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To ask husband to look after DC while I go to work tomorrow?

(76 Posts)
fufflebum Tue 15-Jan-13 17:13:49

I collected DC from school today to be told she had complained of stomach ache and had 'loose' poo. School policy is 48 hrs at home after diarrhoea. I have never asked DH to stay home to look after any of our children when they have been ill (we have other children) as I have been SAHM. However I have just started new job and have meeting with manager tomorrow so I feel I must attend. DH is at a conference and facilitating a session. I have already sounded him out and he has said we will talk about it later. I think I can guess what is coming.

AIBU to ask him to stay home?

My parents would possibly help out if desperate but these are our kids!

Pancakeflipper Tue 15-Jan-13 17:52:54

Also interested in Lady M's plans.

forevergreek Tue 15-Jan-13 17:53:05

For in future, can you register with an emergency nanny agency. They will generally covet most illnesses

Mintyy Tue 15-Jan-13 17:53:55

Lady Margoletta - who do you propose should look after sick children if not their parents? Can you please explain?

Samnella Tue 15-Jan-13 17:53:59

Major wage earner goes to work.

I disagree. I earn a third of what DH earns but my money is just as important and I don't think it would be viewed well by my employees if I was always the one having to drop out to look after the children. If you are both to work than this should be shared in my view.

LadyMargolotta Tue 15-Jan-13 17:54:23

Everyone I know who works has an emergency back up plan. I am often that emergency back up plan for friends. They help me if I need it.

I have never heard of parents missing work for a mildly ill child here in Belgium, maybe that's acceptable in the UK. It's considered to be the parents resonpsibility to have child care.

And that's another thing, I am surprised a stomach ache and one loose stoll is considered 'd&v'. She may be perfectly fine tomorrow.

Samnella Tue 15-Jan-13 17:55:32

I never knew that Forevergreek . Have you done it? I am not sure how I would feel leaving my child, particularly when unwell with a total stranger.

MistyB Tue 15-Jan-13 17:59:24

I don't hold with the major earning comment either. If the major earner goes to work every day, they might get a 2% pay rise at the end if the year but if the lesser earner is unable to create an impression of commitment to the new job due to having 100% responsibility for childcare then they may well find themselves with nothing if they are unable to keep the job. Not to mention the non financial value of both parties other needs being met and the value of time taken out to be a SAHP to the family and the other partners career.

Sorry op! Soapbox!! Stepping off!!

ENormaSnob Tue 15-Jan-13 17:59:30

One loose poo does not equate to diarrhoea.

I think if the child is ok and no d and v then I would be sending to school tomorrow.

flowery Tue 15-Jan-13 18:00:10

Of course it should be 50:50 for this type of thing. Completely unfair of a couple to decide that the employer who employs the one who happens to earn less should bear the brunt, and it puts that person's job at risk.

In this situation it sounds difficult for both of you so as you are lucky enough to have parents within reach, I'd be asking them.

LadyMargolotta Tue 15-Jan-13 18:05:23

I just find it incredible that you think it's acceptable for either of you to miss important work meetings, with the career implications for yourselves, and the economic implications for your employers and clients, just because your child has had one loose poo. Especially when you say you have parents who can help.

AllDirections Tue 15-Jan-13 18:06:42

If your parents can look after the DC then that would be the best option in this case.

But I'm another one that has no back up plan. I'm not lucky enough to have nice parents and my ex married someone else behind my back and didn't tell me till I was pregnant. He's not around so that leaves neighbours and friends but they all work too. I wouldn't be able to afford emergency childcare.

Mintyy Tue 15-Jan-13 18:10:13

I just think its incredible Lady Margoletta that you have plenty of people on hand willing to look after an unwell and infectious child at the drop of a hat. People who do not live near willing family (and I should think even the most willing families could be forgiven for not wanting to put themselves in the path of a stomach bug - I certainly won't if/when I become a grandmother) have no choice but to look after the child themselves. That's what happens when you become a parent - shit happens and you sometimes have to shift your priorities. Ffs!

