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Is there anyone who doesn't bitch behind people's backs?

(99 Posts)
PrincessWellington Thu 25-Jul-13 20:58:24

Beginning to think not and accepting that its life.

altostratus Sun 28-Jul-13 01:21:28

To my shame I used to do this. Then I discovered (from somebody else close to her) the person also bitched about me, horribly too. I think it served me right to think I was one of the exempted ones.

GermanGirlinLDN Sun 28-Jul-13 01:15:54

I bitch behind people's back but then when I see them I'll say it to there face.

farrowandbawl Sat 27-Jul-13 13:12:53

I don't offer advice I'm not sure of is what I ment to say.

farrowandbawl Sat 27-Jul-13 13:12:04

No, but people bitch about me ALL OF THE TIME. I have no idea why, I don't even speak to most of these people. I don't slag anyone off, I don't get involved in personal issues, I don't offer advice. Two of them I don't even know for Gods sake.

MangoJuiceAddict Sat 27-Jul-13 13:05:26

It depends who and what they've done. I try not to, and I'd say 95% of the time I don't. But there are people in my life who I very much dislike for genuine reasons (such as saying awful things about me-before I bitched about them-, lying etc) but I'm forced to be 'nice' to so I bitch to DH about them when they're not there. But some people are definitely bitchier than others. My sister is the kindest person I know and I've NEVER heard her bitch about anybody.

eggsandwich Sat 27-Jul-13 12:49:54

No I don't as i'm perfect!!!

WafflyVersatile Sat 27-Jul-13 12:38:12

Depends what you think 'bitching' is. I don't like people 'bitching' or being 'bitchy' but I understand that I have aspects of me that are probably frustrating to my friends sometimes and I don't think talking about a friend's behaviour to another friend is automatically being 'bitchy'.

WafflyVersatile Sat 27-Jul-13 12:34:21

If I have a friend who says awful and unfair or bitchy things about their other friends then I also realise they probably do that about me too and probably go off them as a friend sooner or later.

People all have good things and bad things about them. I don't expect perfection from myself or others. I don't pretend to be blind to faults either in the name of loyalty.

WafflyVersatile Sat 27-Jul-13 12:31:53

I vent my frustrations with friends to other friends sometimes and fully accept they do the same with me. [shrug]

internationallove985 Sat 27-Jul-13 12:27:23

I don't. I wont say anything behind anyones back that I wont say to their faces.
I'd say things to people on here (faces) as well if I was blessed with the opportunity. xx

fatlazymummy Sat 27-Jul-13 10:02:40

I don't. I used to be in a group that gossiped and bitched between each other's backs - I got caught out and also found out I was being gossiped about.
It's true of course - if people talk about other people behind their backs then they also do it to you. If you do it to other people you also deserve to have it done to you.
I'd rather have no friends at all than just have that kind of friendship.

Splitheadgirl Fri 26-Jul-13 21:24:47

Yes, my lovely friend, who restores my faith in human nature each and every time I see her. If someone starts to tell gossip to her, she straight away tells them (v. politely) that it is simply not her business and she would rather not know. She is very moral yet at the same time, gives the BEST advice without judging. She is pretty damn great.

i dont. i hate it. i know many many people that do though and its horrible... especially when its done to you.

i only ever talk to dh about people... and its not often i do this.

Lazyjaney Fri 26-Jul-13 20:35:20

May I bitch about all those who claim they don't bitch - yeah right grin

bossybeetroot Fri 26-Jul-13 20:31:16

I have some really lovely friends that don't bitch....but they were hard to find and there aren't many of them. But I'd rather have a handful of great, reliable friends then a mob of people who I can't trust and can't be myself with. I see it all the time......people being ever so nice to each other and then horrible behind each others backs.....and they know they are all doing it!

minouminou Fri 26-Jul-13 17:54:58

I'm like Stoosh, as well, in that if, say, a wife has to go, so does the husband. It's too difficult to negotiate, and also, some tossers will use the remaining friendship as leverage to get back at the cutter-offer.

