to ask what we should do after Year 7 DS was attacked at school

[eleflump]

Have been away for the weekend and not been able to post before now, but my DS1 (12) came home from school on Friday and burst into tears - I cannot remember the last time he cried.

It turned out that he had been attacked at morning break by three boys - the first one put him in a headlock, the second one punched him in the nose and the stomach and the third one threw him into the metal lockers, then a table, then a chair. He was in tears at school, went to find his form teacher, he was removed from the next lesson and had to spend the time in a Year 10 class with the Deputy Head and also spend his lunch hour with her.

I had to go and pick DS2 up from primary, and so it was an hour after DS2's school had closed before I could ring the school - I was really cross that this had been going on all day and I hadn't been told. I managed to get hold of his Head of Year who had been dealing with the incident along with the Deputy Head.

HoY said that she was appalled by the attack, that it was completely unprovoked and that they have got witness statements from other children that corroborate this. She said that the three boys spent the afternoon in the Serious Incident Room, have been spoken to by the Deputy Head and the Head, that their parents have been informed and that they will be punished further once school have decided on a punishment.

So, the school seem to be taking it seriously, but I am worried that some momentum may be lost due to the half-term break and so I feel I should make an appointment to see the HoY to ensure that these boys are punished. My DS has not had any trouble with them before, but I have heard him mention their names as they seem to be the troublemakers in the year.

Would you advise me to make an appointment, or to let the school deal with it? What would be an appropriate punishment in these circumstances?

My DH is furious and wants to inform the police, but would it be better to try and work with the school first?

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

I'm so sorry for your Son, poor lad .

Make an appointment and speak to the HT and HoY, it's that serious.

I would be inclined to phone the police for advice seeing as it's half term, just so that you have an idea of what their procedure is and so that you can go into school armed with the facts as stated by the police , don't let this lie.

[HollyBerryBush]

Let the school deal with it. I doubt it will be lost over half term.

I feel I should make an appointment to see the HoY to ensure that these boys are punished.

You have the right to make your feelings known, but you have no right to any information about any sanctions placed on those boys. You undoubtedly will hear through the grapevine what has happened.

The school will have procedures and policies in place to deal with incidents. They will give you a copy upon asking. Although they are probably uploaded on the school website.

I am somewhat at need for a Serious Incident Room though.

[noblegiraffe]

Phone the police. Seriously. If the attack had happened to your DH at work, what would you do?

[cansu]

I can totally see why you are upset but the school are dealing with it. Making an appointment with HOY is unlikely to speed this up. I would leave it for two days and then call and speak to hoy to check that it has been dealt with appropriately. I would expect that the boys will be suspended.

[hippoesque]

How on earth can you not be entitled to know anything about the punishment handed out to someone that had beaten your child?!

Just because this happened between school children does not mean that it should be brushed under the rug and I would definitely ask for more information on how the school plans to deal with this. If you are not satisfied then phone the police, he is your child and you can decide what action is taken if the school does not step up.

[eleflump]

HollyBerryBush - I know what you mean re the Serious Incident Room - the HoY kept saying the boys were in the SIR, and I thought it was a strange way of referring to a male teacher.

But one of her sentences just didn't make sense so I had to ask her to clarify, and apparently it stands for the Serious Incident Room where they keep pupils in isolation.

[BellaBearisWideAwake]

Every secondary school has a room for students to be kept in isolation.

[englishteacher78]

Not every school does actually. I'm a teacher and if I was a parent in this situation and my child had been assaulted then I would certainly want the offenders to know they'd committed a criminal offence. I'd call the police.

[HoHoHoNoYouDont]

I'm at Serious Incident Room too. Oh how things have changed since I was at school!

I would also be inclined to seek some advice from the Police. Their behaviour is beyond disgusting.

[NessaYork]

By your description, this was a serious assault, albeit by juveniles. Even though the school is dealing with it, you are within your rights to inform the police. Ask yourself what kind of message you want your sons to understand from the incident, and how you would want them to deal with this kind of thing if it happened to them in adulthood. The other consideration is what kind of message you want to send to the bullies about how this behaviour is received. What will it take to stop them repeating this with some other child?

[CaptainSweatPants]

You don't say how your ds feels now? Hope he's okay

[HollyBerryBush]

Isolation or exclusion room is fairly common terminology but SIR sounds like the school has an on going problem.

How on earth can you not be entitled to know anything about the punishment handed out to someone that had beaten your child

Simply, it comes under child protection - you wouldn't like it if I demanded information about your child would you?

The school quite probably won't even tell you directly the names of the children involved either. Pointless, really as your son will have identified them anyway.

Depending on the previous background, this could be the straw that breaks the camels back and the boys could all be on for a perm exclusion. Or this could just be the first serious level of aggression. Each school will deal with it differently.

[Rosieeo]

I'd ring the police too, if it was my child, and I say that as a teacher.

There are children in our school who do things like this and NEVER take it seriously. They spend a day in isolation, maybe they are excluded for a few days, they go on 'report'. Many of them don't care about what they've done or the sanctions set by school and need a taste of what would actually happen to them if they were to attack someone on the street.

[eleflump]

Tiggytape - yes, thank you, you're right - we need him to know that we are working with the school to keep him safe.

[Bonsoir]

Yes, tell the police. IME the police can be a lot more understanding than schools and take these things with the seriousness they deserve when Heads prefer to brush things under the carpet.

[LondonMan]

You have the right to make your feelings known, but you have no right to any information about any sanctions placed on those boys.

Isn't that an argument for making it a police matter?

Or in the legal system does justice being seen to be done not apply if the offenders are young?

Or would the police do nothing?

[eleflump]

CaptainSweatPants - sorry, I didn't want to burble on for too long in my original post.

DS is okay now - I think the half-term worked in our favour as he has not been back to school since the attack. He had a sore stomach for a couple of days - I'm not sure whether that was because he was anxious or because of him being punched. He was also up in the night on Friday because his back was sore from him being thrown into the lockers. God, even typing this is making me mad.

[HollyBerryBush]

In my personal experience, the police are slightly more useless than schools in dealing with this sort of matter. They don't like the paperwork. They take great pains to frighten the "victim" and actively dissuade the parents from pushing the matter - unless you are willing to let it drop with a "quiet chat with the other parents" but if you actually want to push the issue - the police are utterly impotent.

Such little gems as "if you want to take this further, you'll have to watch your back every time you go out as his mates will get you"

[Goldmandra]

Definitely ask for a follow-up meeting simply because, in my experience, things can get forgotten over breaks and your request for a meeting will ensure they don't let it slip.

I would tell the school staff, very calmly and clearly, that any future incidents will result in a call to the police and request that this is passed onto the other children's parents.

After that you need to focus on how they are going to keep your son safe and, just as important, make sure he feels safe in school in future.

[diddl]

I'd also call the police.

It was a thought out, prolonged attack, with one child restraining whilst the others punched.

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

Are you a teacher Holly?

[QuintessentialOldDear]

I would definitely call the police and report the assault.

[HollyBerryBush]

What was the other little gem they came out with, ah yes "carrying a knife isn't illegal, he might have been peeling his mums potatoes and put it in his pocket by accident"

Yeah, that would explain why he got it out and threatened to stab.

Police, I seriously have no idea what their selection process is these days, but it needs some serious reviewing. Because every single police person I have come across in the last 10 years have been, simply, really, quite stupid.