To not know what to do with myself?

[EricNorthmansFangBanger]

I'm 6 days post ELCS and have a beautiful new baby boy (DC3) to look after. I'm feeling a tad over emotional at the moment due to not having DH around.

In the 7 or so years we've been a couple DH and I have spent a lot of time together. We were (I still am) students at uni. DH changed courses a year after I met him and had a year off in all that time too due to depression, so he only finished uni last year and started looking for a job straight away. He was offered a job before Christmas but only started at the beginning of February due to waiting on dates for training courses.

Before I had DS last week, I took over the school run and had Uni to attend, so generally the days seemed to fly by as DH was on training from Monday - Fridays. He started his proper hours this week and works Tuesday - Saturday, with the Saturday being the half day. He didn't really get to spend much time at the hospital at all and was working the day of ELCS so I took DM in with me.

I've been home since Saturday afternoon and life is so much more hectic now. I feel like I've hardly seen DH at all, even though he had his day off Monday. DD2 was off nursery ill so he spent the majority of the day with her and then did the school run for DD1. So we're literally talking from yesterday. He's been up and getting DDs ready for school/nursery and off to work and then not home until around 6pm, when he's come in and cooked tea, tidied up, we've all eaten and he's given DDs a bath and got them ready for bed whilst I've fed DS. The time just seems to vanish and then it's bed time. Last night was the first night he slept in bed with me as he's been sleeping in the spare bed and coming in when DS has woken to pass him to me so I can breastfeed him. I'm not as mobile as I'd like to be at the moment due to ELCS and still having SPD.

I think it's only just really hit me that this is our life from now on. And everything seems so busy. I was never like this before, I feel so clingy at the moment. I think my hormones probably have a large part to play in a of this. I know I should just be relishing and enjoying the time with DS at the moment but I just can't shake feeling quite emotional and alone...does that sound completely bonkers? I'm really missing DH and I just don't know what to do with myself. Time seems to drag. His work have been fantastic and have offered him paternity leave which will be for 2 weeks starting at the end of march. I'm really looking forward to this.

Sorry for the long self absorbed post, I just really needed to get this out as its really been eating me up!

[SirBoobAlot]

You don't sound bonkers, you sound down and overwhelmed. Thing is, this isn't your life 'from' now. It's your life for now. Because things will settle down. You will get more mobile, you will adjust, things will regulate. It won't always feel like this, mentally or physically.

Big un-MN hugs and a pot of tea.

[DorisIsWaiting]

Agree with Sirboob

This isn't it forever honestly it does get easier. I think you are right saying it could be hormones 6 days in baby blues could be hitting. If you don't start to feel a bit brighter in a day or so maybe have a word with the MW / HV.

3 especially at the start isn't easy, you are still not mobile and post major surgery. Things will calm and settle into a routine.

[EricNorthmansFangBanger]

Thank you so much for your kind replies. I know there's bigger issues out there and I should be able to handle this.

I just had a call from nursery about DD2 as she has a rash on her face. She's had it the past few weeks and it flares up especially when she is snotty or dribbly. It seemed to be getting better and we'd been putting sudocreme on it and trying to keep it dry. The past few das it's been particularly bad as she's not been well and waking up with snot everywhere. Nursery have just asked if she's seen a doctor, which she hasn't because we thought it was getting better before I went into hospital. They've recommended we take her as they think she might need some strong cream for it and DD2 wasn't very happy when they washed round her face after breakfast. I forgot to mention to them that we saw a pharmacist in town who said it looked like dribble rash and to keep it clean and keep using the sudocreme. Now I probably look like a crappy mum who hasn't bothered. After I put the phone down I burst into tears. I think this is definitely hormones.

I have a history of PND, so I'm trying to be vigilant but also trying to not think about it if that makes any sense?

Thank you both - you're right, things will be more 'normal' soon. At the moment it just feels like I feed DS, burp him and then he sleeps and then by the time I turn around it's time to feed him again.

[SirBoobAlot]

No, you don't look like a crappy mum, you look like a mum who has just had a baby. Jesus, I haven't, and still forget to tell playschool things!

[complexnumber]

7 years at Uni, blimey!

What are you studying? Can you see yourself being employed at sometime? So maybe this will not be 'your life from now on'

[sazpops]

Oh eric you sound like a lovely family - congratulations to you all on the new baby, and on DH for getting a job.

Hormones are bound to be all over the place, and it's just bad timing that the new job coincided with the new baby, but it sounds as though DH is doing all he can to help you get over the birth and it won't be long until his paternity leave. Hopefully by then you'll be fit and well and you can all relax and enjoy some time together.

[EricNorthmansFangBanger]

Complex - I've not been at uni for 7 years sorry. I was studying in London when I met DH, I ended up leaving that course and was due to start on my current course the following year when I fell unexpectedly pregnant with DD1. So I didn't start until 2 years later and I'm currently in my final year. Of course I see myself being employed, I just meant that it's at least going to be like this from now and then later when I have a job too it will most likely get busier and harder.