Portofino Tue 15-Jan-13 18:10:25

I'm in Belgium and have frequently missed work with a sick child. I don't have a back up plan. I am lucky that I can work from home if I need to, and tends to me that does it as my employer is more flexible about things like that than dh's. That being said, if I was running a conference session I would prioritise that over a meeting with the boss, which is easily rearranged. My mutuelle actually offers care for sick kids - whereby a complete stranger will come to your house for up to 2 weeks. I have never used it, preferring to be home myself, or dh, but can see it could come in handy if you really need it.

DSM Tue 15-Jan-13 18:11:21

ladymargilotta the OP has said that the school have told her not to bring her DD in tomorrow. Not her choice.

NumericalMum Tue 15-Jan-13 18:12:02

Lady who are these people who should help? I have no parents in the same country, a sister who works full time as do most of my friends. Even if they didn't I wouldn't inflict a sick child on them? When my DC is poorly I work from home or Dh works from home. We take turns. I have also recently started a job so he has taken a few more shifts recently but then I do more of the day to day leaving work early for pick ups etc. Intrigued to know who should have my vomitting DC for me!!

In response to the OP I would use the grandparents especially if he isn't that poorly, or ring the school and say your DC is absolutely fine!

fufflebum Tue 15-Jan-13 18:17:12

DC did go again when got home (nothing out of ordinary TBH) just aware that if it does happen again at school will be called back so probably better to err on side of caution. TA did say did not call only because it happened so close to pick up time.

LadyMargolotta Tue 15-Jan-13 18:17:37

NumericalMum - if you have a job where you can work from home, that's great. If you have employers that are not only compassionate but also economically solvent enough to cope with parents staying at home for sick children, then that is also great.

But not everyone has jobs where that can happen. Those people have to have back up.

And the OP does have back up, in the form of her parents.

McNewPants2013 Tue 15-Jan-13 18:19:27

it should be 50:50.

however my works are more flexiable and i can normally swap a shift at short notice, so i venture down that route first.

nextphase Tue 15-Jan-13 18:22:35

Lady - I'd also be interested in your back up plans? Are you saying I shouldn't work because we happen to leave 150 miles from our nearest family (because thats where we can get a job?)

OP:We decide who can most easily take the day off (or split the am/ PM if that solves the diary conflicts). Sunds like thats a difficult call for you tomorrow.

Longer term (when we end up with chicken pox or similar), we would sort the first few days til my Mum could get up for a few days.

I've had today off, as DS1 vomited at school yesterday, but my boss has kindly offered to let me work from home as much as I can, and then deduct those hrs from what I'll need as holiday to cover. thanks Dr New Boss.

ravenAK Tue 15-Jan-13 18:24:40

I have a similar situation when one of ours is ill.

I teach, so it's never ideal for me to take time off.

Dh has a fair bit of autonomy over his working week, being a senior managementy type, & can usually arrange to work from home if a dc is too ill for school. However, a few times a month he runs training courses & they generally involve anywhere up to 30 people, all of whom will have had cover arranged for them, sorted transport & accommodation - so he really can't knock short of being at death's door.

We work on the basis that whoever's inconveniencing other people the least takes time off!

Mind you I agree that one loose poo does not = d&v & I'd be sending dd in, with a note to the effect that she has no symptoms & you'd hate to bring their attendance figures down unnecessarily.

Failing which, definitely ask parents - it's an important day for both of you. If that's just not possible, I think the only fair answer is 'who is going to cause the most buggerance to other people by not turning up' - which probably leaves you calling in this time, on the understanding that it's dh's turn next time.

fufflebum Tue 15-Jan-13 18:26:44

Thanks for replies xxxx

MrsMiniversCharlady Tue 15-Jan-13 18:29:51

I'd insist that school take her if she's not actually ill, which she's not by the sounds of it.

MamaBear17 Tue 15-Jan-13 18:53:02

Hubby and I both work, me 4 days over 5 and him full time. We are both teachers although at different schools, I hold a more senior position than him. The rule we employ when dd is ill is that we take it in turns to alternate. Some times the MIL is able to step in which is always helpful, but other than that we split it equally. It is horrible for the one who knows that they have to make that phone call to work to say they are not going in, but dd is our kid, what else can we do?

MamaBear17 Tue 15-Jan-13 18:53:30

alternate being off with her^

mynewpassion Tue 15-Jan-13 18:53:49

call your parents to see if they can babysit for an hour or two while you are in your meeting or until your husband is done. you aren't starting work its just a meeting.

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