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to feel like my ex-childminder is in the wrong or am I?

(35 Posts)
YouGoGlenCoCo Fri 18-Jan-13 23:44:45

I have two children, I work part-time so they go to a childminder Wednesday through to Friday.

My DS(3) has been going there for 2 years and my DD(8m) has only been going for 2 weeks.

I have never had a problem with DS however my childminder kept making comments about my DD - such as she pinches the other children. I have personally never witnessed her pinch any other child (we do a mums coffee morning every Monday, friends and neighbours have lots of young small children, she has never pinched her older brother)

There were many comments made. The final straw happened when I came to pick her up last week and the childminder said that DD is a lot of trouble and stealing and snatching toys off the other children. Erm ... she's 8mo has only just got the hang of crawling, like all babies if they see something like that they will go over and have a look at it, she doesn't have the ability to snatch and obviously wouldn't understand the concept of sharing at that age.

Anyway this was building up over 2 weeks and it was upsetting me and I felt the best thing to do was find a new childminder so I spoke to the childminder and said that I would be finding someone else. She was quite annoyed to say the least but I agree that I would give her a months notice and she would be paid for that time.

This week she hasn't even come to the door when I dropped the children off as she couldn't face me, it was her dh that opened the door to me.

Anyway, today I go to pick them up and she asked to have a word with me, and she tells me that i am making a huge mistake as my DS has made friends here and is settled and that now she would not be able to afford a holiday now etc.

aibu to think that this is emotional blackmail? and that even if I am being a bit precious, ultimately I should leave my children with someone I am comfortable with?

rhondajean Fri 18-Jan-13 23:47:01

Yes and yes! YANBU at all.

I wouldn't be comfortable lewving my 8 month old with this woman.

Her holidays are none of your concern and your DS will settle in somewhere else.

5madthings Fri 18-Jan-13 23:50:36

Yanbu at all.

She is moaning about an 8mth old pinching and snatching?!! Offs babies that age don't do either maliciously she is just being a baby!!

Ignore the cm, sounds like you are doing the right thing by moving your children, her holiday is not your responsibility and your Ds will adapt smile

Journey Fri 18-Jan-13 23:54:27

Agree with 5madthings and Rhondajean. I'd look for a new childminder. Your current one sounds odd.

Delayingtactic Fri 18-Jan-13 23:57:52

YANBU. Your DD is 8 months - she can't be wilfully doing those things because, well, she's eight months old!

The comment on the holiday was ridiculous. So you should put your own (valid) concerns aside so she can trot off on holiday?!

Children settle remarkably well. When we moved DS from his much loved CM (who he'd been with since he was six months) he took two weeks to settle in and then he was pushing me out the door!

breatheslowly Fri 18-Jan-13 23:58:12

YANBU, your 8 mo needs a CM who understands 8 mo children. Her holiday is not your problem.

AndiMac Fri 18-Jan-13 23:59:09

It's not your problem she's a cow and you've left her, that is her problem and she should look deep into the mirror to figure out why. YADNBU

nannynick Fri 18-Jan-13 23:59:26

Agree, yanbu - you have given notice to end your agreement as per the contract terms so it is time for everyone to move on. Children make new friends, get used to new carers.

EllieArroway Sat 19-Jan-13 00:00:30

How on earth can an 8 month old "steal" anything? And if she did pinch it wouldn't have been with the intention to hurt - babies that age don't think like that yet, do they?

It sounds like she's taken a dislike to your DD. I don't blame you one iota for removing them both. Stuff her holiday - not your problem.

blackeyedsusan Sat 19-Jan-13 00:00:56

that well know stage at 6 months when they do pinch...

blackeyedsusan Sat 19-Jan-13 00:02:26

sorry posted too soon... as i waas having a rant at the key board for writing in txt spk... she seems not to have much understanding of child development. go with someone you are happy with.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 19-Jan-13 00:06:10

WTF???? How the hell could a 8 month old, know what they were doing, CM can sod right off, i wouldnt want a CM who was so set against a baby.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 19-Jan-13 00:07:32

Also babies bite, not maliciously, but because they test things, if DD was pinching, she was just testing.

DeepRedBetty Sat 19-Jan-13 00:09:28

YANBU Hope you find a childminder who isn't into emotional blackmail soon.

shesariver Sat 19-Jan-13 00:12:00

YANBU. But I do find it strange that she has childminded your DS since roughly the same age for 2 years and you have never had a problem and now this, wonder what has changed? Sounds as if she is panicking now anyway and realised she could lose them both.

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Jan-13 00:12:15

When I was reading through the OP I wondered whether she didn't think what she'd said was significant and hadn't noticed that she'd mentioned it to you as much as you feel she has.

Either that or it has happened and she thought she was doing the right thing by letting you know (you not seeing it/having it mentioned by someone else isn't concrete proof your DD hasn't done it with her - although I know what you mean about going on what you see of her behaviour)?

Or maybe she has older children normally and has forgotten how into everything an 8 month old can be?

SIBU to try and guilt you into still using her though, regardless, through her holiday is bad enough, but to try and use your DS is pretty low and would make me feel as though I'd definitely made the right decision if that's an indicator of how she works.

Totally up to you who you use, whether or not she's right about your DD or not, she's undermined the trust you have in her and that's what childminding is all about when it comes down to brass tacks.

YouGoGlenCoCo Sat 19-Jan-13 00:12:43

Ok thanks everyone, I was worried I was being too precious or that I was being a terrible mother for taking DS away from his friends.

zzzzz Sat 19-Jan-13 00:13:20

Sounds awful, I would be in a tizz, not because you shouldn't move them (without question and as uickly as possible), but because I hate any sort of conflict. You wll feel muh better once they have moved, just keep your eyes on everything being better soon.

Viviennemary Sat 19-Jan-13 00:13:24

How on earth can an eight month old baby be accused of things like taking toys of other children. The childminder sounds more than a bit strange and you have done the right thing taking your children away. She hasn't a clue. Don't give in to her emotional blackmail about her holiday. She should think before she speaks in future.

apostropheuse Sat 19-Jan-13 00:19:14


How on earth can a childminder think that an eight month old baby is in any way capabe of intentionally stealing toys and maliciously pinching older children? She's doing what babies of that age do and it's perfectly normal.

It's absolutely not your fault if she doesn't get a holiday. She will just have to look for other older children to mind.

foslady Sat 19-Jan-13 00:27:24

Sounds like she's thought about losing two children........or rather the fee for two children

YANBU - stuff her, your children deserve better

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Jan-13 00:28:24

Could it be that she'll miss your DS?

That could explain why she might use her holiday to get him to stay?

PatButchersEarring Sat 19-Jan-13 08:19:49


I'm about to start childminding myself, and I find this woman's behaviour staggering.

She clearly has little understanding of child development, a total lack of professionalism and a propensity for emotional blackmail.

Your DS will make new friends in a new setting. Don't worry about that.

I would be taking my kids away from there in a flash.

VinegarDrinker Sat 19-Jan-13 08:24:46

ETF? An 8 month old pinching and grabbing toys off other children? My DS would hardly have had the pincer grip to pinch, let alone the co-ordination at that age! And certainly wouldn't have been fast enough at moving or strong enough to grab toys off older babies/toddlers/preschoolers.

YANBU at all. And urgh at the emotional blackmail.

VinegarDrinker Sat 19-Jan-13 08:34:22

Obviously that should say Wtf not ETF!

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