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AIBU?

Changing our Wills

16 replies

serafinabelle · 10/10/2013 23:10

DH and I haven't changed our Wills for 8 years, since DS was 6 yrs old and DD was 6 months old. As DH and I are going on a flight without the kids next weeks which reminded me it was a good idea to update the Wills. My parents would be guardians if something were to happen to both of us, my parents in law would be guardians if something were to happen to my parents. My parents live 3 hours away, parents in law live 30 minutes away. DH thinks we should change guardianship to his parents in the first instance instead of mine because that way the kids would be able to stay at the same schools and area and less disruption for them all around. DS is now 14 and DD is nearly 8. I think my parents should stay as guardians even though the kids would have to move areas as ... well because my mum is wonderful. I'm so confused!!! DH and I have never ever disagreed on anything before. Does anyone have any advice???

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TheFabulousIdiot · 10/10/2013 23:12

Who do you think they would be happier with?

malovitt · 10/10/2013 23:16

I agree with your DH. I would never move a 14 year old away from his friends.

TheDoctrineOfSpike · 10/10/2013 23:17

I think your DH has a point.

Are both sets of parents willing to do it? Would your parents move to your house/area if required (assuming you have life insurance that would pay off the mortgage)

serafinabelle · 10/10/2013 23:20

That's so difficult. They get on with both sets of grandparents. There seem to be so many pros and cons on both sides. For me I feel much more comfortable with my parents but don't most people feel like that?

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YDdraigGoch · 10/10/2013 23:21

You can make both sets of parents guardians, so that they all have a say in the upbringing of the children.
Who they live with is another matter. The 14 yr old should definitely have a say, and probably the 8yo is old enough to make the choice too.
They could have school week with one set of GPs and holidays/weekends with the other maybe??

serafinabelle · 10/10/2013 23:29

malovitt, DS is moving schools soon anyway as we're moving to California in December. He's really excited about the move. We'll have to change our Wills then again anyway. However the change of Wills now is to cover us for if anything happens on our trip next week. DH thinks that moving schools/areas as well as if you lose your parents would be too much.

TheDoctrine, yes both sets of parents would be willing to do it. My mum always give 200 per cent to everything. However I don't think they would move.

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serafinabelle · 10/10/2013 23:37

YDdraig - both sets of parents are executors/trustees of our Wills but I hadn't thought about them all being guardians. They all get on but are quite different personalities - what if they all can't agree? I did ask the kids and they said they didn't mind who they live with but would like to stay at the same school. I would prefer my parents' influence - is that more important than the schools? They're both excited about moving to California in December and haven't complained about moving schools for that reason. That is a good idea to spend the time between the two sets of grandparents although realistically it would probably be end of term holidays for the grandparents who they didn't live with as they are 3 1/2 hours apart, which would be a bit much on a weekend between school weeks.

I feel like I'm making a meal of it but just can't decide. I feel if I change the Wills to my parents in law my mum would be devastated as she knows we put her as guardian when we last updated the Wills and we have such a good relationship.

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Scarifying · 10/10/2013 23:41

I think DH has a really good point too and even when you move to California it would be better for the kids to return to their home area.
You are lucky to have two sets of grandparents to choose from. The chances of both of you dying is incredibly tiny so it's not worth agonising over this problem.

We were so glad when our eldest children reached 18 and we could appoint them guardians of our younger children.

OctoberNights · 10/10/2013 23:42

you do know neither of your are likely to die on the holiday though yeah?

Your worry about 'who will look after the children if we die' is simply guilt on you going on holiday without them

Scarifying · 10/10/2013 23:47

I am sure your mother would understand the reason for you changing the wills, if that is what you end up doing. It is one thing for younger children to change towns but quite another for teens.

I don't think the fact your kids are happy to leave to go to the US is relevant. If, they were in the position that both their parents died, I would think returning to somewhere familiar would be best for them.

redbinneo · 10/10/2013 23:47

I'm surprised you've left it this long. How many times do you travel by car without your children? That's far riskier than air travel.

serafinabelle · 11/10/2013 00:00

Scarifying - thank you, you have made some very good points there ... and yes the chances of something happening to us is so slim, I've got a little carried away :\

OctoberNights - I know!! It's because I hate flying!! The worry is probably the guilt of going away but we're not going on holiday, we're going to find and secure new schools for the kids and securing a place to live!!

Looks like everyone favours DHs decision. Thank you for all the comments. x

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Retroformica · 11/10/2013 00:02

I'm sure your kids will make friends where ever. They can also regularly visit old friends. The most important thing is being with the best parent substitute. Who will make your DC happiest?

serafinabelle · 11/10/2013 00:04

redbinneo - because the Wills have been fine up until now. Me hating flying has prompted me to look again at our Wills. The children's ages has prompted me to question whether to change the Wills.

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serafinabelle · 11/10/2013 00:14

retroformica - that was my way of thinking and why I wanted to leave the Will as it is. Who will make my DC happiest? I like to think my parents, DH likes to think his. To be honest I would have left the Wills as they were, but DH suggested changing them. Will sleep on it and decide in the morning.

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OctoberNights · 11/10/2013 01:18

You are not going to die.

Your son at 14 is old enough to make his own choice if the worst should happen ( which wont)

It's almost like you are having an argument, between you and your DH about how's parents are nicer.

You will both obviously come down on the side of your own parents

Joint custody in the will might solve everything even although neither of you will actual die, so it would be wise not to start arguments about a hypothetical situation

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