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to think my friend should have said something about her child?

(18 Posts)
AprilAndFrank Tue 23-Apr-13 21:06:24

My friend and I have two girl both the same age - 11 (one is 10 but will be 11 in 2weeks). Both attend the same school and had the day off today (inset day)

Both of them are really good friends. My friend also has another daughter who is 5. My DD love the 5yo (my DD is the youngest and always wanted a little sister), so when she sees the 5yo she always plays with her and makes a fuss of her, which the younger girl loves.

We took them on a picnic today and went to the supermarket before. 5yo was holding my DDs hand walking around, when I heard the 11yo say - "if you don't stop holding DD's hand then you won't be coming to my party) - to which the little girl quickly let go and looked quite upset.

My friend heard her say this and said absolutely nothing.

CloudsAndTrees Tue 23-Apr-13 21:14:04

Your friend could have chosen to say something, but it's not that bad that she didn't.

Perhaps she is sensitive to the fact that her dd can sometimes feel jealous about her little sister. Maybe the 11yo finds it upsetting when her friends pay more attention to her sister than they do to her, so her mother decided to let the comment go.

It's really not the parenting crime of the century.

SpanishFly Tue 23-Apr-13 22:51:32

I don't really get it. Who wasn't going to her party - her little sister or your dd?

JaquelineHyde Tue 23-Apr-13 22:54:27

Rule number 1 never ever get involved in little girl squabbles, there will be many, many more and your DD will be responsible for just as many comments. Let them sort it out themselves.

GlitterySkulls Tue 23-Apr-13 22:59:36

see, if i was the mother i'd have said something along the lines of "keep that up & you won't be having a party."

it'd annoy me if my 11 year old was picking on a 5 year old like that.

TigerSwallowTail Tue 23-Apr-13 23:35:01

I'm with clouds on this one, I think the friend is jealous that your Dd fusses over her sister so much. The mum maybe should have said something but she's probably used to sibling squabbles between them, I don't think it's that big a deal that she didn't say anything.

Bogeyface Tue 23-Apr-13 23:38:04

If my 11 year old said that to my 8 year old then Glitterys comment of there not being a party would have been said. If she had said that to a 5 year old then I would have punished on the spot (phone taken or something). But then I have a large family where there is expected to be give and take with younger siblings.

Softlysoftly Tue 23-Apr-13 23:41:17

I'm with Glittery the DDs are only 3 and 10mnths and as lovely as they are together I already have to referee, can't imagine letting something that mean go.

I would also make sure the girls had time together away from the 5yr old too though so the fuss didn't cause jealousy.

TigOldBitties Tue 23-Apr-13 23:51:35

It depends. I probably wouldn't have said anything.

I have 5 DC and I just don't get involved with things on that low level. If I was on them about every little thing I'd never stop. Plus sometimes they go through phases of bickering, it passes.

I might have told the older one to shut up if they had said a few things, but for one little comment like that then probably not.

Bogeyface Tue 23-Apr-13 23:55:27

Really Tig? I have 6 DC and generally I dont intervene in their bickering but deliberate spite really gets to me and I wont tolerate it. The most spiteful child I have is actually my youngest DD and I have pulled her up several times for the nasty things she has said to her older (by 4 years) sister.

Bogeyface Tue 23-Apr-13 23:57:44

I should say, I have pulled her up on it when I see the reaction it has caused in her older sister. If the 5 year old in this case hadnt reacted then I would probably have let it go, but as she clearly was bothered by it then a punishment would have been in order.

WorraLiberty Wed 24-Apr-13 00:04:38

I'm not really getting this

But if you felt something needed to be said then why didn't you say it? confused

TigOldBitties Wed 24-Apr-13 00:05:51

Bogey I just don't get that into it all I guess. I think had she made her cry or really distressed her then yes, or as I said made a few comments, I would have intervened but otherwise no.

I'm on of eight children and we used to say and do awful things to each other on occasion, most of the time we got on ok but some times we were just not very nice to each other. However it was just like a water off a ducks back most of the time.

I just take the view, they love each other, they're there for each other when it counts, but some times they're shits to each other, no big deal, we can't be nice all the time.

Bogeyface Wed 24-Apr-13 00:06:05

I am guessing Worra it was because neither the 11 year old or the 5 year old where the OPs DC.

WorraLiberty Wed 24-Apr-13 00:13:59

And that's what I don't get Bogey

Children don't clutch their hearts and crumple to the floor because another adult has told them not to be silly or some such other comment.

It bothered the OP enough to think about it after the event, so she should have simply mentioned it.

Even if she laughed as she made a comment to the child.

AprilAndFrank Wed 24-Apr-13 00:19:20

No I'm not going to say anything to them for the exact reason that Bogey said.

I would feel like I was openly criticisng her child, which I wouldn't appreciate the other way around.

Bogeyface Wed 24-Apr-13 00:59:57

The children dont but the mother might. I have a friend that will bitch herself stupid about other peoples kids but if anyone dares say a word about her little shits darlings then she goes orbital!

SpanishFly Wed 24-Apr-13 06:22:27

worra i get your point - she's 11 and should know better. I'm sure the OP could have said, while laughing a bit, "Oh, thats not nice!" or something, to at least acknoledge something horrible was said.
Although I also understand the OP not getting involved as neither child was hers.

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