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to wish I'd said something to this woman?

(25 Posts)
HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform Wed 29-May-13 13:15:07

I need to grow a backbone, I really do!

I was just at the gym and was waiting outside the studio before class started and got chatting to one of the other women waiting there. She asked if I had children and when I said I don't she told me I must as you're not a proper woman until you have them! She then went on to say if you die without children you leave nothing behind.

I, being a drip, changed the subject and since I came home I've been dwelling on it. Why do people feel the need to comment on other's reproductive status, and why didn't I just tell her to stop being so rude?

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Wed 29-May-13 13:16:39

Just pity the poor woman, she is obviously socially inept!

YouStayClassySanDiego Wed 29-May-13 13:17:42

She's a loon, ignore in future when waiting outside the studio!

Gatecrasher61 Wed 29-May-13 13:17:57

Just tell her the reason you didn't want children was that you didn't want to turn into a patronising parent. ;)

I haven't got children - my choice - and I wont have any now. I haven't got any regrets at all, but I really do get sick of the patronising parents who say that until you have you own you can't really understand or be a proper person.

chinley Wed 29-May-13 13:18:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Wed 29-May-13 13:18:17

I've heard it all now grin

Oobis Wed 29-May-13 13:23:22

What a strange lady! I would pity her for the issues she clearly has and for what a lonely, meaningless existence she will have when her kids leave home.

BriansBrain Wed 29-May-13 13:26:41

You can have mine if you want grin

Grow your back Bone for next time, ignore her and if she makes a comment let her know you think she is an insensitive loon and have no wish to talk to her further.

nightingalefloor Wed 29-May-13 13:27:25

Oh good lord, some people just don't think angry

I can't have children (not biologically, which I'm assuming is what she means). If someone said that to me I'd lay into them like a ton of bricks about how you're not a proper woman until you've got your head around the fact that actually, those of us without functioning reproductive systems are still human beings of the female variety.
Rant over.

HollyBerryBush Wed 29-May-13 13:27:46

She then went on to say if you die without children you leave nothing behind.

on the plus side, you'll have had some great holidays and your pelvic floor will be where it should be grin

CaipirinhasAllRound Wed 29-May-13 13:29:07

what a cow!

BlingLoving Wed 29-May-13 13:31:07

Unbelievable. I do have a child and I still haven't experienced this feeling people talk about. Sure, I get the overwhelming love bit, but quite frankly, I wouldn't wish that on anyone - it holds me hostage.

It's just rude. But some people will have an opinion on anything. She's probably the kind of person who is horrified if you don't use her preferred supermarket or if you like a different brand of tea.

But feel free to point out her rudeness next time.

gaggiagirl Wed 29-May-13 13:31:17

Well I bet she pisses herself every time she sneezes from all that child bearing!
I pity the fool.

ovenchips Wed 29-May-13 13:31:46

She is a loon but it is so not worth engaging with her and I think would end up bothering you more if you did try to respond.

I think you did the right thing and would just ignore and avoid like the plague.

I don't think it's lacking in backbone not responding. Some people are simply not worth it.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 29-May-13 13:56:14

Total loon she sounds. My Great Aunt had no children and she left a LOT behind. She lives on in many memories and it is 30 years since she died. She left a legacy in the Girl Guides where she was a leader, in many photo albums, in my love of needlework (which she taught me) and in many a laugh when we have good memories of her. And that's just me and my siblings.

She didn't have children because she never wanted any and she had a full and happy life.

Crinkle77 Wed 29-May-13 16:35:19

I hate that patronising attitude that some people have. My mum said something similar when she told me that you don't know what life is about until you have children. Neomaxi is right. You can still leave behind a great legacy for example if you do charity work or something

treaclesoda Wed 29-May-13 16:38:08

Its never occurred to me that I need to 'leave something behind' or make a mark on the world. Most people don't really make a significant mark, they just live their life and then they don't. Nothing wrong with that.

What a nasty, patronising cow she sounds.

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 29-May-13 16:42:50

If you don't have kids you leave behind a much better carbon footprint OP wink

(I have a DS btw, but it's a pretty good comeback for those who don't want/haven't had kids yet)!

RememberingMyPFEs Wed 29-May-13 17:43:46

Nasty cow with no thought as to why you don;t have kids. Whether through choice or fate it's your life not hers!
Someone once said to me "If you don;t have kids you have to do something great to make up for it" and I figured the worlds doesn't need any more ego's like hers! What's wrong with living a quiet and happy life - why the need for legacy?!

Startail Wed 29-May-13 17:50:47

My DD1 is named after my amazing childless great aunt. Try telling the generations of children she taught in difficult schools that she didn't make a difference.

Or her two brothers younger who she looked out for all their lives, or me, DSIS and my cousins who she taught strength, resilience and how to make sherry trifle to.

The woman is an arse.

ShadowStorm Wed 29-May-13 20:50:15

She sounds very rude and insensitive. She could - actually, probably does, if she makes a habit of going on like this - really upset infertile women who want kids.

And, as others have said, childless women can and do make a difference and can leave something behind. So it's a nonsensical statement anyway.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 29-May-13 20:52:11

She sounds so socially inept/weird that it probably wasn't worth confronting her.

Sorry she upset you.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 29-May-13 20:52:41

Although telling her off might have made you feel better..

hermioneweasley Wed 29-May-13 20:52:57

That is so bizarre I wonder if she's mentally ill

sandiy Wed 29-May-13 20:53:16

At least you can do an exercise class without needing too pee first or if you ve had a tough time in the class.I can t do anything these days without a wee first lol

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