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to think that future MIL doesn't like me already

(20 Posts)
holstenlips Sun 31-Mar-13 22:22:49

Here are my reasons:
She without fail talks A LOT about dps ex and her kids when we visit
Today she said " have you got a tattoo??!! " with a chewing a wasp face. Then said sorry but they are tacky and I hate them.
She arranged to have photos done of us all and im pretty sure that she wants my tattoo wiped out :-(
When she saw my engagement ring today she said " ohh thats the one DPs ex wanted" Its a very unusual choice for an engagement ring so im thinking thats a bit ??
Sigh. Ps I really like her though.

PenguinBear Sun 31-Mar-13 22:29:22

She might just be coming to terms with things. If she hope DP would marry his ex, I expect she's just adjusting to things being different and probably trying to push your buttons to make sure you really love her DS as much as she does ( standard MIL behaviour). Don't take it personally, sounds like she would be the same with anyone who wasn't his ex.

CocacolaMum Sun 31-Mar-13 22:46:04

My ex MIL used to call me by my DH's exes name... we were together 3 years and I don't think she used my name more than once.

some MILs are just mad as a box of frogs.. Not my MIL now though, I love her to bits and she has never forgotten my name, lol

randomtask Sun 31-Mar-13 23:01:43

She probably isn't thinking.

My MIL spent a couple of years talking about DH's first DW but I think she thought it would make the situation more 'relaxed' that it wasn't hidden plus I honestly don't think she realises I have emotions (DH's first DW died leaving him & DS1). I know every detail of their life together including wedding plans/stories, moving in together, birth of DS1 & lots of funny stories-all from MIL, DH'S first IL's were/are much more sensitive. It did wear off in the end, just used to rant at DH after it had happened. Do actually think she likes me & from what DH says, more than his first DW.

Ignore it & it will go away-if nothing else she will run out of untold stories/information!

holstenlips Sun 31-Mar-13 23:16:30

Thanks im probably being over sensitive after all, they spent many years as a ' family' just never got married.
She is a lovely lady and I just want her to like me. Dp says she does.
I need to take it on the chin really.

DoJo Mon 01-Apr-13 00:20:09

Perhaps she was disappointed that he didn't marry her, but it doesn't mean she doesn't like you, just that she hasn't built up the same kind of enthusiasm about you yet...

Pigsmummy Mon 01-Apr-13 13:11:50

Not everyone likes tattoos it doesn't mean that she doesn't like you? Try to keep an open mind as if you keep thinking that she doesn't like you it will affect your behaviour.

holstenlips Mon 01-Apr-13 13:51:08

Hmm yeah I appreciate that tattoos are not to everyone's liking. I think it was just a bit of a blow to have that reaction. We were celebrating our engagement :-(
Even then she was on about her visit to dps ex place and how welcome she made her and her lovely dinner :-(
Im sorry, feel right fed up today.

WaterfallsOver Mon 01-Apr-13 13:58:43

Yanbu, sounds like she doesn't like you and she likes the ex.

kinkyfuckery Mon 01-Apr-13 14:22:18

Have you been with him long? How long was he with / has he been split from his ex?

Nanny0gg Mon 01-Apr-13 14:33:53

Does he have children with the Ex?

attheendoftheday Mon 01-Apr-13 15:08:41

My mil is a little bit like this. It's not that she dislikes me per se, just that she really liked dp's ex. I try to see it to her credit that she's never directly said that she wishes he was still with her. I just think she finds it a bit difficult that dp's first marriage didn't work out, and that he's now with someone who doesn't have as much in common with her as dp's ex did.

Welovegrapes Mon 01-Apr-13 15:12:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

holstenlips Mon 01-Apr-13 15:25:40

They were together 9 years no kids together.
Ex was always very argumentative by all accounts and has caused us no end of problems including at work
Anyway, we have been dating a year. We got engaged because we cant live together presently due to schools/houses in different areas
So we are making a commitment but not rushing into marriage.
I think it may just be she blurts out stuff (Ican be a bit like this)

Fluffycloudland77 Mon 01-Apr-13 15:34:14

My dgm did this to my mum. She didn't like df's first wife when thy were married.

Obviously she had no one to slag her off to at the time though.

IfNotNowThenWhen Tue 02-Apr-13 12:22:08

Yeah,she might not like you. Does it matter all that much? I dont care whether peripheral people in my life like me. Only that they respect me.
I think women spend far too much tine worrying over whether people like them or not.

holstenlips Tue 02-Apr-13 12:45:37

Tbh my own mum and I are not close so that doesnt worry me. But my dp and his mum are really close so I feel like I need her approval to some extent.
My son was there and he said she was very rude (ds is 18) but dp says dont worry its just her turn of phrase. Her expression (cats bum and horrified) is etched on my brain! My tattoo was only just visible, like a 1cm of it. And its a flower. I reckon she will soon be slagging me off to dps ex! Gah.

Gigondas Tue 02-Apr-13 13:04:31

Aw holsten lips - congrats on engagement grin

Take no notice- my mil spent ages making pointed comments about dh ex and leaving wedding photos out obviously despite fact had never got on well with her and dh had very a acrimonious split so was hardly tactful to him.

It's your dp that matters not his il.

FariesDoExist Tue 02-Apr-13 16:06:51

She's being tactless at best, otherwise rude. I'd try to ignore the comments but only to an extent, i.e. don't put up with years of her thinking she can be rude to you. Next time she makes a comment, let her know you're offended.

holstenlips Wed 03-Apr-13 12:31:47

Thanks Gigs and hello hope you are doing ok x yes I suppose I should stand up for myself with her Fairies. I wasnt flaunting my tattoo it was only peeking out of a sleeve! The ring thing got me...she must have said that purely as a dig!!

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