Gently dips toes into the AIBU waters, whilst trying to avoid a flaming. Please be gentle!
Apologies for the rambling. I am literally still wafting away plumes of smoke coming from my ears so ire may overtake reason at some points....
EXH and I were married in the UK, separated and divorced abroad - let's call it country A - 6 years and 3 years ago respectively.
A year ago I asked his permission to move back to the UK with the children and he willingly signed a letter to this effect. His only stipulation was that he could slash the child maintenance by a third since the UK was so much cheaper than Country A. I did my sums and agreed, letting him know that because of the move and change of job for me, I would really be counting on this amount every month. He assured me he would not let the children and me down.
This past year has been wonderful for the children: they have absolutely flourished - both academically and socially - and no longer feel like the odd ones out as they did in Country A. I have two very happy piglets in muck here :)
As a compromise for their father not being able to see them every other weekend they have spent every holiday so far with him. Painful for me but the price I feel I have to pay for bringing them back here.
EXH has never set up a Direct Debit for the maintenance although this was decreed in the Divorce Papers. Every month he has made me beg for it and I suppose it became a habit. This past year he has moved from Country A to Country B, having given up an extremely high profile position to now spend his days fishing. Lucky devil indeed!!
Downside is that the maintenance has either been 2 months late, has fallen short or has not been forthcoming at all. When I have the temerity to ask for it I get called every name under the sun.
Bit of background on the last two months: I had a severe healthscare two months ago (luckily the children were with EXH at the time!!). This has resulted in a total breakdown for me - turns out the physical symptoms were a manifestation of sheer stress and PTSD. I have been seeing a counsellor and have actually only now realised (and yes, I am an intelligent woman!) how EA my marriage was and how EA the relation with my EXH still is.
They were supposed to spend this half term with him again. Flights were booked. Sadly, he has not paid the maintenance for May yet (March and April payments were short) and I did not have the money to take them to the airport. In the past year I have had to borrow money from friends etc because of his late or non payments and this time I refused. I have £10 to see me and the children through until Friday (totally doable since I luckily have food in the house) but that does not stretch to petrol to the airport.
I have had a barrage of verbal abuse via txt and he said he no longer agrees with the children living here and that he will not pay anymore maintenance this year since he has paid me £100 more a month (mean) than he has to according to CSA guidelines based on his current income. I can expect to hear from his lawyer and he will file for custody etc.
This is from a man who has bothered to speak to his children twice, yes TWICE, in the past five weeks!!!!
I AM FUCKING FUMING!!!!! He wants to be Fun Dad, not deal with any of the responsibilities and still claim the Father Of the Fucking Year Award!!!!
So....Very long story (sorry!!) short....AIBU to have not borrowed more money to get the kids to the airport and have kept them here instead??
AIBU?
AIBU to be totally pissed off with my EXH??.....Maybe I am...
ChickenNoodleSoup · 27/05/2013 10:31
Is there any way you could rejig your finances so that you're not dependent on maintenance for your and your DCs day to day living expenses? I've found that if you're trying to deal with a control freak ex it becomes much easier to deal with if you're not reliant on them. Obviously he's a knob but as long as he has some control over you financially he is not going to get any easier to deal with.
Re. the DC visiting him. If they're not fussed and it's too much strain on you financially then don't stress about it. Let him rant, tell him the way it is the. Refuse further conversation until he can keep a civil tongue in his head.
Hope you have a lovely time with your DC 
I think we might have the same XH!!!! I used to get the exact same phone calls and he says the same about having to drive 3 hours to see his child (my fault so I should pay his expenses despite receiving no maintenance!) They are cunt weasels.
Be proud that you escaped him and are bringing up your children away from his abusive behaviour.
Sorry I don't have anything practical to say but just wanted to assure you that YANBU 
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