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I know I'm being daft but am upset and feel like I'm back at school

(12 Posts)
Madeupnamex Wed 03-Apr-13 17:34:07

Basically out of our antenatal group 3 of the woman I've been staying in contact with are meeting up I've been invited but only because I have tried to arrange another meet up and as an afterthought one of them has said we're already meeting up- why don't you come.
I feel a bit meh about it really which I know is daft they don't have to invite me every time they meet up.
Thought these insecurities had gone since I had my ds 4 months ago

Madeupnamex Wed 03-Apr-13 17:34:54

Btw it's an Nct group of 6 so it wasn't like everyone else was going iyswim

kinkyfuckery Wed 03-Apr-13 17:36:41

You really are going to have to toughen up, I'm afraid. Groups of people rarely work. It is natural for people to separate into pairs or smaller groups. There's a group of four of us at nursery that socialise together, but more often than not, we work best as two pairs.
Do you have other friends outwith these mums?

Madeupnamex Wed 03-Apr-13 17:39:10

Yes other friends and other mum friends but its just as my ds is a similar age to their babies and my friends kids are toddlers or older. I haven't been going to other groups yet and think your right I need to toughen up!

CuppaTea83 Wed 03-Apr-13 17:46:11

Try not to take it to heart if this is a first occasion. They could have genuinely just forgot or thought somebody else had invited you kind of thing.
If it happens again, maybe they aren't really the kind of people you want to socialise with.

poozlepants Wed 03-Apr-13 17:57:56

This happened to me as well and I was surprised I felt so upset. It was instigated by one person who basically wanted her own clique and that didn't include me and a couple of others. Rejection hurts at any age. If it keeps happening move on and find someone you do like.

OnwardBound Wed 03-Apr-13 18:16:16

I agree that you mustn't take it to heart! Otherwise you will feel dejected and suspicious of them and won't enjoy the companionship they are able to offer.

I know how it is to feel 'left out' or 'not as popular' as others in a group. But I realise that a lot of this is a hang up from high school and I have to have a serious talking to myself when I begin to feel little and insignificant.

I then focus on having a nice chat and some company whilst doing childcare and really my NCT pals were a lifeline, especially when DS1 was very tiny and I felt completely out of my depth.

I think what you will find is that these meet ups are often pretty random anyway. So a couple will be chatting and suggest meeting up. Then one of them runs into another at a shop and mentions the meet up and on it goes.

And don't forget that you will probably all be suffering with baby brain to some degree or another so the group won't be the most organised in arranging meet ups with military precision and checking RSVPs etc.

I'm not belittling how you feel, really, but just do try and enjoy the group for what it is.

However if they seem to 'accidently' leave you out on a regular basis then they are probably not the sort of women you want to socialise with anyway. But don't worry too much if that is the case, there are plenty of other Mums you will meet through various baby activities and groups and you are bound to find someone you click with!

JambalayaCodfishPie Wed 03-Apr-13 18:22:41

Don't take it to heart, my NCT group of 8, they all have mini groups who meet up more regularly, because of locality or interests. I myself regularly meet up with the one closest to me because we both work in schools now we're off mat leave and can have a vent. grin

Aside from that, I now only see the other mums on nights out. TBH, the competitiveness got on top of me, so I prefer it baby-free.

Finola1step Wed 03-Apr-13 18:35:26

I lost count how many times I was told how important my NCT friends would become, how they could be friends for life yadda, yadda.

I had the same as you OP. After about four months, I began to realise how often two of the group met up, how I was only invited along sometimes and how one other was never invited.

It reminds me of a sketch by John Bishop. He talks about how artificial meeting people through your kids can be. Especially when as in an NCT group, the only thing you all truly have in common is that you all had sex about the same time (and therefore similar due dates).

The only answer to this is to go to baby groups, be friendly etc and accept that most of the mums you will meet will become acquaintances and only a very few will become friends. Such new friends are probably people you would have liked anyway, regardless of children. All the best.

Madeupnamex Wed 03-Apr-13 20:27:20

Thanks all think I've taking it too personal-I'm going to go and if it happens again then I'll know where I stand

BreasticlesNTesticles Wed 03-Apr-13 20:37:55

I am good friends with 4 of my NCT group, our dc's are 4 now, and see the others on nights out.

However tomorrow I have just asked one of my friends if they want to do something as it seems ahassle to organise something for everyone. Other times I will ask everyone round for tea and cream cakes and have a housefull. It just depends on what else is going on.

I think they fact they asked you when you mentioned it is a good sign, and they just hadn't wanted to orgaise a whole group outing.

Good friendships do take time to grow.

MiniEggsJumpedInMyBasket Wed 03-Apr-13 21:30:58

I would give them the benefit of the doubt for now, and assume they forgot to ask you. Go along and meet up with them, and see how it goes.

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