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AIBU?

To have changed my mind about DB looking after DS?

17 replies

SirBoobAlot · 28/02/2013 00:02

Operation on Friday, have CFS along with other health conditions, so that (combined with not knowing what they will actually end up doing...) means I need to plan out childcare for the next two weeks or so, as will take me longer to recover.

Have arranged extra sessions at playschool (they're lovely), and my parents luckily between them are able to cover most of the time he won't be there, or at least mean I won't have him all day. Only time they can't do is Tuesday afternoon.

DM spoke to DB a while back about possibly doing a few hours to help out after the op. He said sure, not a problem. DB is 15, and goes past my house on the school bus home, so suggestion (from DB) was after we'd seen dates of op / shifts that he would get off the bus to come in here for a few hours. He's looked after DS once before for the evening, is very good with him. We lived there for the first year of DS's life, so they're equally fond of each other. (For everything I am about to say, feel I need to also say that my DB is a genuinely good kid, and is a very proud uncle - he showed off photos of DS in the early days more than I did!)

However.

After being suspicious of it for a while, it has become apparent that DB is smoking pot. Not every day, not even regularly, but sometimes. He came home stoned two weeks ago. My DM only told me this last night. I was really surprised to hear it (especially as he's currently taking part in a medical trial that he was bloody lucky to get a place on, and one of the side effects of the medication is it slowing down your heart rate). She thinks he is doing it on a certain place, is pretty certain that he is not doing it on school grounds as they are quite hot on smoking etc, though says she wouldn't know if he was doing it on the way to / from school as he could be getting off the bus early, though again, the school have a fantastic system on lateness. I then said to DM that if that's the case, I feel a bit odd about having DB looking after DS, even if I'm sleeping in the next room.

I've tried pot, I'm not particularly scared of it, but feel uncomfortable knowing that he could be stoned whilst around DS. Also, his moods have been pretty erratic, and although he has never shouted at DS, he has shouted in front of him.

But when I said this to DM, she got angry with me, saying that DB doesn't need another bollocking, and how dare I suggest that he would ever do it around DS (which isn't what I said at all, just that I'd feel odd having DB looking after him if there was any chance he was stoned / suffering side effects).

I'm now more concerned about not pissing off my mum, or causing more issues for my brother (my mum did mention that part of him smoking weed in the first place was probably my fault, because of my health issues) if he's already struggling enough to turn to drugs. I will probably (hopefully) be reasonably okay again by Tuesday, and have a few friends I could ask if needed.

Sorry for the long post... Bit unsure about this.

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oscarwilde · 28/02/2013 00:15

Yanbu, I would talk to your brother directly though. Treat him as an adult (you are after all asking him to take care of your child)and if you are not convinced then ask someone else