Feeling very fragile. Suffered a bit over the last 11 years: pnd has lingered in the form of anxiety/panic attacks and depression occasionally. Came to a head last February with a melt down and 6 weeks off work. I am a midwife with two primary age children and my husband works a two hour each way commute away which involves frequent overnights because of the job and to save petrol.
I have been a mw for 15 years and am finding things quite hard: the stress of the role is really getting to me now, exacerbated by falling staffing levels and worsening conditions. I have had enough of shift working. I detest nights (have posted before) and am fed up of working weekends and public hols when my other half is off. Our family and social life has been wrecked because of this. We juggle the childcare as there are no other options for arranging it around my shifts (have to leave at 630am for an early and don't get home til 945pm on a late.) I am part time but the demands are high.
I am tearful, anxious and nauseous before a shift and whilst I care deeply for the women, my heart's not in it if that makes sense? It's just too hard. Mws have to be tough and I am not any more.
I just want to run - spend quality time with my kids, be there to support OH while he is driving miles and working hard and alleviate some of the load off him. I have applied for HV training but won't find out for a couple of weeks. The money isn't a huge issue. My salary has provided the comfort cushion so we would have to adjust spending a bit.
I feel I am throwing my expertise away and that I am an epic fail cos I can't cope being a mum who works shifts. However, the emotional effects are taking a physical toll and I know I could crack shortly if I continue.
There are no opportunities in midwifery where shifts aren't involved, cos of the nature of the job.
Such a failure.
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I am a failure, aren't I?
49 replies
MrsPatrickDempsey · 20/04/2013 20:39
OP posts:
everlong ·
20/04/2013 20:48
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zukiecat ·
20/04/2013 20:53
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