Petrol Monies

[festered]

I'm just giving a recent example but also questioning generally.

AIBU for expecting people to at least OFFER petrol £ when I give them lifts?
I quite often don't accept when I am offered,some people insist some do not.
But I like the offer to be there.

Recently I drove two people I know to an out-of-town concert.

I know one of them quite well, the other not so much.

They were going and so were me and my friend, and they were struggling for means to get there as neither of them drive, so I offered saying it would be easier than getting a taxi, and there is no public transport to the place.

So I saved them a lot of hassle, and £, and I did think afterwards that they at least should have offered a couple of £ as a gesture.

Maybe because neither of them drive they don't know how much it costs to run a vehicle?
Maybe they thought that as I was making the journey anyway, it didn't matter?
AIBU to think it's polite to offer even if only a tiny bit of £?I always have and always do-even with closest friends who I know won't take it.

It may or may not be worth mentioning that these people easily weigh well over 40st between them.
Or am I just being a dick and if I offer it means I don't want any £, by default?

[treadheavily]

I think they should offer. I always offer - and I mean it. I think it's incredibly cheap to expect a friend to drive you a long distance and not contribute to the cost.

[CocacolaMum]

it would have been polite but YABU to be arsey if they don't offer and you were going to the place anyway AND you offered.

What has their weight got to do with it?

[Beccagain]

Maybe they thought that as I was making the journey anyway, it didn't matter?


This is very likely the case: however the obverse of this is that they would have to get there somehow anyway, as you say at far greater cost and inconvenience, so OF COURSE THEY SHOULD HAVE OFFERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


For the sake of your blood pressure I should let it go this time but if something similar arises in the future I would say...really happy to give you a lift: sahll we say £x towards petrol.

You are good people Petrol

[jacks365]

What their weight has to do with it is that it increases costs. The op is out of pocket because she gave them alift. Did you have to go out of your way to pick them up/drop them off too. It is bad manners not to offer petrol money.

[Beccagain]

I've just seen your remark abouyt their weight...so I am afraid I have to withdraw one aspect of my sympathy. I mean yes they might have cost you a bit more in fuel than a couple of skinny minnies but really negligible

[CocacolaMum]

but the OP surely knew their weight when she offered? so she should have asked for money if she expected it which she clearly did.

[gobbynorthernbird]

I wouldn't offer a lift and then expect cash. Especially if I were going there anyway. You sound a bit grabby IMO.

[Beccagain]

You sound a bit grabby IMO.

Bit harsh! Why is she any more grabby than her two mates who are getting a chauffeur driven service for free?


However, as I said, she does lose my backing for apparently only being bothered about it because they are heavy!

[higgle]

Depends on your circumstances. My student son always offers petrol money if his friends give him a lift. I am 57 and not badly off, I'd just offer to do the driving the next time.

[meganorks]

They probably should have offered but if I was you I would have said something along the lines of 'why don't I give you a lift. Sharing petrol costs will be much cheaper than getting a taxi.'
That said, it doesn't sound like you were actually going very far and you were going anyway. I wouldn't expect someone to ask if only 10 or 20 min journey. Gave some friends a lift home from about 45 mind away at the weekend. They didn't offer. I didn't expect
If you wouldn't accept anyway why do you care?!

[Annoyed1234]

I've had this issue before I even learnt to drive, when my DH used to drive me and mates everywhere, sometimes at the friends request.

The most annoying example is when myself, DH, best friend and their friend all went to an exhibition (about 6 years ago). It was my best friends idea to go and we all bought our own tickets to go. After speaking with DH we agreed that us driving all of us would make more sense than getting public transport, and I proposed this idea to my friend, explaining that we wouldn't expect petrol money but the parking would cost £18 for the day so could she and her friend contribute £4.50 each (half the price of a train ticket)? She said that should be fine and they will give us the cash on the day.

When meeting up I asked twice, very politely, during the day for the cash and once in the car on the way home, and was met with excuses (I don't have enough change, I'll transfer it to you online) and silence from the friend. They both had cash during the day and spent portions of it on things at the exhibition, so I don't see why they couldn't give us their agreed contribution. To this day I have not seen a penny and this is not the first time this has happened with this friend over money owed. I have now given up and will not lend or pay for anything unless it's a gift from me.

It feels very embarrassing and awkward to have to keep asking.

