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To find friend with newborn a teensy bit smug

(123 Posts)
1500mmania Wed 16-Jan-13 22:37:33

Ok I know I am being V unreasonable but just wondering if anybody else has experienced the same.

Friend has always bit a bit of a know it all but is lovely otherwise. I was first out of all friends to have a kid and sort of muddled along best way I knew and think I did a pretty good job. Was really looking forward to friend having baby and having someone else in the group to share the sometimes mundane but wonderfully exciting world of babies with.

Anyway friend is completely sorted, done tons of research and v much doing AP - which is great for her but (although I ebf) AP wasn't for me or my DD. anyway I sort of feel like friend is a tad patronising with me, insinuating if I had coslept/used sling my baby would be sleeping through like hers, generally seems super duper confident (and a teensy bit smug) was even giving me advice on my toddler the other day.

I know I'm a total bitch for even thinking this way (obviously being super sensitive) don't know why I'm even thinking like this but its really grating on me. Friends baby is only a few weeks old so she has it all to come but has anyone else felt like this - or am I just a cow.

countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 12:01:23

Ah,the good old pack mentality. Presumably you all think that baying that her friend will suffer in the end for her 'smugness' is also an adult response?

battyralphie Thu 17-Jan-13 12:01:30

you dont even have to wait until she has dc nr 2, sleep regression is probably just around the corner....!

countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 12:02:36

And it's the pack response that I find mean and spiteful.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 12:06:02

Then I suggest a little trip to the Flouncers Corner, Country.

BollyGood Thu 17-Jan-13 12:11:51

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 12:14:35

I'm a bit surprised by the "she'll get hers" comments but maybe it's meant to be TIC?

countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 12:49:55

I have read the whole thread bolly and have been dismayed by much of it. I have not flounced anywhere waynetta. My opinion is clearly out of step with most posters on here (I can handle that) and I accept grapesoda that maybe the comments were meant to be funny - they just did not come across that way to me.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Thu 17-Jan-13 12:54:43

"Oh, how I WISH I had done everything just like you did! What a mess I have made of being a mother..."

AlphaBeta2012 Thu 17-Jan-13 13:02:07

Country I can see where you are coming from and do think you are getting a bit of a hard time - though haven't read the whole thread I must admit!
OP sounds like your friend is just in that overwhelming, full of love stage where she is so proud of what she has produced in a beautiful baby and totally consumed by this. She probably isn't trying to me smug or annoying just totally blinded by her beautiful little bundle.
I don't like some of the comments about AP, if I had to label myself then, yes I am your classic AP style parent, I don't think this makes me a better parent than anyone else or worse, but it works for me and DS and with DC2 on the way I am totally committed to continuing this style. If a friend is having troubles or upset about their DC not sleeping etc. I will share experiences that have worked for me, maybe your friend is just trying to do this?

sweetkitty Thu 17-Jan-13 13:09:59

I had an angel baby in DD1, who slept through early, hardly ever cried, had to be woken to be fed. She still is a lovely little girl she's 8 now. Potty training was an utter nightmare though, she has the bladder of a walnut still has.

Then DD2 came along, treated the same, she never slept through until at least one, she's an awkward little thing always has been.

But then agin I had 2 others too.

Everyone thinks their baby or child is just perfect, she's still awash with lively newborn hormones, wait until that newborn is a stroppy 2 year old refusing to go anything. Oh how you will laugh

neolara Thu 17-Jan-13 13:12:45

I was reading a book on parenting teens the other day. It said something like "Don't take all the credit, Don't take all the blame". Seemed a very sensible way to approach all parenting.

ubik Thu 17-Jan-13 13:15:56

Oh just go along with it.

#be a shoulder to cry on when she gets fed up with co sleeping and toddler won't sleep in cot.

#grin through the baby led weaning and agree that babies who were spoon fed puree are now adults who cannot eat any solid food except Macdonalds

#agree that prams are just baby prisons, ditto cots

#wait about 2 years and a second dc, and you will get your friend back and you will both giggle about the extremes but also accept some of these things worked for her, and it wasn't a judgement of you smile

McNewPants2013 Thu 17-Jan-13 13:28:09

my neice was a very good sleep, took to solids, potty trained within 2 days day and night, knows all her colours, shapes, numbers, letters and can do simple adding up and is a very polite little girl. I am very proud of her.

Not all babies turn into dreadful toddlers and it's very inmature to hope this baby with turn into babyzillar.

What i do it just focus on my own children achievments.

ubik Thu 17-Jan-13 13:32:19

well done , mcnewpants, have a biscuit

blackeyedsusan Thu 17-Jan-13 13:34:40

ha, ha ha... wait til it's a toddler... or a teenager

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 13:37:39

my AP friend has two kiddies that she is gently suffocating with her love. I have a much older daughter. Friend v much surprised that she did not invent slings when I showed her a pic of me and DD1 wrapped round me in a sarong. Stunned silence. Condesending smile from me.

McNewPants2013 Thu 17-Jan-13 13:40:27

what the biscuit for.

I can say my children are the total opposite, ds aged 6 years is still waking in the night, had dietary issues and a whole load of other problems. Every thing with him has been a massive uphill struggle.

I am still proud of my niece and i think my sister as fallen in lucky to have had an easy baby. My sister is very supportive and has my DD for me. There is no resentment from me.

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 13:45:52

It is not resentment though McN, its folk thinking they have the whole thing sussed based on limited experience. My friend seems to believe that she has invented or innovated so many aspects of parenthood that it is staggering. She admits that she had no contact with babies through her life and was a later mother. then suddenly, you read a few books, and boom. its all sussed

Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 13:54:45

No, my initial thought was correct. There's a fair bit of snide commentary on this thread. Some of it might be lighthearted but some, not so much.

lolaflores Thu 17-Jan-13 14:00:16

Grapesoda thats that sorted then. We are all arseholes and there is only your view of the world that is correct. Thanks for noticing us from up there

perceptionreality Thu 17-Jan-13 14:04:18

YANBU at all - smug people like this are so annoying. I learned my lesson about not all children being the same. My first two never needed over the counter medications when they were ill - they tended to sleep quietly through it all. Then I had a child who screamed the house down at night when she had a cold or was ill. And suddenly I understood the value of Medised! Too bad they stopped it.

ubik Thu 17-Jan-13 14:08:57

it's not about the child's behaviour - some parents will look at a badly behaved/poorly socialised child and describe them as 'a leader,' or a 'free spirit', in the sa,e way hey will look at their child who eats broccoli and attribute this behaviour to baby led weaning.

i've had three children and now realise everything good about them is mainly luck and the fact that they have messy bedrooms is down to my poor parenting grin

McNewPants2013 Thu 17-Jan-13 14:16:07

I think i get the comments now.

it's not about the child behaviour, it hoping that the parent has some sort of difficulty in parent so she can empathise with those who may struggle with something diffrent.

Grapesoda Thu 17-Jan-13 14:21:37

LoRaflores: WTF are you on about. I have said no such thing.
Some of the posts have sounded harsh and bitter. Translating that into my saying that ALL posters are arseholes and only my views of the world is correct is nothing short of deranged.
Wind your neck back in and have a milky drink FGS!

ubik Thu 17-Jan-13 14:26:46

I think it's about acceptance that when parents struggle with some aspects of parenting it often isn't their fault, it often isn't about parenting methods, it's about the temperament of the child.

so it can seem rather smug to look at your non fussy eater and attribute that to your careful menu planning or your nephew who has an outgoing and confident nature, and deduce that is down to attachment parenting.

alot of the time it is down to the child. the more children you have, the clearer this becomes.

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