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to be annoyed that the grocery shop was done without me

(50 Posts)
peacefuloptimist Wed 15-May-13 17:03:43

We do a big grocery shop fortnightly. Me and DH normally go together as I dont drive but occasionally he does it without me which he has done today. I have told him I dont like it when he does that. I am a SAHM so am normally the one doing the cooking and housework (though he does help at the weekend) so I am more aware of whats needed. He checks briefly the essentials but mostly he guesses at whats needed and always misses stuff out or buys things we dont need. Like today he has bought a load of snacks (think junk food) for himself but has forgotten my healthy snacks and veg for our ds purees. Also never buys cleaning products like washing up liquid. l have a suspicion that he deliberately doesnt bring me to save money as he spends less when Im not there. AIBU to be pissed off after I told him not to or am IBU to demand he doesnt go without me?

By the way, before anyone asks we used to do our shopping online but found we saved mm

CajaDeLaMemoria Wed 15-May-13 17:05:08

Why did he go on his own? Was it more convenient, or did he just disappear?

I'd just leave a list on the fridge or something, to be honest. That way, whoever goes can see what is definitely needed.

Fairylea Wed 15-May-13 17:05:54

Just stock up from your local supermarket? If he hasn't brought what you need then it's his fault you need to go.... can you keep a shopping list on top of the microwave or something to both write on so whoever goes takes it with them (this is what we do).

peacefuloptimist Wed 15-May-13 17:06:11

Sorry pressed send accidentally. we save more when we buy in person. I know online shop ping is popular on mumsnet

DiscoDonkey Wed 15-May-13 17:06:30

I hate it when dh does the food shopping he spends more money but come home with tesco value stuffing and other shit that's cheap and nasty.

Branleuse Wed 15-May-13 17:06:31

yabu. its not a big deal.

Mutt Wed 15-May-13 17:07:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ Wed 15-May-13 17:07:52

Of course he saves money when you are not there, he misses stuff. You would save money if he wasn't there, you would not buy the rubbish.

I agree with Fairylea, you need a list.

cantspel Wed 15-May-13 17:09:12

Just pick up a bottle of washing up liquid and some veg when you are passing your local shop. Hardly the end of the world if you have to carry a bottle of fairy home from spar.

noblegiraffe Wed 15-May-13 17:10:41

I hate my DH doing the grocery shop, we have a list, but he only ever gets exactly what's on the list. I like going off-piste and spotting nice stuff and bargains.

youaintallthat Wed 15-May-13 17:11:48

just shop online sounds like he was just trying to help....

MrsMangoBiscuit Wed 15-May-13 17:13:04

Maybe he was trying to do a nice thing and save you having to do the shop? Honestly though, I'd be pissed off too. I also do almost all the cooking (DH cooks fajitas every other week!) and all the meal planning, and most of the cleaning. (He works more hours than I) so if he went shopping without my list, he'd end up having to go back, or I'd have to pop to the co-op locally and spend much more than we should need to.

I'd be tempted to give him a list of the things he's missed and ask him to go back. Does he know you'd rather do the shopping yourself? Have you asked him why he wants to do it alone?

LEMisdisappointed Wed 15-May-13 17:13:55

I feel your pain, i will not allow DP to do the shopping as he will spend too much money and we will STILL end up needing to supplement later in the week! I am very strict shopper as we are skint and he just has no idea - i dont drive either so we go as a family but he and DD are religated to the coffee shop so even with coffee for him and treats for her, we spend less money than if he does it. He isn't even allowed to walk round with me because he puts me off and puts shite in the trolley

thebody Wed 15-May-13 17:13:56

Plan A..Put a generic list onto his notes section on his phone.

Then there's no excuse.

For now go local and show him the price difference.

Plan B..kick in bollocks.

HollyBerryBush Wed 15-May-13 17:14:34

we save more when we buy in person

really? I go in for a pint of milk and come out 80 quid lighter sad

I save oodles online shopping because I only buy what I need.

McPrice Wed 15-May-13 17:15:21

magic beans
i dont let dh go food shopping he just buys crap andspemds twice what i would.

NotYoMomma Wed 15-May-13 17:15:22

When my dh goes to ASDA it is a highlight and he is always armed with a list of things I am needing

The odd time doesn't really matter does it?

And if you are so annoyed about it do it online

peacefuloptimist Wed 15-May-13 17:15:41

Because we do a big shop once every two weeks we have to take the car and we go to a big store. Also (and I know this is going to cause c ontroversy) we dont have a joint account (he transfers money to my account at the start of the month) So I need him there to do the food shop. I can buy the stuff I need from the local Store but then I will have to pay from my personaI money and not from the family money. He does reimburse whatever I buy with my own money which should come out of the family pot but I Feel like a cheapskate asking for £5 back.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel Wed 15-May-13 17:16:26

If my dh 'demanded' anything from me his ass would be out the door so fast he wouldn't know what was going on.

Shop online, get the bus, go past the shop yourself, its really no big deal that he dared to venture to the supermarket without your express permission.

FryOneFatManic Wed 15-May-13 17:17:49

I hate food shopping when DP is with me. I can guarantee it costs twice as much.

surroundedbyblondes Wed 15-May-13 17:17:57

Surely him having to drive you to tasks that only you can do is overkill?

I agree that he ought to be capable of doing a supermarket shop himself, but you equally ought to be able to get yourself around without him having to drive you.

shewhowines Wed 15-May-13 17:18:12

I don't mind DH doing a top up shop with a list but I must admit i would get frustrated in this instance. The main person who cooks needs to do the main shopping. I cook some meals using whatever "bargains" I have brought. I know what i need to get for meals I have planned. i couldn't be doing with remembering to put on the list every single little thing.

LRDtheFeministDragon Wed 15-May-13 17:18:26

Does he know he's missing stuff? I wouldn't be fed up if it was an honest mistake, but I don't understand the point if he constantly misses essentials - what happens when you get to washing up and there's no liquid?

Do you not have a local corner shop in walking distance? Or does he not realize that the price is probably higher there so a false economy?

I wouldn't be 'demanding' anything right now, I'd just be asking him did he know he'd only done half the job and if not, no worries, but you both need to go and do it properly now.

I just don't follow what you think he stands to gain by not buying essentials.

FrebbieMisaGREATshag Wed 15-May-13 17:18:43

You have bigger issues then than just the food shop.

Why can't he transfer you over enough to do the shopping with? Even if you don't want joint finances?

OddBoots Wed 15-May-13 17:19:02

Have you asked him if you could both go back to the shop together for the things he has forgotten?

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