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to wonder if it is possible to get over depression and feelings of worthlessness you have had your whole life?

(18 Posts)
belladonna666 Sun 12-May-13 15:13:59

I have been depressed on and off for as long as I can remember. I also have all those lovely things that go with depression - anxiety, low self esteem, obsessive thoughts, hopelessness.

I am tired of feeling like this. I am almost 40 now, a mum of 2 and I can hardly function and sick of my own brain. I have tried so many different treatments over the years (talk therapies, CBT, anti-depressants, alternative treatments) but nothing has been a long term success.

Has anyone ever recovered completely from depression (or in my case long term personality failure) to live a healthy and happy life. How did you do it?

gertrudetrain Sun 12-May-13 15:21:57

I've had clinical depression for 19 years (diagnosed when I was 15 alongside ED). I've had PND and PTSD thrown in on the way. All stems from being sexually abused as a child with other crap that life throws. I said exact same thing to my psychologist, will it ever get better/cured? She said some people have issues with their heart, lungs, joints etc that are just their particular sensitivity. Mine is my brain. I'll be on meds my whole life and they keep things smooth ish: at crisis points I access talking therapy. I'll always be under a psych. I haven't recovered but I have accepted it which is half the battle. I'll never be miss sunshine but I can function mostly. What do you want OP? Acceptance or cure or moderated calm?

Roshbegosh Sun 12-May-13 15:22:10

Don't call it a personality failure. There is a reason why you have this illness and it is so persistent and I wish we could talk. I hope someone can help you, though it might not be from MN.

gertrudetrain Sun 12-May-13 15:24:02

God just reading that I've had clinical depression for 19 years is depressing! Sorry OP I suspect my reply won't help!

INeedSomeSun Sun 12-May-13 15:25:14

Didn't want to read & run
My DH has anxiety & he has really improved since doing 'mindfulness'. Don't know if you've tried this?
I can tell you which books & cds he's used if you like, although going to a therapist would be best

WildeRumpus Sun 12-May-13 15:28:26

Yes. I my mum cut.me out of her life nearly two years ago when I failed to live up to expectation and it was the making of me. I haven't self harmed or had depression since - despite having a nasty miscarriage last year. With kind people around me and a good Dr I coped. Made me realise how much her poison filled.my brain with self hate and destruction.

Db and dsis see her regularly and still suffer terribly with depression and low self.worth. sad

belladonna666 Sun 12-May-13 15:50:21

I just want to stop feeling like I have failed in life and just be content. Not wake up every morning with a sense of panic and dread and not compare myself to everyone else who seems to be so much more successful than I have been because this depression has destroyed my life and I hate it. I have no ambition, not strength, no motivation. I feel dead inside and I don't want to feel this way.

WestieMamma Sun 12-May-13 15:53:50

I was finally diagnosed with AS at 38 after a lifetime of being incorrectly diagnosed and treated for depression. This has led to finally finding peace. Not because there's any cure or treatment, but because it allowed me to accept myself how I was rather than constantly trying to 'fix myself' to be what I thought I should be.

pigletpower Sun 12-May-13 16:23:19

I have felt like this for nearly three years.I want to go to the doctors,but how do I begin the conversation? I am scared that they will just fob me off by saying that's life and be thankful with what you've got. Christ,I feel thankful if I get through a day without thinking about killing myself. I am drowning in blackness and I have nothing to hold on to.

loofet Sun 12-May-13 16:33:26

I had it combined with anxiety and later agoraphobia for five yrs. I tried CBT which, for me, was useless (how are you supposed to move on with the future if you don't tackle the past?!) and a few anti-d's which I hated taking anyway, I've never been a pill popper.

I hit an all time low early last year. Just couldn't get out of bed, thought my kids would have a better life without me dragging them down, felt like a failure etc. DH researched all he could to see how he could help me, bless him he must have felt so helpless sad and he looked into the big link between diet and MH problems. At the time I was chugging down a 2l bottle of pepsi max a day and eating like shit- barely eating and when I did it was like a big bag of crisps and a lot of chocolate. When he told me the link I just thought 'oh what mumbo jumbo, like sorting out what I eat and drink will solve all these issues'.. But it did, it honestly did.

It obviously took a few weeks to work and change habits but once I did I never looked back. A lot of herbal teas like chamomile, fennel, nettle, fruit teas etc and cut out all fizzy drinks, caffeine and all junk food (well, obviously the occasional choc bar is ok! But just not every day..) Drink lots of water, eat lots of fruit&veggies etc. I know, I know it sounds so contrived but for me it absolutely changed my whole outlook on life. Also yoga and meditation, I know they aren't for everyone but they also helped enormously.

Now I go out alone with all three kids in tow practically every day! And this is the same person who a little over a year ago couldn't face getting out bed in the morning, wouldn't leave the house, always felt anxious and low etc.

So I don't know how your diet is but if you think it's poor, or you drink a lot of fizzy drinks then it's worth a shot. Chamomile tea is also a really good boost. Sorry this was a bit rambly blush I know its hard to think this way but you absolutely aren't alone and you have people who care about you and love you so stay strong -hug-

shewhowines Sun 12-May-13 16:56:03

pigletpower Go to the doctors. You must get help. They are used to this sort of thing. Don't be embarrassed.

Op- Can't offer any advice but I hope you can find something to help, or at least find acceptance. Except - You are worthy. Don't compare yourself to others. You don't know what angst they are hiding. Not everything is as it appears. Cut yourself some slack.

LittleMissLucy Sun 12-May-13 16:58:57

Its a work in progress. I agree you probably need to speak to the professionals for getting help, but I'd say:

Try to take one day at a time - and at the end of each day, tell yourself 3 things that went RIGHT that day - not the bad stuff, not what you felt you failed in - but 3 successes, however small they may be.

I really hope things get better, its especially hard when you have small ones and feel worse as you may not be getting enough unbroken sleep.

theodorakisses Sun 12-May-13 17:02:13

I have to say that I was in the same situation but since living in the US and ME where when you have insurance you see a doctor for the problem you have rather than a GP and counseller, I have totally left it behind. I still take, and always will, Cipralex, but he never asked me a great deal about the past, instead made me deal with now and the future. I wish I had seen a proper doctor years ago.

belladonna666 Sun 12-May-13 17:23:48

loofet - I eat pretty healthily, don't smoke and don't drink alcohol. I try and cook from scratch. Lots of fruit, vegetables etc. It doesn't seem to make much difference. I feel like crap whether I eat crap or whether I eat well. I feel like I was born broken and I'm not fixable sad.

SilvercloudRainbow Sun 12-May-13 17:25:53

CBT worked for me, though I respect it doesn't for everyone and if you've tried it and had no luck then that's a shame. The only thing that has sustained results for me is my dog. I got him almost 2 years ago and have never been depressed since (touch wood ha ha). That's the longest I've ever managed in my entire life.

marjproops Sun 12-May-13 17:33:07

no, sorry. Ive had it all my life and it never goes away, EVER. I hope yours does of course, I wouldnt wish this on on anyone else.

no meds/gps/currently having counselling and even she says its the same week in week out. diff counsellors over the years, and today seeing this woman kill herself over the bedroom tax?

well, ive been feeling the same too.

i totally totally 'get' you, OP, totally.

i suppose thats the only comfort, knowing someone else can feel similar.

kim147 Sun 12-May-13 17:54:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kim147 Sun 12-May-13 17:57:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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