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to not want to lend my new car out?

(121 Posts)
InNeatCognac Sat 19-Jan-13 11:13:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AKissIsNotAContract Sat 19-Jan-13 12:05:20

No way. The only time I would allow someone to drive my car would be if I was seriously ill and needed them to drive me to hospital.

SpicyPear Sat 19-Jan-13 12:06:25

Not selfish. Perfectly reasonable. in fact they are rude to ask.

Never lend cars out full stop, it never ends well. Politely but clearly tell them to do one.

SpicyPear Sat 19-Jan-13 12:07:43

Having seen the roads in Poland ipswich, what a cheek!

BarnYardCow Sat 19-Jan-13 12:09:08

No way, I would say no too, if you lend it once that will be it!

expatinscotland Sat 19-Jan-13 12:10:15

YANBU. And fuck getting your DH to do it or any of that crap. Say, 'No way! That will never happen,' and change the subject.

Boobz Sat 19-Jan-13 12:10:55

I used to feel, say and do the same as everyone else on this thread.

And then a few times (not a huge number - maybe 3 or 4 notable people stick out in my memory) someone did something like this for me, and I remember thinking "gosh, I really should loosen up and be more like them because it's lovely when someone goes above and beyond and helps you out in a way that not many other people do". It made me really stop and think about how I approach life, my things, my time and so on. We (as a family of 4 and another one on the way) arrived in Kenya at the beginning of last year and were waiting for a car to arrive from the UK. In that time, a (very new, but now very dear) friend just lent out their (new to them) car to us for 6 weeks, because they wanted to help us out. We were blown away by the generosity, and it made our new life so much more manageable (we couldn't have afforded to rent one for 6 weeks). I thought to myself, "I probably wouldn't have done that, I am not as lovely as they are, but now I will try to be and try to think like they do the next time someone asks for my help or needs something from me".

I also have a friend (whom I met on mumsnet) who was so generous with her time, her house, her love, for my children it also totally blew me away. Nothing was too much trouble, even when my kids were uber annoying (and believe me, they are MADDENINGLY annoying) and yet she was always there to help. I thought then, again, I need to be more like her - giving my time, love and energy because it's AMAZING when someone does that for you (and especially your children), for no other reason than they can, and it makes the receiver's life better.

So I would loan them the car because someone did it for me once, and I have tried to view life a bit more like them now, and I am happier for it.

Obviously if they scratch it or do something to it then they have to cover the cost. But I doubt they would!

Also, the joking way they are hinting is a bit rubbish - they should just outright ask rather than assume anything - I agree there.

<disclaimer - I am not a martyr or holier-than-thou, honest, I have just been affected by other people's selflessness in the past and am now trying to be a bit more like them>.

expatinscotland Sat 19-Jan-13 12:13:48

Boobz, she needs the car for her business, too.

Nope, don't loan it out. You need this car for your livelihood.

There's no such thing as karma fairies.

LRDtheFeministDragon Sat 19-Jan-13 12:14:05

Just to add one more 'YANBU' point - if it is new, if something goes wrong with it (I hope not) and you decide you don't want it any more, you are covered under the Sale of Goods act - you can reject the purchase within a 'reasonable' time frame, if it's not of good quality.

However, having done 500 miles in it might affect your case here - the more miles you've done and the longer you've kept it without finding the fault, the more likely it is that the garage will cause you hassle saying you'd 'accepted' the purchase.

You really, really don't want to discover that your mum and sister drove it 500 miles, there's now a fault, and you don't feel you know if it's original or something they did to it, as well.

So please don't lend it out!

sparkle9 Sat 19-Jan-13 12:15:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InNeatCognac Sat 19-Jan-13 12:18:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy Sat 19-Jan-13 12:20:38

is there history for you being pressured/coerced by them?you said people pleaser
why do you feel unable today no,what's the passivity about.what can you do about it
yes it's nice to have good rapport and feel fuzzy people are happy but that doesn't=doormat

InNeatCognac Sat 19-Jan-13 12:22:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy Sat 19-Jan-13 12:23:35

reading your post,you seem to be exceptionally eager to please.why.
I wouldn't routinely do any of this things,it's reads like a rip the piss list
being a nice person doesn't mean being everyone go to butler/skivvy/driver/nanny

InNeatCognac Sat 19-Jan-13 12:25:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boobz Sat 19-Jan-13 12:26:16

I didn't see the bit about needing it for your business, sorry InNeatCognac. I totally understand that if it is going to be an inconvenience for your livelihood, then of course it's not reasonable to lend it out.

And I'm sure you are a nice person! I didn't mean to say you, or anyone else on this thread, wasn't! Just that I would lend it out as part of my new going-beyond-ethos; I totally get that other people's going-beyond is different than mine.

P.S. Am not really that lovely - am about to flush DD2's head down the loo because she WON'T STOP MOANING AT ME.

ipswichwitch Sat 19-Jan-13 12:34:35

Exactly spicypear
I've learned the hard way that with some people the more you do for them the more they expect. For the sake of my health I have had to start saying no a lot more. Frankly I don't believe in karma anymore. If it were true, then I'd be a millionaire supermodel by now judging by how much of myself I have given to others grin
I do what I can but IMO borrowing my car for long distance journeys when I need it myself is a step too far

Sallyingforth Sat 19-Jan-13 12:45:17

In addition to all the other sensible comments above, if you lend them the car now they will have established a precedent and will expect to borrow it again for future holidays.
Just say no.

Drizzleit Sat 19-Jan-13 12:51:22

Good point sallyingforth, if the op lets them borrow it this year they'll want to borrow it every year!

countrykitten Sat 19-Jan-13 13:01:12

Scottishmummy - don't really understand your bile. My DH helps me out in situations and I help him out. My family are awkward and have trampled all over me in the past - my DH helps me out. We love each other - it's what we do. So don't get your knickers in a twist about it.

scottishmummy Sat 19-Jan-13 13:08:02

I see you're capable of rude comment online,but not standing up for self in rl?
so you need to work on that.the indignation you feel at me online,get it in rl too
i do think needing another adult to talk up for you is not ideal. work on your assertiveness

greenpostit Sat 19-Jan-13 13:10:18

Absolutely not.
No way would I do this. I did lend my car to my brother once because at the time I had an estate and he had a small car and he was extremely grateful and did not abuse the kindness(or car!) in any way. It was only for the day though and he is very careful with stuff and not a pisstaker.

MsPickle Sat 19-Jan-13 13:54:50

Boobz, for me the difference in your story and OPs is that it doesn't sound like you made a new friend and then said," oh, by the way, I'll be needing your new car for 6 weeks, that's alright isn't it?" It sounds like that if OPs family had backed off she's the sort of person who might have offered. And that's the difference. And why they are taking the piss. I reckon I'm pretty generous when needed but will draw lines in the sand. EG lending a good suitcase to a friend to go away for a week but not lending it to a friend going away for 9months +. Reasonable vs unreasonable.

Andro Sat 19-Jan-13 14:09:55

The only person who drives my car other than me is DH (and vice versa)...this is something I have no intention of changing.


countrykitten Sat 19-Jan-13 16:04:07

scottishmummy since you do not know me in rl I shall ignore your silly and rude comments. What I will say is that you perhaps could improve your manners online as you come across as a rather unpleasantly over opinionated person.

countrykitten Sat 19-Jan-13 16:06:44

I will just add that there are various ways of getting the outcome you require and that being overly blunt about it can get people's backs up - especially family members. Families are tricky things at the best of times and the OP will I am sure find a way to not loan her car out if that is what she wants to do - however this is achieved, this is a good result so everyone's happy.

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