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AIBU?

to not want our newly converted religious friend to try and convert us?

20 replies

Theicingontop · 19/02/2013 08:10

Mine and OH's friend converted to Islam a year ago. It's changed his life for the better, he married a lovely woman and he's very happy.

The problem I have, is that whenever we visit, he's thrusting literature at us and demanding to know when OH is going to read the Koran. OH said he'd read it when the friend first converted, and has been slowly doing so since. But, as he's explained to the friend, it's not on his list of most important things to do. He reads it whenever he has some downtime, but to be honest, it's not something he particularly finds important, being that he doesn't plan to convert...

Friend knows where I stand on organised religion, knows I am very happy for him and would never judge him by my own values, but that I don't have any religious inclination whatsoever and doesn't push it on me as much as OH. OH believes that when the friend finally understands that he isn't going to convert, that friend will distance himself from OH. The friend has hinted as such, saying things like "I don't know how much longer we can go on without you having read the entire Koran" "You need to make a bigger effort, once you read it fully you'll understand"

OH hasn't said he won't convert, but he hasn't said it's likely, either. He's just told friend that he'll keep an open mind and learn more about the religion, which he is.

I know this is a sensitive issue. I am prepared to be flamed. But AIBU to expect to visit a friend without an 'intervention'?

OP posts:

Report

beeny · 19/02/2013 08:13

Im muslim my husband converted your husbands friend is being very annoying.

AKissIsNotAContract · 19/02/2013 08:14

YANBU.

I'm an atheist. One of my best mates is a born again Christian. The friendship works because neither of us tries to convert the other.

What do you get from the meetings? Can you speak to him about it?

CailinDana · 19/02/2013 08:15

YANBU. Foisting your ideas, religious or otherwise, on other people when clearly they're not interested is extremely rude. In that situation I would lay down the law with the friend and if he said he wasn't interested in the friendship any longer then I would accept that. I'd rather let the friendship go than be preached to endlessly.

Cherriesarelovely · 19/02/2013 08:15

Flamed?! You must be joking! His behaviour is completely unacceptable! The friend is happy about his conversion, happy about his new marraige, good for him. In no way does that give him the right to force his religious veiws on you and your oh. I would have to say something about it.

ComposHat · 19/02/2013 08:19

Flamed? BU? Far from it dude, far from it. Your mate is being a zealot and a twonk.

Allah may love him, but it is just a pity everyone else is beginning to think he's a bit of a tool.

HecateWhoopass · 19/02/2013 08:19

Isn't it better to just be honest and get it over with? Let him do whatever he will do?

If, in order to keep this friendship, you have to suffer this - is it worth it?

How long before you start dreading his company anyway?

This is great for him. He's found something that makes sense for him. It's natural that he is enthusiastic. Maybe understandable that he is over enthusiastic to the point of thinking he's found the answer for all of you too.

But if it's all he can talk about, and he's hinting that he won't be your friend if you don't convert - perhaps it's time to back off for a bit. The manipulation and emotional blackmail he is displaying are unacceptable and you must surely know this.

That's got nothing to do with faith - it's HIM! You need to see that.

There's nothing about religion that gives you the right to not respect the views and wishes of other people.

HollyBerryBush · 19/02/2013 08:20

I find converts of any religion, often get a bit, well, evangelical about it.

My answer to someone who keeps banging on about 'finding God' is "Thats lovely, I've always had God" - that shuts them up, if only temporarily.

Faith is such a personal thing, no YANBU. Although your friend on the other hand is.

However your DH should just come out and say he isn't interested; whilst he's making the rights noises (ie I will read it, keeping an open mind) then your friend will keep harking on.

Raise · 19/02/2013 08:20

I converted to Islam as well. But I disagree with your husband's friend forcing it upon you both. I never try and convert my friends who are non muslim. If they are interested they will ask their own questions. In the Qu'ran it actually says "there is no compulsion in religion", so you YANBU.

ScarletLady02 · 19/02/2013 08:20

YANBU - That would annoy the shit out of me. I had a friend once who became a born again Christian and used to harp on about it to me all the time. Saying he was sad that I was going to go to hell etc. Didn't help that he was a recovering heroin addict who still used from time to time and still did quite a lot of illegal stuff so I had trouble taking him seriously.

He's not a friend any more.

beeny · 19/02/2013 08:21

Just tell him "there is no compulsion in religion" but frankly i would give up on him.

weegiemum · 19/02/2013 08:21

I'm a Christian but don't force it on my friends. I talk about church, what I'm reading etc as it's a big part of my life, but I'd never force it on anyone. Religion should be voluntary - if you have to make a big deal of it, then I think you're missing the point. I was fairly evangelistic in my teens/early 20s but I've got over that now! Recent converts can be a bit annoying, but your friends subtle threats to end the friendship if your dh won't read the Koran and "get it" are very much missing the point!

RoxyRobin · 19/02/2013 08:26

If he's hoping to convert your OH he's going the wrong way about it - softly, softly, catchee monkey and all that. He's intolerant and not a good advertisement for Islam.

juneau · 19/02/2013 08:29

YANBU - I can't bear God-botherers of any stripe!

I think you're going to have to be firm, but honest with your friend. Remind him how happy you are for him and that he's found happiness and meaning in his life through his new religion, but say it's going to affect your friendship if he bangs on any more about Islam to you and your DH. You respect his wishes, so he should respect yours. It's not on to browbeat your friends, whether it's about religion or anything else. We are all entitled to our beliefs and we should leave it at that.

YellowDinosaur · 19/02/2013 08:35

Flamed?! You must be joking! His behaviour is completely unacceptable! The friend is happy about his conversion, happy about his new marraige, good for him. In no way does that give him the right to force his religious veiws on you and your oh. I would have to say something about it

This

MrsBeep · 19/02/2013 08:38

Your friend is being a bigot in his own way, not respecting yours and your OH beliefs. Your OH perhaps should have been a little more honest with the friend when he converted, because saying he will read the Koran is just leading him on. Also, if your friend says he can't stay friends with both of you due to faith then he's better off not in your life. Who wants to be friends with such closed minded people.

StuntGirl · 19/02/2013 10:00

Just tell him you're not interested in converting. If he chooses to cut you out because of it then you're better off without him.

TapirBackRider · 19/02/2013 10:04

YANBU

Anything other than "No" is ambiguous to people like this, and just encourages them to carry on with their behaviour. Your dh is going to have to bite the bullet and just tell him that he is not going to convert - but he needs to understand that it may cost him the friendship.

specialsubject · 19/02/2013 10:06

tolerance should work both ways - but often it doesn't. Tell him that you expect him to respect your religious freedoms (that includes freedom NOT to believe) in the same way as you respect his.

if this is ignored then walk. You only have so much time on this planet, don't waste any more with him.

NopeStillNothing · 19/02/2013 10:09

I think your husband should finish reading the Koran. Then he should give his mate a copy of the God Delusion. Tit for tat an' all that.

Startail · 19/02/2013 10:18

DH and I will have been together 25 years this spring.

We decided with in days of meeting that he would always quietly believe God exists and I, somewhat more stridently, would believe he doesn't.

We also agreed that our future DCs would have to make up their own minds. (We got engaged in six weeks, so yes all this did get cleared up very very soon after meeting.)

Strangely not only DH, but several of my DF have very firm faith and whether Christian or Jewish they respect my views and I their's.

Trying to convert people never ends well.

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