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Negativity regarding nursery

(30 Posts)
Bunraku Wed 17-Apr-13 12:37:51

I'm a SAHM and my 2yo seems bored with spending his days with mummy.
I've noticed when we are walking around the supermarket and he sees other children he becomes excited and reaches out for them. He doesn't speak much but he is visibly happy to see children and it makes me feel a bit sad because although he is quite happy to be alone or with me or daddy or the dogs perhaps human friends of his own age would benefit him and break up his week a little bit.

I also feel that a couple of half days in nursery could enhance his struggling speech and teach him how to play nicely with other children and share ect and I could even fit a little bit of care work in while he is there, so I asked around asking if anyone could recommend anywhere but my relatives and friends gave me various versions of "it is a waste of money, it's pointless and lazy to send him there when you can be a SAHM, nurseries are crap." etc.

I'm a first time parent so I don't know if it's one of those things you are positive that you need and then it's pointless so I'm looking for opinions.

AIBU and "wasting money" or are they ABU to be so negative?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Wed 17-Apr-13 12:39:54

I think a couple of sessions will do him the world of good. Give it a go and see if he likes it. Don't listen to what other people say, if you know it is right for him...and you...then go for it smile

squeakytoy Wed 17-Apr-13 12:41:03

I was an only child, my mum was a SAHM.. I went to nursery a couple of times a week before I started school. I loved it, and I am sure my mum enjoyed having a few hours break from a toddler too.

Of course it isnt a waste of money! It helps your child to develop their social skills, and give them independence ready for starting school.

They certainly are being unreasonable to be so negative.

5Foot5 Wed 17-Apr-13 12:42:25

Is there a playgroup or something you could take him to so that he gets a chance to interact with other children? Nurseries are quite costly and if you are SAHM it might b more difficult to afford them. Though I guess it won't be that long until he will qualify for a free nursery place is it?

BTW your friends are spouting rubbish. There are many excellent nurseries.

ImAlpharius Wed 17-Apr-13 12:43:10

If you want to do it and you think you will both benefit do it.

If you could use the money better else where and still want your 2yo socialising stay and play sessions or playgroups may be a better option.

tumbletumble Wed 17-Apr-13 12:44:05

Nothing wrong with a couple of half days in nursery, or alternatively how about a toddler group so he benefits from interacting with other children but you stay with him to start with? Or music class or similar.

DragonMamma Wed 17-Apr-13 12:44:25

I'm in the same boat although my DS does have an older DD to play with when school finishes.

He'll be going to a nursery attached to school from September, when he will be 2y4mo and I can't wait. We both need it now. And I don't feel any guilt, I've done my bit of child rearing over almost 6 yrs, I need some kind of regular break.

fromparistoberlin Wed 17-Apr-13 12:45:17

who not look for an ofsted registered prep school playgroup? they are more education focussed than childcare focussed

mine costs 10 per session, and thats west london. where are you based?

StanleyLambchop Wed 17-Apr-13 12:46:29

I was a SAHM and I sent mine to nursery- more for their benefit than mine, to learn to socialise and to get used to being away from me as practice for when school started. I must admit I enjoyed having a few hours to myself as well, so it really was win/win. Don't be put off if you think he would benefit.

Ionasky Wed 17-Apr-13 12:47:47

My dd is an only child and loves going to nursery. She doesn't always interact with other kids a lot but she loves watching older kids do things (she is 2.5). She also enjoys attention from other adults and they do lots of different activities. Playgroup are good for this too but in general, if you are able to afford it or could finance it through some care shifts it could do you both good. Your family etc are being overly opinionated, IMO smile you know your child best. You can always discontinue it if not working out.

TiredFeet Wed 17-Apr-13 12:49:12

I think it would be good for him if you can afford it and can find a nursery you are happy with. DS is 2.5 and his nursery is brilliant and does so many activities I wouldn't even think of doing at home (I'm not at all creative) plus he just gets lots of time to play and interact with other children. When we were on holiday over Christmas he told me he was missing his friends at nursery. I think it has been really good for him to socialise and do different activities. We go to toddler groups on the days I'm at home but I find he doesn't socialise in the same way, he will play a bit with friends but it isn't the same kind of friendship

Finola1step Wed 17-Apr-13 12:52:40

If you live in England, then your child will be entitled to 15 hours free nursery from their third birthday (if cost is a major factor now). It is also worth checking out if your area offers free nursery for two year olds (will be based in criteria such as eligibility for free school meals etc). Your local children's centre should be able to advise you.

EugenesAxe Wed 17-Apr-13 12:56:41

YANBU in my opinion.

Trying to look objectively but with reference to what I know about; my DS goes to a Montessori pre-school that runs 9-3pm. Thinking about some of their ethics (letting children choose the learning tasks that interest them, nurturing, teaching respect of others & basics of self-care) and the fact that the hours alone do not make this a practical childcare setting, you could argue that they primarily exist for the child's benefit, ie. they are not there to help out parents that have to work.

