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To have second thoughts about this!

(5 Posts)
Dryjuice25 Tue 21-May-13 13:57:04

When I got my previous job I had to commute for miles to and from work and was not around to pick up my kids from school. I asked a mum I knew if she could pick up my kids from the school and I would pay her. Her dd was in same class with my dd, so there was little inconvenience. She would just pick my dds and keep them home until my ex finished college at 4:30. This was for 4 days a week and I'd provide their after school snacks. This mum refused but recommended someone who then agreed to do this for £40 a week.

Fast forward three school terms later this mum has now moved to the town I now live (200miles away). She has an abusive partner who doesn't help her much and has a new born. The other day she was stuck in traffic [why travel miles and miles when you have to pick a child from school?] She called like an hour beforehand to see if I would pick her dd up. For this I'd have to go into town, get a bus to the school, pick her up, get bus to town and another back home, with 3kids in tow! I couldn't anyway as I had to be somewhere else but I thought she was asking for too much!! My car is off the road.

She has asked me to babysit when she goes to the gymn for free- a few times a week. I love small babies but only my own. Please don't judge me for this.

I stupidly said yes. She has had a tough time lately(abortion). I agreed to look after her dd when she had to travel miles to have this done but when the day came she just went and didn't communicate with me or thank me for offering to help which miffed me a bit?! Also it seems like she only calls me when she wants me to do her a favour.

If there is anything I hate is to feel used and now I want to cut all communication and obviously bail out of the babysitting. I am generally not good at making friends so I wonder if I am being unreasonable.

whattodoo Tue 21-May-13 14:00:57

I'd call time on the babysitting. Say you've got other commitments.

Maybe in a few weeks invite her out for a coffee to see if you've got enough in common for friendship without the 'favours'?

Dryjuice25 Tue 21-May-13 14:24:29

That sounds like a fantastic idea thanks.

Will try that out. I don't think we have much in common apart from having kids the same age having said that. She never asks about me or my kids so I think that says a lot for now...

But to be fair she is wrapped up in a very difficult situation with her dp being abusive to the extent I told her to ltb, so maybe that's why she is so self absorbed...

OldBagWantsNewBag Tue 21-May-13 15:01:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dryjuice25 Wed 22-May-13 00:50:46

OldBags- Thanks for your message. I don't think she needs friendship either. I'm the one doing most communications unless she needs something from me. We weren't that close back in our town anyway. So in the light of that, I'm not exactly desperate to be BFF iyswim.

I would never leave my kids with her purely because she said something to my dds I felt aghast about and I called her up on it immediately because I felt that strongly about the issue, so no, I wont need her for those purposes.

I will tell her to make her dp babysit instead as he doesn't work anyway!

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