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To tell my DSis to sort it out herself?

(11 Posts)
dramajustfollowsme Thu 28-Mar-13 09:05:58

Back story: my DSis is 11years younger than me and since both our parents have passed away I'm much more like a surrogate mum than a big sister. I always have and always will look out for her. She lived with us rent free whilst finishing her degree. I even proof-read an essay for her whilst I was in labour.
She has a good job and a flat of her own now and is very much independent generally.
I have been struggling this last couple of weeks with DH and our DCs all getting the flu, trying to get lots of work done and help DSis with job applications as her current temporary post ends soon.
I have now also got chest & throat infections.
DSis sent me an email with her application - I thought I would be more or less just proof-reading it for punctuation and grammar. It was only half written. I phoned her, thinking it had sent wrongly. Apparently that was as much as she had done. I said she could come round to work on it with me - she said she was busy every night. Could I pop round to her after my work? I said no.
I proof-read what was written and put in some headings as suggestions and sent it back to her.
She finished it according to my suggestions and I proof-read that too.
By this point, I was now ill in bed with an ill toddler to look after too.
I've heard nothing for a couple of days so presumed everything was fine.
She has just phoned to say that she has realised it is 1000 characters too long. She wants me to cut it and email it other again by lunchtime.
She got stroppy when I said that would be difficult and to do it herself. Tbh, it is all I can do to get up and put a DVD on for DD - I feel so awful.
I always try my best to help her but I think she is taking the piss.

DiscoDonkey Thu 28-Mar-13 09:08:13

She is taking the piss, tell her to grow up.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 28-Mar-13 09:08:24

she is. But you're letting her.

It's time to tell her to stand on her own two feet.

This will mean she will be very cross with you, because she has come to believe that you have to sort everything out for her. But you'll be doing her a huge favour in the long term. The short term price you will have to pay is a full on strop and sulk.

frogspoon Thu 28-Mar-13 09:12:11

Well, seeing as you proof-read an essay for her whilst you were in labour, it is not exactly unsurprising that she expects you to drop everything and edit her application when you're not feeling well.

YANBU, but she is probably stroppy because she is stressed and worried about the possible prospect of being unemployed, as she is usually independent and has a flat to think about.

Suggest to her that she edits it herself, then runs it by you for a final read through, just to check for any major mistakes (if you're feeling up to it that is)

Montybojangles Thu 28-Mar-13 09:13:46

Um, surrogate mum? Sounds more like PA or personal slave! I understand it's awful you have both lost your parents and it's lovely to support each other, but she is taking the piss (and being very selfish and lazy). I think you need to be a little more assertive and a little less helpful whilst still being there for her.
YANBU to tell her to sort her own life out and learn better time management. Checking it for mistakes is one thing, expecting you to be writing/editing it is a cheek.
Hope you all feel better soon, nothing worse than looking after poorly dcs while feeling crap yourself.

wineandroses Thu 28-Mar-13 09:13:58

Yes she is taking the piss, and being pretty ungrateful, frankly.

You need to start encouraging her to stand on her own two feet, and to take responsibility for her own life and not rely on you to do her work for her. She's being very lazy.

dramajustfollowsme Thu 28-Mar-13 09:22:02

I've been gently making her do things for herself, letting her make her own mistakes.
She was a proper stroppy teenager when mum became ill and has come along way since then. However days like today show me that she still has a long to go.
Mum did so much far too much for us. I started off trying to just do what mum would have done. I'm in awe of my mother, not sure how she fitted everything in.
Sometimes I feel she needs reminding that I lost our parents too, not just her.

Icelollycraving Thu 28-Mar-13 09:34:44

You need to stop enabling this pisstaking behaviour. You sound lovely but take a moment for yourself thanks

MrsKoala Thu 28-Mar-13 09:43:45

People start to become expectant of things like this. I have a friend who hates his job but has never made an effort to leave. He constantly moaned about it so i said i would help. I sorted his cv, started doing job searches and forwarding him possibilities. He then asked me to proof some applications. I did (they were awful, it was clear he had spent little time and effort) and sent them back. One i re-wrote entirely and spent 2 days on (while he went to the pub). I sent it back to him. Then a few weeks later i asked if he'd heard back and he just nonchalantly said 'nah, i forgot to send it in'. I was furious i'd wasted my time. But then i realised i was more cross with myself. Anyway, now when he sends me something to proof i just either send it back saying it looks fine or that i am too busy. He still moans constantly about his job but he will never leave because he can't be bothered to apply to anything else.

I would just push it back to her and say you are ill or busy and that if she wants the job she must be driven enough to do the application herself - if she can't do that at least how will she be able to do the job if she got it?

PurplePidjin Thu 28-Mar-13 09:49:48

You're not helping her. You're enabling her to remain a stroppy child.

She's, what, 23? 24? Why the fuck isn't she in your house bringing you hot lemon and cold flannels like a caring sister and aunt?!

doorbellringer Thu 28-Mar-13 10:48:42

Exactly what I was thinking purplepidjin.

Also op why can't to tell her you are really ill and ask her to come and help out a little. You will know her priorities by her answer. Which I'm guessing will be food for thought.

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