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To clip DS's wings after yesterday's "issue"

(81 Posts)
topbannana Tue 09-Apr-13 17:00:01

So DS got lost yesterday. Not a bit lost, a whole lot lost sad
We had gone to a local Forestry Commission site where there is a 7 mile cycle trail but on arrival it transpired my bike had a puncture and I am shit with the spoony tool and rubber plasters Therefore I walked with the dog while DS (9 in a couple of weeks) cycled. He was instructed to follow the numbered yellow posts, not to leave the track unless he was sure it was the correct route and to return regularly. Unfortunately he took it into his head to surprise me by doing the whole circuit and returning behind me hmm
I came to a slightly ambiguous fork in the path so waited for him to return, which he did not. Eventually I had to get the FC man to help me. After an hour (a whole fecking hour!!!) he was returned to me in the back of a pick up truck. He was a bit tearful but maintained that he was not lost as "he knew where he was" (true but not really the point of the conversation hmm) I was so relieved that I did not punish the complete disregard for important instructions.
Today he wanted to go up to the fields behind our cottage. This activity also comes with a similar set of rules, all of which have been adhered to in the past. Today though I would not allow him to go, partly as a consequence of yesterday and partly because I am still a little shaken and don't think my nerves would cope with it.
He is incandescent about it and has spent all day moaning about the unfairness of it all and how he is "bored"
AIBU to do this? He WAS worried yesterday so it's not like his escapade left him untouched. I just feel he needs a little reminder of his foolishness but not to make it into a big deal.

MummytoKatie Tue 09-Apr-13 19:56:45

The problem with not allowing a 12 year old any freedom is that at 18 they need to have the skills that will enable them to look after themselves completely. (I left for university 5 weeks after my 18th.)

They start their lives as completely dependent babies. We have 18 years to make them independent adults. If you are not starting that process until 15 or 16 then it will be a pretty sharp learning curve.

stealthsquiggle Tue 09-Apr-13 20:00:31

shock at Bengal. I accept (sort of) that it may be the norm in some places but I honestly think that you are setting yourselves up for major teenage rebellion. I clearly remember when I was a teenager that the ones with over protective /controlling parents were the ones habitually telling massive lies about where they were and who with - something which even at the time I knew to be stupid and dangerous.

OP I would have done the same. In fact, I may take my DC to our local forestry centre before the end of their holidays - 10yo DS can go off (with suitable time-based rendezvous agreed) and 6yo DD can practice closer to me.

quoteunquote Tue 09-Apr-13 20:06:24

Go to running deer, your children will thank you.

mummymeister Tue 09-Apr-13 20:08:45

You have both had a bit of a shock. you because you realise that perhaps it wasnt wise to let him go off on his own and that the two of you should have stuck together and him because he now knows how it feels to be on your own and a bit scared. give it a couple of days for you both to calm down and see it in perspective and then have a long chat about it. personally i would not have done this with a 9 yr old but then he isnt mine and I dont know what kind of person he is so cant judge.

WallyBantersJunkBox Tue 09-Apr-13 20:09:53

I have to say in Uni, the kids who'd gone to Boarding School or who had more independance just seemed to knuckle down and get on with work whilst still enjoying the social scene.

The girls I went to school with who were controlled (quite cruelly IMO) by their folks just went crazy. One girl spent her days drinking herself into oblivion and running up a huge overdraft, missing lectures and sleeping off a hangover. I went to stay with her and was so shocked. As the other students didn't really know her background they found it hysterical and egged her on.

She was finally testing the boundaries but there was no one there to catch her.

macdoodle Tue 09-Apr-13 20:42:14

Bengal - you are hysterical, your DC are going to have serious problems, I think you are the one that needs parenting lessons, on how to cut the apron strings.
My 11/12 yr old DD and her friends are almost feral, they roam the streets in packs till teatime. She is happy, outgoing and confident, with a lovely freckly face from being outside. Slim healthy and sensible. Just the childhood I wish I had. I grew up in South Africa so it really was dangerous to play out alone.

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