which is a completely different relationship a man and his partner have. t's quite clearly not a regular occurrence in OPs case and her 13 year old needs to know that is unacceptable to behave in the way that he did.

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