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husband refuses sex - do i leave?

(11 Posts)
sexpls Sat 13-Apr-13 22:01:59

I had arranged marriage n sex,was not wild. Have Bern together for 16 years and have two kids, 14 n 9 yrs old.I have sex drive and since 2007 sex life been going bad to worse but few years have slept seperate , since he said never had connection, delayed ejaculation, so did not climax inside me, only stimulated.
Hr refused to intimacy.
Since I feel this is wrong impression to kids with us not hugging or sharing room, told him to divorce.
Financialstufg is not promising though I work.

Kids have formed a bond with him n go holidays alone too on my institense . I can't handle holiday with no contact with him.

Now kids show enthu staying half time with him for comforts.

I am wondering if staying in sexless marriage with it being long term, expected?

He is 42. And had delayed ejaculation from start, but no sex at Alk is bothersome for me. Can't use vibratiors life long . I am 38.,

Please advice am I being u.reasonable

Buzzardbird Sun 14-Apr-13 00:03:39

No, you are not but I am sorry, I don't understand most of your post.

ToothGah Sun 14-Apr-13 00:06:56

I understood your post OP.

Might be best to ask MNHQ to move your post to Relationships.

Only you can decide if you want to stay in your marriage. I hope people with more advice are along soon.

Scheherezade Sun 14-Apr-13 00:27:57

Buzzard- if OP has an arranged marriage I suspect English isn't her first language.

GlitterySkulls Sun 14-Apr-13 01:31:48

you're not being unreasonable, if you want to leave, do you have the means to do so?

musicposy Sun 14-Apr-13 02:32:04

I don't think a sexless marriage is expected long term, no. It might be a bit less at times but I've been with my husband over 20 years (we are both older than you and your husband) and we still have plenty of sex.

Only you can decide if you can put up with this long term. Are you able to leave if you want to? Can you make an appointment with citizens advice bureau and talk through your options?

Buzzardbird Sun 14-Apr-13 06:05:55

Ok, have re-read. Sorry was tired last night. This should be moved to relationships as there are some really good posters on there that seem to know all the organizations for getting help. Obviously the sex issues can be dealt with easier than the lack of intimacy can be but I do know (family members) who have left arranged marriages after 20 odd years and have re-married (either for love or another arranged) and have managed to keep things civil for the children. You do not have to live the rest of your life like this if there is nothing between you.
If you want something different for your children then you have to change something. Good luck op

SoulTrain Sun 14-Apr-13 06:10:11

I think the lack of sex is bad enough but no intimacy at all is worse. Does he make you laugh at all? What are the good things about your marriage?

maddening Sun 14-Apr-13 06:13:48

It sounds like you'd both be happier appart tbh.

Have you spoken to your husband about separation? What was his response?

LimitedEditionLady Sun 14-Apr-13 08:38:22

hi,i think you're missing the point here.you aren't happy.even if you did have sex with your husband what would it matter if you seemingly arent happy in this relationship?if he says he never had a connection that is really sad but maybe this should tell you that although your children clearly love their mum and dad maybe mum and dad dont have the right love to be in a relationship outside of being parents.your children can still get some good from seeing that you can still be parents but not together.dont be unhappy any longer,its not wrong to say ok this isnt going to work

Branleuse Sun 14-Apr-13 08:41:01

I think you should try and make plans to leave

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