First off, I have a great MIL. She is not an interferer or a bosser-about and we get on very well indeed, always have.
I have a DD, now a few weeks old, and MIL is keen to help out, especially when I go back to work. Obviously I am hugely grateful for her offer and would love for her to give us whatever time she can and would like to; having family look after DD when possible would be wonderful.
BUT there is a difficulty which is that MIL is SO keen not to be a bossy MIL or granny that she is very very backwards about coming forwards IYSWIM. She is very nervous indeed about holding the baby, changing or feeding her, all of which will be vital if she is going to do some caring/babysitting! She comes over a lot but mostly just ends up keeping me company at the kitchen table which is lovely but not very practical when I have huge amounts of general baby stuff to be doing eg washing, sterilising, sleeping whenever possible More often than not we just end up sitting for hours over tea. Tea that she is too anxious even to make in case she gets it wrong!! Honestly watching her make a pot of tea is painful as she hesitates about everything and it takes three times as long as it should. I would leap up and just do it myself but obviously that would make her even more nervy!
I have tried already to encourage her to think that she can do more (btw I know she WANTS to really help, this is not me trying to turn her into a skivvy, not that I would do that anyway!) by suggesting that she give DD a little feed from a bottle while I am doing a bit of ironing etc... she did this for five mins and then handed her back in a panic saying she was sure she was doing it all wrong. I tried to show her how to work the steriliser but she went on and on about how she was sure she would get it wrong and it would be dangerous.
It is like the absolute opposite of an interfering MIL and I really would like to change this! I know she would too but she is so scared and reticent that I don't really know where to begin apart from doing what I have already done which hasn't been very successful.
Any advice on how to encourage her a bit more? I did just try handing her the baby one day for a cuddle but she was very nervous and so didn't hold her firmly enough, leading to squirming, which made her even more nervous and so DD was handed back again...
I am not the greatest at giving instructions/direction so obviously a lot of this is down to me being a bit rubbish but I am so keen to make headway on this front so any advice would be much appreciated!
DH is pushing and pushing for us to use her for babysitting one night soon as he would love for us to get a quick meal out or something and he doesn't seem to realise how nervous I would be about leaving DD with MIL under the current circumstances. Of course she had kids of her own but that was years ago and obviously I understand that she is nervous! But I can't relax until she is quite a bit more confident and she won't get confident unless she does a bit more...
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25 replies
emeraldgirl1 · 24/04/2013 16:55
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