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

Yanbu but you should specify that you are expecting to share costs upfront. 'I was thinking of driving, what about we all put in £5 for the petrol and it saves us all taking the bus' or whatever.

[MaxPepsi]

They should have offered. Not driving/having a car is no excuse.

Everyone knows fuel is not cheap.

As for the comment re the weight, why not point it out?

The backseat passengers in my car are generally children or my 6.5stone Mum. This weekend we were out with friends and I chose to drive. My normally very nippy 1.8TDI engine struggled like hell with the extra weight and I used a quarter of a tank of fuel extra.

[takeaway2]

YADNU.

[Crinkle77]

I don't drive and always offer money if we are going some way. If it is just a local journey I would offer to buy a drink or something.

[YeahWhat]

YANBU
My DCs don't drive but a lot of their friends do. Whenever they get a lift, even a short one, they drop a few quid (depends on distance) into the cars coin tray or if they go somewhere with paid parking they insist on paying for the parking. They don't ask they just do it. Funnily enough they always get offered lifts.

[YoureBeingADick]

oh FGS! you do NOT sound grabby at all! you sound pissed off that people are taking the mick when it's costing you money.

if someone gives you a lift you should offer money- simple as. whether they were already going or not.

my best friend knows I wont take money off her no matter where she needs a lift to but she offers it every time, I refuse so she buys me crisps every now and again

[nextyearitsbigschool]

It would would never occur to me to offer and never accept. I haven't offered / been offered petrol money since I was at school. If I am going there anyway I would have incurred the cost and if I wasn't I would only have offered if I was happy to do it.

[sazzle82]

This really bugs me, people should always offer some petrol money. I have a friend that gives me a lift home from a get together roughly every 6 weeks. She won't take money, so I buy her a drink whilst we're there. It's just polite.

I also hate the idea that as you're going anyway you should absorb the full cost whilst it costs them nothing.

[festered]

You're right, I guess I should have asked for petrol if I was concerned about the £.

Thanks Becca, I know I'm not grabby, as I said It's not a question of the £, for me.

@Megan It's about being polite. I didn't HAVE to drive them, I did it to be nice, and if it was the other way around I would have offered to compensate the cost.

I had to go out of my way yes, about 15-20 minutes and then one asked me to find a cash point on the way (I tried but there weren't any in sight!)
So about half an hour or more in total.

I guess it's mostly a question of the fact that if someone does me a favour, that costs them £ I always offer the £ because I feel it's the right thing to do.
It surprises me sometimes when people don't do the same.

If they hadn't have been expressing that they were struggling for transport to get there, I might not have decided to drive at all, I could have found other ways of getting there-got a lift, got public transport,that isn't really the point, though.

I mentioned their weight because it does make a difference to car maintenance and fuel costs, just fact. I have nothing against people being overweight-but in some instances it makes a difference to a situation.

@Annoyed Ive had similar situations to that myself and in the past have just paid it myself and then been pissed off afterwards, which isn't healty. I think that's plain rude though if you agreed it beforehand and had to ask them-did they assume you didn't need the £ because you were wealthy enough to run a car?!

thank you for the replies xx :)

[festered]

I should have added that without my giving them a lift, they would have had to taxi share with someone else , or paid for their own taxi-that would have cost about £40. If they shared with another 2 people it would have cost them about £10 each.

[WMittens]

I mean yes they might have cost you a bit more in fuel than a couple of skinny minnies but really negligible

For one thing, fuel isn't the only cost - moving a higher total mass will increase the force on brakes and tyres.

Secondly, it might be a small amount over giving a lift to lighter people, but it's a more significant amount over not giving anyone a lift - I can see a significant drop in MPG with a full car compared to me on my own.

HMRC guidelines is 5p/mile per passenger (up to two) on top of the 45p/mile reimbursement allowance.

[Beccagain]

Secondly, it might be a small amount over giving a lift to lighter people, but it's a more significant amount over not giving anyone a lift - I can see a significant drop in MPG with a full car compared to me on my own.

Absolutely...that's what I meant! (Great minds etc)

[takeaway2]

Well I recently had a work trip to do and it was about 80 min return. I took a passenger, and work paid me back £18 or so under the HMRC guidelines (5p +45p/mile). so it's not a small insignificant sum. If they had bought you a coffee at the venue it wouldn't even have made it up but at least it would have been a gesture.