Scuttlebutter Fri 26-Jul-13 17:50:50

I can think of at least two close friends who don't "bitch" - with one in particular, she always finds something nice to say about people, but actually doesn't talk about people much, just gets on with stuff. Much nicer and more refreshing. We end up having lovely long conversations about bread recipes, or plants, or dowsing or horses. Far better.

I can think of one person in my life who I have deliberately kept at arm's length and not developed a friendship with because I simply couldn't like her approach of being constantly critical of others, and a strange habit of posting those annoying FB updates about how disappointed she was/is with unnamed "friends". So I keep things cordial and low key.

I try hard to be positive about people and also to find good things to say/praise about them. It's very easy to be quick to criticise but much nicer to say something positive and supportive. I don't always succeed but I do try.

stooshe Fri 26-Jul-13 17:44:41

Okay , by some definitions, I have confused bitching with gossiping. The badminded gossips get me down as well as the recent phenomenon of "man bitch" (fellas that are worse than any woman when it comes to badminding on other men). Letting off steam about somebody is cool as long as you are prepared to tell them about your concerns. Moan to the person concerned before you tell anybody else. Then it won't be bitching. So gossips no. Forthright bitching (provided you have at least told the person concerned that they are pissing you off, but they have chosen to ignore), yes.

badguider Fri 26-Jul-13 17:41:45

It depends what you mean by 'bitch'. I don't say anything that would be disasterous if they were listening in.... somethings I might bite my tongue with the person but moan to my dh but if the person heard me i'd stand by it.. so things like 'x drives me mad that she's ALWAYS fifteen minutes late for everything'. or 'y is always moaning'.

stooshe Fri 26-Jul-13 17:38:17

I never could stand why people keep company with people who they bitch about. If i don't like you, I'll drop you and leave you in peace, as long as you don't start any rubbish (some people can't take rejection ). I'm not into the competitive friendships either. I dropped a whole three generation part of my family when I realised that my cousin doesn't like me. I adore(d) her mother, but since they all live in the same house, sorry, I can't do that "mouth cut two sides" malarkey and I believe that my errant cousin's home should be her castle (whether she's a bitch or not). I am now in the process of finding new types of friends and acquaintances......females with a bit of self esteem and humility about them. Tired of the old crabs in the bottom of the barrel behaviour that too many females are only too willing to dish out BEHIND another female's back. Bring back them old Elsie Tanner battleaxes to deal with them!

squoosh Fri 26-Jul-13 17:35:13

I don't believe there isn't anyone who doesn't bitch. If they say otherwise they must have a very narrow view of what bitching is or they're lying.

How can people have colleagues and not bitch about some of them from time to time.

Bumblequeen Fri 26-Jul-13 17:33:36

My dsis is a gossip and it has got her into trouble many a time. She simply cannot keep anything to herself. When she gives me information on another, I ask:

"Would so and so feel comfortable with me knowing this about them?"

minouminou Fri 26-Jul-13 17:32:29

Once I've cut someone off, though, it's open season.

minouminou Fri 26-Jul-13 17:32:06

I'll only have a go about people if I've had, or am about to, have a go at them.

Once I've cut sone

Bumblequeen Fri 26-Jul-13 17:29:37

Lukewarmbath That sounds awful.

I once worked with a group of people and on starting the job was informed that they all discussed one another. I made up my mind that I was going to stay out of it. There was a little bitching once one had gone to lunch/was on leave but perhaps they knew I was not going to entertain it.

I remember working in my first job and mentioned to colleague A that colleague B seemed nice. Colleague A then told me that colleague B was in no way complimentary about me and felt I work too slowly!

I find people can be very false in the workplace. You never truly know who is keen on you/cannot stand you unless they have a "I do not give a s* attitude'. Many a time I have seen colleagues clearly state they cannot stand someone but go on to give them lifts/have lunch with them/over compliment them.

From school I have steered clear of anyone I did not like.

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