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that I want to hurt my 'D'H!!!????

(20 Posts)
butterandbread157 Tue 26-Mar-13 10:34:40

After months of DD1 waking in night to get into our bed I thought I had cracked the habit (on my own). However, DD1 figured out quickly that DH lets her in his side. After many arguements of how we need to do the same thing etc, he still refuses to put her back to bed. (co-sleeping doesnt' work for me as I end up out the bed and punched and kicked by her!)
He has slowly started to put her back now, but only sometimes and she kicks up a fuss waking DD2 in the process!! I don't blame her, she's getting confused and mixed messages but I feel I'm getting no where with DH.
I haven't had undisturbed sleep in such a long time and each time she wakes and he doesn't put her back I get angrier.
For example I've been awake since 3am today as I was too angry to get back to sleep.

I'm probably over reacting but I'm sleep deprived and feel unsupported.
There are some other issues with DH not being supportive but I could write a book!!
My own father just says that's what kids do.
I need suggestions to sort the sleep thing out!

Possibly going to suggest seperate beds for us then he can let her in and I can get some sleep???

HeySoulSister Tue 26-Mar-13 10:49:14

Yabu to want to 'hurt' him!!

YouTheCat Tue 26-Mar-13 10:51:10

Compromise and tell him weekends only and if he lets her in his side then he has to get up with the kids, leaving you to have a lie in.

How old are the kids?

hellsbellsmelons Tue 26-Mar-13 10:52:37

Yep - I'd go with the separate beds myself.
Get some sleep and let him deal with it.
If there are other things as well though, I'd probably write a list and sit down and talk to him!!!

I feel your pain. My 10 yo is a dreadful sleeper and always has been. DH and I have never been able to agree on a way to crack this and therefore it is still a bloody nightmare. I leave him to it, DH will go and lay with him. I get annoyed and tell him to go to sleep, DH will go and lay with him.

It got so uncomfortable I went out and bought him (DS) a small double bed so at least whoever is sleeping with him has enough room!!

I can get DS to go to sleep but he wakes up in the night....a lot.....I don;t know what to do either!!

Nothing works though if you can't agree together on a strategy and back each other up - hope you get sorted. Will be watching this with interest.

cantspel Tue 26-Mar-13 10:53:42

If this was a man posting he would be told to go sleep on the sofa.

Poppet48 Tue 26-Mar-13 10:54:16

I'm sure the to want to 'hurt' him was said out of anger rather than factual.

Tell your DH that he needs to support you and if he does choose to go behind your back with the children he can get up with them in the mornings so you can sleep.

butterandbread157 Tue 26-Mar-13 11:02:53

thanks, DC are 3.5 and 1.5 and share a room so not ideal when DD1 kicks off.
It is more anger and I don't really want to 'hurt' him, I just feel really let down by him.

I have always been the 'bad cop' when it comes to discipline and it's always 'cos mummy says so' which I hate! it should be because that's the rule, end of!

DH is up for work before kids are awake so can't tell him to get up.
We used to take the weekends in turn and have a long lie each but that's not happening at the moment.

Everything is like a competition at the moment... I do this, you dont' do that etc.....which is putting such a strain on the relationship that the not sleeping is just pushing me over the edge!


butterandbread157 Tue 26-Mar-13 11:06:03

I do send him to the sofa sometimes.........DD follows him there too!!!! Even she knows that he is a push over!!

SarahBumBarer Tue 26-Mar-13 11:11:37

I think that separate beds can often be a great idea but I don't think it is a good idea to use this solution instead of being able to reach agreement/compromise.

It is really difficult to have willpower to do the right thing in the middle of the night when you know that just letting DD into bed will mean that you can get back to sleep in 10 minutes or so compared to ages trying to settle her. I'd make a list, have a child free dinner (even if just in your own home) and try and talk it through. And you're right - the "cos mummy said so" is a cop out and he should not be doing/saying that unless he is frustrated because it is always your way or the high-way which is not the impression I get.

SooticaTheWitchesCat Tue 26-Mar-13 11:32:00

I can't help you really, I gave up with trying to get my children to sleep in their own beds years ago as it was obvious I would never get DH to go along with it so we always have one or the other (or both) in our bed every night.

I would buy a bigger bed if I was you and then you can all get a good nights sleep.

Turquoiseblue Tue 26-Mar-13 11:39:22

well after years of sleepless nights - dh would 'sleep' though any disturbance from the kids i started to just leave my bed and hop into what ever bed which ever child had left and have a lovely night s sleep myself.
Worked - dh suddenly started to deal with the kids too (after a few days walking around feeling sorry for himself as his sleep was being disturbed ). new we all sleep in our own beds ;-)

CajaDeLaMemoria Tue 26-Mar-13 11:43:34

Why don't you sleep on the sofa?

Let DH allow her into your bed, if he wants, because you'll be downstairs asleep. And then he can deal with her, and get up with her, and generally look after her when she should be asleep.

It's probably not overly fair to kick him out to the sofa because he's letting your daughter into bed. But he should have to deal with the consequences if he decides that is what he'll do.

butterandbread157 Tue 26-Mar-13 11:59:03

I have been thinking about that CajaDeLaMemoria and I think it has come to that before I do something I regret out of sheer anger!
We are in a flat, on one level, so not as easy to get away from the situation.

I don't think that it would solve the problem in the long run as DD goes straight back to sleep as does DH, I'm such a light sleeper (always one ear listening for DD2) that I can't sleep as easy with her in bed!

I do that Turquoiseblue, however, DD1 in cot bed and I don't fit!!! I end up sleeping on the floor inbetween the 2 of them!! I have also done that a lot recently as I figured I'd get more sleep on the floor than in bed getting kicked!! But I'd rather sleep in a bed!

Other option, is of course, to withdraw any maritial benefits!!!! :P
that might get him to realise I'm serious about the no bed sharing!!!???

Thank you to everyone for replying, just simply writing this and being able to vent has helped me to calm down a little!! xx

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 26-Mar-13 12:03:03

"Possibly going to suggest seperate beds for us then he can let her in and I can get some sleep???"
Well, this will solve your sleep deprivation but nothing else. A short-term solution, but one that may cause new problems. Do you have a spare room you can go to, or would you take DD1's bed? I'd maybe do this for a week to get some sleep, and then revisit the bigger problem and discuss the whole we-need-to-present-a-united-front problem you have with him.

butterandbread157 Tue 26-Mar-13 12:05:41

Agreed WhereYouLeftIt, doesn't solve the problem but i think I need a clear head for any discussions.
don't have a spare room and DD1 is a cot bed and I don't fit! but I have a very comfy sofa which I think I might need to do for a week or so, if DH agrees, as he would have to deal with all wakings as I would close the door!! smile

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 26-Mar-13 12:07:39

Ah, x-posted with you OP. DD1 is 3.5, maybe it's time she had a full-size bed anyway?

butterandbread157 Tue 26-Mar-13 12:14:08

We are a bit short on space at the moment so not an option, she still has plenty of room in it so I don't feel a rush to do that. I'd rather spend on a bigger bed for me!!!!! smile

Turquoiseblue Tue 26-Mar-13 17:39:39

that was my other suggeesstion - get a full sized bed for dd so at least you can get a proper night s sleep in it

butterandbread157 Tue 02-Apr-13 10:52:54

Update- DH has been getting up every time with DD and she is now only getting up 6-6.30....hurray!!! I can live with that smile

(still hoping to get bigger bed for us!!)

Thanks for all your help smile

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