They take children from age 2. I think a half day session at this age would not be inappropriate and as squeaky says will develop him for school, when the time comes.

highlandbird Wed 17-Apr-13 13:00:40

My DS has just turned two, and started nursery two mornings a week a couple of weeks ago, partly because we're due another baby (last week!) so to give me a wee break but mostly so he can socialise, we live in the middle of nowhere, I do think he gets bored at home with me all the time and he is absolutely loving it so far, we took him twice for a 'visit' first and stayed with him but first time we left he never looked back. Depends what sort of personality whether you think he'll get distressed at being left?
We also go to playgroup which DS loves and is great for me meeting other mums but is only on once a week.
If you can afford it and think he'd enjoy it I'd say go for it, we're lucky ours is only £2.80 per hour, and for four hours a week that's affordable for us. Good luck!

highlandbird Wed 17-Apr-13 13:02:03

Oh and YANBU obviously, think this is the first time I've posted anything on an AIBU too scared normally!!

spiderlight Wed 17-Apr-13 13:04:33

I could have written your post. We started our DS at our fab local nursery two mornings a week when he was 2 1/2 and he loved it. His confidence and social skills blossomed and they did things with him that I'd never have thought of! He also made several good friends who moved up to Big School with him last year and it really eased the transition. Go and see a few local nurseries and see how you feel about them.

rumbelina Wed 17-Apr-13 13:06:07

My DS loves nursery more than home. He hides under the benches or in the cupboards to stop me taking him home. He asks to go on weekends and days off.

Try and find recommendations in your area as they can vary. Ours was recommended by friends and the staff are brilliant.

Bunraku Wed 17-Apr-13 13:08:41

Money isn't an issue since my DH has a good job, so finding the funds isn't a problem, the only reason my family member is complaining to me about money is that she is struggling a bit herself at the moment so I can understand that it probably seems a bit wasteful but I think it's important. It's just the negativity that is baffling me.

I live in Leicester. My son just seems so excited to see kids and I admit I've been a bad mummy because I went to a toddler group just the once when my son was around 1 and it was my idea of hell so I never went to that or anything like it again.

I'm not very confident in person and I don't have any friends so it seemed to me like everyone was really cliquey and I felt a bit like people were staring. I know they aren't all like this and it's probably me being silly but the one I can get to is uncomfortable for me.

At that time my son was very shy and clingy but he seems to have opened up and be ready to make little friends. He doesn't bat an eyelid to going to other adults even if he hasn't met them before and I leave him alone so luckily for me I won't have to stay. I think he will enjoy it but I was just worried that if my friends and family think I'm silly then the nursery staff might too so thanks for all your posts, I will call now and see if I can pop in for a look smile

megsmouse Wed 17-Apr-13 13:12:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

birdofthenorth Wed 17-Apr-13 13:13:29

DD is 2 and lives her two days at nursery more than anything, and it has really helped with her language, counting, role play, social skills etc. MIL thought it was an outrageous decision on my part (my work is mostly from home so I could do most if it after she's in bed etc instead) but happily admits she was wrong now.

It will be free at 3 but she is learning south now I have no regrets despite the painful damage to the bank balance. DNephew didn't start til 3 and was climbing the walls by then.

Get a nursery you are happy with though -I looked round 8! You will know what dirt if environment is right for your DS.

megsmouse Wed 17-Apr-13 13:13:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

birdofthenorth Wed 17-Apr-13 13:14:56

Terrible typos sorry!

juneau Wed 17-Apr-13 13:21:21

I started both my DSs at nursery at around two. DS2 just started this month (he will be two in May), and he's loving it, now that's he's settled in. He's doing two sessions a week and when he's three he'll do three sessions per week, like his brother did.

DS1 benefited hugely from nursery. He was an only child until he was three and I felt he needed the social contact and once he started I could see that I was right on this. He always enjoyed nursery and got a lot out of it. He was a bit shy as a small child, but nursery helped him to become a sociable a little boy who couldn't wait to start school. The transition from nursery to school was particularly smooth because of his experience at attending a school-like setting already and because the staff prepare the DC for months beforehand and get them excited about going to 'big school'.

Go and visit nurseries locally and please don't let others' prejudices put you off. Some nurseries are better or nicer than others, but my experience has been really positive. You could also check out child-minders if you prefer a smaller group for your DC. However, they'll get a bigger group of DC to choose their friends from at nursery, which might be better. A CM will only have four or five, I think.

Runwayqueen Wed 17-Apr-13 13:29:43

I wasn't going to send my dd to nursery, but unexpectedly became a lone parents. So now dd (2.10) goes to nursery one day a week to enable me to work and has done since she was 17 months. It's been the absolute making of her smile she is developing beautifully and is far more sociable than I ever was.

If you can afford to do it, then do try it

nannynick Wed 17-Apr-13 13:33:04

2 year old I care for goes to pre-school two mornings a week, has improved her speech and independence. Visit some local pre-schools and see what they are like, they may have a waiting list.

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