to think I should be given copies of photos of my kids?

[Lizkin]

This is a genuine question especially to anyone out there who is a photographer and may have a different perspective on ownership of photos etc.

Several months ago a friend pulled out a camera while she was visiting and asked to take some photos of my kids, saying she had previously worked as a photographer. She took lots, and I asked her if I could have copies of the photos, but she only ever sent me one, not very good one, and not the ones I was hoping for.

Move on several months, and I raised the topic, but she got very cagey about showing me the photos, let alone giving me copies. Her behaviour was so odd (not letting me see the files of images, not allowing me to choose the ones I liked) that I eventually got angry and insisted on her giving me copies of all of them. She got very upset, saying I didn't understand and that I was taking advantage of her. She said she wanted to work on the photos and give me her selection of them as a present, rather than seeing them in their present state. And so I said, but it was months and months ago! When was she planning on getting around to it? Which of course upset her more.

Can anyone understand her perspective? because I honestly can't. It cost her nothing to give me copies, and just a few moments of her time. I had asked her for copies at the time she took the photos, so I thought I was just reminding her of a promise. And just because she captured the images, doesn't (for me) mean that she can withhold any of them from me, does it? After all, I was there at the time they were taken! And more importantly, they are images of my own children! Surely I have just as much right, if not more, to control who sees the images!

Sorry, rant over, would be glad of your responses.

[PleasePudding]

YANBU, it really bugs me when people do semi-photo-sessions of my children and don't pass them on.

I am not a photographer at all so can't help from that point of view but think that as you have quite reasonably asked for them a few times she should have sent them to you.

[cacamilis]

yabu, this was a friend surely could have dealt with this in a nicer manner. perhaps asked her to have them ready by a certain time frame saying you were looking forward to seeing them and showing them to people. If this didn't happen you could then have asked her to delete them. Do you imagine that he would took your children for a professional shoot copies would notice kept?
Your friend probably didn't want to show the photos that were not too good due to professional pride, is that so hard to understand? she probably incorrectly thought that you wouldn't mind waiting for them seeing as you were getting them for free.

[WhoNickedMyName]

YANBU, it would take her a matter of minutes to email you a copy of all of the pictures.

And being cagey about showing you the pictures - what's that all about? She sounds odd.

[Szeli]

I can understand where she's coming from in the sense she wanted to work on them and give you an edited selection. That is a really lovely present that had you gone to a professional studio would probably pay upwards of £300 for (depending on the amount of photos and quality of the images).

Also, as a photographer she owns the right to the images but she cannot display them anywhere or show them to others unless you signed a model release. Usually a photographers client would arrange to purchase the copyright for the pictures they liked - but in this instance she was going to give you a gift of a selection.

I agree with you in that it would be nice to choose the ones she worked on and she's being unfair if she didnt explicitly explain to you she was providing the images in a standard professional capacity.

Three months isn't nice but photo editing takes time, especially if shes been out of the game fir a while and if she's been doing it around other commitments, sibu tho for taking offence when you asked her how long - surely "they should be with you in x weeks/days" isn't too difficult to say really?!

Hope that makes sense in my garbled sleep deprived state!

[missrlr]

Erm the images are hers, not yours. YABU.
If you wanted copies of them by a certain time then why not just come to a mutually agreed conclusion?

[HollyBerryBush]

She has copyright of the images.

Are you paying for her time, paper and so forth?

[HeySoulSister]

Anyone can take photos of your children.... There's nothing you can do about that

You don't own those children you know!

[Lizkin]

Thanks for your responses. It was actually eight months ago, not three. When she took the photos I had no idea that she intended to make it a kind of 'photo shoot' - I just thought she wanted a few pictures for herself, to remember the day/ capture the moment. I never asked her to take photos, it was her who asked me if she could take some. I agree it would have been different if I'd asked her to do it in a professional capacity - if it were something I'd asked her to do. But she asked me, and I understood it as a favour I was granting HER, not the other way round!

[Florabella]

I'm a photographer and think YABU, but so is she a bit. When I take free pictures of friends kids, either as a favour or for portfolio building, I always make sure they get a good selection in reasonable time. But, they would never get every picture that I took, only the best ones that reflect my best work. Also, they would need to be edited - I'd never give anyone unedited images. I always do this within two weeks, but if she got busy with client work then I guess their editing will take priority over yours.

And legally the photographer owns all the images.

[ChocHobNob]

You complained about the quality of the picture she gave you and now she is saying that she would like to work on the photos before giving you them, so you don't end up with anymore bad quality, badly composed photos. Why would you want those? I don't see why you're being so funny about them personally. They're just photographs.

[Lizkin]

Oh, and in case it wasn't clear, she sent me a digital image, not a printed one. So I don't think it cost her anything.

I see the point about professional pride and not wanting to show poor/unedited images. But she hasn't worked as a professional for a number of years, as far as I'm aware. And the camera she used was just an ordinary point and click, no posing or anything, just like normal snaps I could have taken myself.

Basically, the whole thing was totally casual and nothing hinted to me that I should see it as a photographer carrying out her work.

[hamab]

Maybe they didn't come out very well and she's embarrassed. I would just leave it if it were me.

[howisthisnotagoodplan]

to me it sounds like yanbu at all. even if she couldn't give you printed copies surely she could have emailed you/shown you some of the images on the computer? you didn't ask her to take the photos and from the outset you made it clear that it was ok to take photos as long as you got copies. think 8 months was def long enough to politely wait before bringing it up with your friend. (that said 4 years on I'm still waiting for my wedding video which a friend's dh filmed for us and don't have the courage to come out and ask what is taking so long!)

[squoosh]

Yes, maybe the photos she took were crap and she was embarrassed to show them.

Not sure why you're so worked up about it though, don't you know what your kids look like?

[Szeli]

Sorry don't know where I got three from.

I'd reckon then they're probably shit.

[Lizkin]

To me, the quality of the photo doesn't matter one bit (unless the heads are missing I guess!) - it's about capturing the moment, having a reminder of how the kids were when they were younger. I honestly don't care if the photo's a bit blurry or badly composed or whatever - as long as you can see the expression of joy on their faces! And that's all I would want from a photo.
The one she sent wasn't what I would call a good one, because it didn't catch that joy - not because it was technically poor.

[LittleprincessinGOLDrocks]

Maybe she is wanting to put them together as a nice album for your Christmas / birthday gift?
I know when my SIL had her wedding photos done by a friend who was an aspiring photographer it took the friend months to get them to a standard she was happy with. Therefore I wouldn't be questioning the time frame too much.
Is it possible the photos were not as good as she hoped, and it is taking her longer to clean up the shots?
At the end of the day I can't understand why you are so angry with your friend. She hasn't charged you for a photo shoot, didn't seem to be planning to charge you for the photos or anything, so you are not out of pocket.
Surely plenty of friends have photos of your children from parties etc that you don't have copies of?

[OutragedFromLeeds]

Have you had a birthday since she took them?

[cacamilis]

On one hand your saying it was a photo shoot, on the other your saying it was casually done with a normal camera. I think it was nice that she wanted a few pics of your kids and meant to share them. plenty of people take pics of family members and friends kids with the intention of giving copies and it never happens. I haven't met any one who has gotten antsy about it and more have I.

[seanbonbon]

Maybe they were crap and she deleted them

[Cherriesarelovely]

I wonder why she wont show you though....there must be a reason. Judging by everything you've said I would think they didn't turn out very well and she is embarrassed. Strange not to just tell you that though!

[Lizkin]

Thanks all for your responses. Food for thought!